


Scars

by SweetSunnyRose



Series: Scars Saga [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Complete, F/M, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-11 07:10:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 29
Words: 83,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11709414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetSunnyRose/pseuds/SweetSunnyRose
Summary: The year is 1976 and James Potter has finally agreed to give his adopted sister, Kate, the freedom to date. He has just one rule: his friends are off limits. As their feelings for each other grow deeper though, Kate and Remus will find that rule hard to abide by. Amidst keeping their budding relationship a secret, Kate must also deal with the sudden, and unwelcome, return of her memories that all seem to revolve around her numerous scars and her forgotten childhood. And as though that wasn’t enough, a mysterious group is attacking at random, and no girl in the castle is safe. It’s just another year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.





	1. Prologue: The Girl in the Snow

**Prologue:**

** The Girl in the Snow **

 It was a cold winter night in the mountains of Northern England. Snow already caked the frozen ground yet still more was falling, gently and silently. On a lonely mountain side stood a picturesque Tudor home. The house itself lay in silence, and beneath the snow sat pristine lawns, perfectly trimmed and always maintained. The lights of the house were on, but they hardly reflected the celebratory atmosphere of the nearest town, some ten miles away. A new year was beginning as 1968 gave way to 1969.

 The spell of silence was broken as the house suddenly erupted in flames. Giant tongues of flame lapped at the timbered siding like a dragon devouring its prey. From the pile of rubble, a little girl began to crawl away, her legs too weak to carry her. The young girl, covered in ashes and soot, crawled through the packed snow to the edge of the forest behind the house. She stopped when she reached a beech tree, only because she could carry her body no further. She collapsed before it as her arms gave way, and received a mouth full of snow. With what strength was left in her, she rolled over onto her back and looked up at the night sky.

The snow had now stopped and the clouds had parted. The moon was a waxing crescent. Leo the Lion sat high in the sky watching over the little girl. So many times before the girl had laid at this same spot and watched the night stars wishing to be among them. The stars were what reminded her that there was a world outside the prison she knew. The young girl would gaze up at the stars and dream of the day when she could leave this life behind.

 Today was no different. The young girl knew that the time when she would leave this life was near. And she could not think of a better last sight to see, than the sight of the moon and the stars shining as though they were smiling.

 The house continued to crumble and burn, the smoke rising up into the night. Several minutes later and the burning house was surrounded by a dozen men, men who had appeared out of thin air. These men held in their hands long narrow sticks and from these sticks water poured forth like a fountain and doused the flames.

  “Search the derbies men! And the surrounding area! Look for any survivors! We must determine what happened before any Muggle grows suspicious!”  A man upfront called out orders; his lime green bowler hat was visible even in the dark night. The other men immediately set to work. Little did any of them know, but no Muggle would grow suspicious or miss the family that lived there.

 The search went on and on, but no body was found in the ruble. No skeletons under the piles of burnt wood. There was no sign of life at all. The only evidence of prior human contact were the charred remains of furniture. As the search radius widened, one man found the path left by the girl. He followed it out to the forest.  

 “I’ve found a body!” he called out in a husky voice. “A little girl, wait…I thi—I think she’s… Yes! She’s alive! Cornelius, over here! I’ve found a survivor!” The man with the husky voice dropped to his knees before the beech tree at the edge of the forest; before the young girl.

“Child, can you hear me? What’s your name? Are you hurt?” the man asked the young girl. 

She remained silent, staring up at the stars. His hazel eyes looked over her, checking for injuries. There was one fresh wound amongst a canvas of scars; a cut on her face down to the bone from which she cried red tears. Her sapphire eyes were hazed over in a dreamy fashion and contrasted against her pale skin. A glint of gold around her wrist caught his eye. He gently lifted it up and examined it. It was a gold plated bracelet with a single star charm; etched into the star was the name Kate.

“What’s her name?” the man with the bowler hat asked as he joined the man with the husky voice.

“She hasn’t spoken. But I’ve found this.” He held up her wrist and displayed the gold bracelet. “I think her name might be Kate. Cornelius, she can’t be more than nine years old.”

Cornelius nodded his head solemnly. “Take her to St. Mungo’s. We’ll finish up here and I’ll join you shortly,” he told the man with the husky voice.

“Kate,” the man looked down at the young girl again. “My name is Fleamont. I’m going to take you to hospital now. You’re going to be alright.”

The young girl remained unaware of the two men surrounding her. She continued to stare up at the sky. She smiled sweetly. Her eyes fluttered closed as the darkness surrounded her.


	2. Star Gazing

#  Star Gazing

**_7 September 1976_ **

              

**I love** the stars. I love the way they glow. I love the shapes they make. I love everything about them. I love looking up at the night sky and finding the different constellations. Every night for as long as I can remember, which honestly isn’t that long, I’ve gone outside and just stared up at the sky. Tonight was no different. I stood, on the balcony of the Astronomy Tower, with my advanced telescope, star gazing once again.

You may be curious as to why I said I haven’t been remembering things for that long. I’m sixteen years old, and even though in the span of things that’s not very old, that’s not what I meant. You see, I can’t remember most of my childhood, though I’m not really sure I’d want to. I can only remember about the last seven or so years of my life. To be honest, I don’t even know if I’m really sixteen. I can’t remember when my birthday actually is. But my “family” and I celebrate it on the day that I joined their already existing family of three.

My name is Kate and about seven years ago my adoptive father Fleamont rescued me from the ashes of my home. Somehow, when the fire broke out, I managed to escape and crawl to the edge of the forest. That’s where Fleamont found me. He took me to Saint Mungo’s Hospital, but when I regained consciousness I could remember nothing about my former life. No family member ever came by the hospital to claim me; I was alone. It’s like life had just started anew for me. Several old men tried and tried, with no avail, to discover the truth. But even today it remains a mystery.

I said I joined Fleamont’s family of three. The other two members of our family are his wife, Euphemia, and his son, James.  James and I are now the same age and we attend school together. We share most of the same classes and James hardly ever lets me out of his sight. He promised Fleamont that he would look after me and not let anything harm me, and he’s been true to his word. Though I daresay I can take care of myself. Nevertheless, I let James do his thing. Things are just a little easier that way.

As you may have guessed, my favorite subject is Astronomy. I would have said it was my best as well, but to be honest I make an ‘Outstanding’ or an ‘Exceeds Expectations’ in all my classes, except for History of Magic which is an ‘Acceptable.’ It seems I’m not very good with history; I can’t even remember my own. James’ favorite subject is Defense Against the Dark Arts but, like me he is good at all his subjects. We also both really like Transfiguration. I imagine these may sound like strange classes to you, but you see, James and I are wizards. Well he’s a wizard and I’m a witch. And we are students at the finest magic school around, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, under the finest headmaster around, Albus Dumbledore.

Headmaster Dumbledore was one of the old men I mentioned earlier. You know, one of the ones who visited me in the hospital to try and figure out what was wrong with me. A handful of those men wanted to strip me of my powers because they thought that I was dangerous and that I’d caused the fire. But Fleamont and Headmaster Dumbledore vouched for me and said that even if I had started the fire then I wasn’t the one to blame, because I was only about nine or ten at the time and couldn’t be expected to control my magic. Headmaster Dumbledore seemed to think that if I was the cause for the fire, then I must have been under extreme pressure or stress in order for my magic to get so out of hand. Sometimes I wish I knew what really happened, and other times I’m grateful that I don’t.

I took one last look at the star I was studying through my telescope. It was getting close to curfew and I had to get back to the Gryffindor common room. I smiled as a slight breeze rustled my hair. I packed up my telescope carefully and turned to leave. Before stepping back inside, I looked up at the sky again, and smiled. It was so beautiful.

**XXX**

It seemed only minutes later that I walked through the portrait hole into the common room. It was nearly empty. A few seventh year students were sitting around the fire doing a pile of homework. School had barely been in session for a week and already they had a pile of homework; I was not looking forward to next year. Hardly anyone noticed that I had entered, and that was fine with me. I never liked too much attention. That’s probably why I didn’t have too many friends, only James and his crew, the Marauders as they liked to call themselves.

“There you are Kate,” Lily Evans said as she approached me. Lily was a beautiful red head girl that shared a dorm with me, and James had a huge crush on her. “James has been badgering the hell out of me. Well, more so than usual anyways. He’s been worried about you. He didn’t know where you were. And he thinks I should know. He’s such a prat.”

“I’m sorry Lily,” I apologized. “Where is he now?”

“He’s in his dorm.”

“Thanks, I’ll take care of him.” I walked past her and headed for the stairs that led up to the boys’ dormitories.

“Right. And can you send Remus down; we need to start our rounds,” Lily added before I had completely left.

I nodded my ‘yes’ and continued on my way. Thankfully the stairs were empty. When I reached the door labeled Sixth Year Boys, I stopped and pressed my ear against it. I could hear muffled voices on the other side; they were all there. I knocked lightly and a moment later there was a shuffle as someone rushed to the door.

“Who’s there?” someone asked. I recognized the voice as Sirius Black’s.

“A cat as dark as the night,” I responded with a smile. The door opened instantly and I stepped inside.

“Kate! It’s about time! Where have you been?” James asked as he jumped off his bed to greet me with a bone crushing hug.

I winced and held up the box which contained my telescope. “Where do you think, James?”

“I told you she would be star gazing, Prongs,” Remus said from his bed.

“Oh piss off Moony,” James said as he threw a dirty sock at him. Remus blocked the sock with his wand and sent it flying back to smack James in the face.

Ah, Boys.

“Lily is looking for you Remus. She says it’s time to start your rounds,” I said as I moved further into the room.

“Right, well, I was just waiting for you to get back. We wouldn’t want our Leo to get in trouble for breaking curfew,” Remus replied as he laid a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll be back in about an hour.” He smiled sweetly (he always smiled sweetly) and walked out.

“Well, as you can see James, I’m back and I’m unscathed. You can stop worrying now,” I said after Remus had left.

“I’ll never stop worrying about you Kate. You know that.”

“Yeah, I know.” I sighed as I sat down on the now vacant bed. Of the four boys who stayed in the dorm, Remus was by far the cleanest; although, he still wasn’t as clean as the girls and I had to brush aside one of his shirts.

I knew James and Fleamont would never let up. They had made it their personal, life-long goal to keep me out of harm’s way. James had even roped his friends, Sirius, Remus, and Peter into looking after me as well. At least I knew they cared. I don’t think The Man or The Woman who cared for me before cared much about me at all. The scars that spotted my body told me that much about my past.

Ah, the scars. There were many scars. I was never quite sure if someone was looking at **me** or the scars. There were scars on my back, my stomach, my legs, my arms, my right hand, and my face. And for all these scars I had no recollection of how they came to be. Some scars looked like knife cuts, others looked like table corners. Some scars looked like jewelry indentions, and some looked like burns. They were many and varied. And try as I might, I could never hide them all.

“Ugh,” Peter grunted miserably. I looked across the way at him to see that he was struggling profusely over his homework.

“What are you working on, Pete?” I asked.

He looked at me with his beady eyes. “Astronomy,” he said helplessly.

I sighed. “Bring it here, Pete.”

“Really? You’ll help me?”

“Bring it here,” I said again and held out my hand. He quickly gathered his charts and rushed over. I took one glance at the assignment and set to work. The things I do for these boys. Five minutes later I handed the assignment back, completed and mostly correct. (What? I couldn't make it too easy for him.)

“Ah thanks!” Peter said enthusiastically. “James, have I ever told you how amazing your sister is? I could kiss her.”

“No funny business, Wormtail. Kate is off limits!” James declared quickly.

“As if Wormtail has a chance with a girl as beautiful as Kate, James,” Sirius laughed.                 

Sirius’ remarks about my beauty had little effect on me anymore; I knew he was only being nice. I wasn’t pretty; in fact I was nowhere near it. My dull, charcoal grey hair hung in loose waves midway down my arms. My pale pink lips were flat and thin. I was sleek and slender with very little curves. If a guy was interested in me, it was only because I was “off limits;” I was the unattainable girl who was constantly surrounded by the four Marauders. There was nothing attractive or remarkable about me, except maybe my eyes. They were a bright sapphire blue that contrasted against my pale skin. But even then you’d have to look beyond all the scars, and not even I could do that.

“Piss off. I can get any girl just as well you can,” Peter defended himself without missing a beat.

I continued to sit there on Remus’ bed while the guys went back to discussing… whatever it was they were discussing before I came in. I’d tell you what they talked about, but I tuned them out. I found myself doing that a lot lately, more so than usual anyways, ever since I started having those nightmares…

Oh well, it was probably just more ‘top-secret, for-Marauders-ears-only’ stuff. You know, ‘who was the biggest git today and what can we do for pay back,’ or ‘what prank to pull next and whom to pull it on.’ Or perhaps even, where to go on the next full moon. The only reason I was allowed to sit in on these ‘top-secret’ meetings was because I was James’ sister and, as I said earlier, James hardly ever let me out of his sight; only to use the bathroom, sleep, star gaze (which he didn’t particularly like but couldn’t stop), and every full moon when he and the guys would go out with Remus.

See, Remus is a werewolf and so to help him we all became Animagi. I’d begged and pleaded James to let me go with them but he positively refused; even though it was my idea in the first place, I found all the right books to study, and I was the first one of the group to pull off the transformation successfully. _‘It’s too dangerous Kate. What if something happened to you, Mum and Dad would have my head on a platter, next to Remus’,’_ James had said. Sirius was James’ double, they were practically brothers, and so of course he agreed with James. Peter sided with me and we almost had James convinced. But then Remus found out what we were up to and had personally asked me not to come along and being that it was Remus who asked I couldn’t bring myself to say no. But even though I wasn’t allowed to wander out with them on full moons, I still kept my Animagus form, a cat as dark as the night: the black leopard.

After a few minutes of just sitting there on the bed I became bored. So I summoned a piece of parchment from James’ desk, a quill, and a bottle of ink and I began to doodle. Before long I noticed that I was sketching Remus’ face.

Ah, Remus. Of the four Marauders he’s the clean, sensitive, intellectual, quiet one. He’s always got a book in his hands and he always has a few words of wisdom to share. He’s also the one with the dark secret. Only the four of us and the professors know of his ‘furry friend,’ as James and Sirius like to call it.

Sirius, there’s another character. As I said, he and James are just alike, so alike that they became instant best friends when they first met, several years ago now. They are both highly popular, skilled Quidditch players—even though Sirius doesn’t play for the house team—and brilliant; though not as brilliant as Remus or I. All the girls want to be with them, and all the guys want to be them. And they always know how to make me laugh, whether it be at one of their pranks or just at them.

Then there’s Peter. My little Pete. There’s nothing really particularly attractive or special about him; not that he’s unattractive though, I mean girls look at him like they do the other Marauders just to a slightly lesser degree. Many people seem to think that Peter is only a Marauder because he shares a dorm room with James; but I know that’s not true. The fact of the matter is, James caught Peter delivering some pretty nasty insults to one particular Slytherin that James didn’t like. Peter impressed James, and so James befriended him. The rest is, as they say, history.

My drawing was complete. Now, I wasn’t a particularly talented artist, but sketching so many star charts had left me with marginal talent at least. I gazed at the drawing as a yawn escaped my lips.

“It’s past your bedtime Missy,” a gentle voice said from beside me.

I smiled and looked up at Remus.

“I was just waiting for you,” I responded, in what I hoped was a clam manner. “Lily seemed pretty aggravated when I got back. So I was just making sure you returned in one piece.”

“Ah.” Remus smiled and sat on his bed beside me. “What’s that?” he asked, pointing to the parchment that had his face drawn on it.

“Uh— it’s yours,” I said quickly. “I got bored so I drew it for you.” I handed him the sketch.

“For me? Hmm.” He studied it for a while. “Who’s it supposed to be?”

“You of course,” I laughed. “See there’s the little indent you have above your left eye, and the scar on your left cheek, and I even added the dimple you get when you smile,” I explained as I pointed out each feature.

“I have a dimple?” he asked skeptically.

Oh boy, I was noticing things about him that even he didn’t know.

“Er—yeah,” I said unsurely. “It’s nothing weird or anything. I’m just exceptionally observant.” 

He chuckled softly. “Here,” he handed the parchment back.

“Oh no, it’s yours. Keep it,” I said.

“I want you to sign it, Kate. It’s a piece of artwork. All the great artists sign their names on their work.”

“Right. I knew that.” I signed and dated the drawing before handing it back.

“Thanks.” He smiled sweetly at me again.

“Hey Moony you’re back!” Sirius exclaimed, noticing Remus’ return for the first time. I looked over at the guys and noticed James watching us carefully. I swallowed roughly, remembering that I wasn’t allowed to fancy any boy.

“I should be going,” I said to no one in particular. “It’s getting late and I’m getting tired.” James nodded and I hurriedly got off the bed.

“Night Kate,” Sirius and Peter said.

“Night boys,” I said back. “Good night James.”

“Good night Kate,” James replied as he continued to carefully eye Remus, who had lowered his head and sunk back on his bed. I turned and walked out of their dorm with my telescope in hand.

Ah, James.


	3. Smothered

#  Smothered

**The** next morning I made my way down to the common room, still half asleep, to wait for James like I always did. I was dressed in the required uniform and robes. I hated wearing the uniform skirt; I could never cover that hideous scar on my knee. My feet moved down the stairs unwillingly; my whole body was aching to go back to sleep. Actually it was aching to get any sleep at all. I had more nightmares again last night. I yawned lethargically as I rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs. I paused momentarily; the common room wasn’t empty. Remus was already there.

“Morning, Remus,” I said softly. Remus merely tilted his head in acknowledgement. James must have talked to him last night.

James. That stupid bloody git. Who does he think he is? He doesn’t control me! He can’t tell me what to do and what not to do, or whom to date or not date! He just can’t. It’s so unfair. He had no right to tell Remus off last night. We were only talking. It’s not like we were snogging or anything. Though, I bet he’d be a good snogger. Oh who am I kidding? Like he, or any bloke for that matter, would want to snog a girl like me. Or like James would ever let them get near enough.

Just then I felt something large and hard slam into my back. I grunted and stumbled forward only to be caught by Remus. I spared no time for him, but turned immediately to glare at my attacker. Sirius Black.

“Whoa… Morning Leo. Sorry about that,” Sirius apologized. I glared at him for a minute before turning my glare to James.

James seemed to take a step back as the power of my gaze reigned down upon him. “Looks like somebody didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

“Piss off,” I said bitterly. “I’m going to breakfast now,” I added before turning on my heel and stalking off. I knew they wouldn’t be too far behind me.

Stupid, bloody James!

 

I ate breakfast quickly and quietly. When I had arrived there were plenty of seats available, but the guys all filled in around me and James made it so that Remus couldn’t sit beside me. Stupid git. Remus remained silent throughout the meal as well. As soon as I had finished my eggs and toast, I got up to leave. I stopped mid-track as James called out my name.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

I took a deep breath to regain my composure. I turned slowly around to face him. “Do you see any of my books, James?” I asked.

“Er—no.”

“Then wouldn’t it be logical, James, to assume that I was going back to the dorm to get my books for class?” Maybe it was just my imagination, but I could swear that I saw a smirk cross Remus’ face.

“Logical? James? There’s two words you never hear in the same sentence,” Sirius exclaimed. James slapped the back of his head and Peter laughed.

“Right, well… don’t get lost,” James said.

I glowered at him again; I was sure, by now, you could see steam rising from my ears. I spun on my heel and dashed out of the great hall. I took all the secret passage ways I could back to the Fat Lady’s Portrait and I made it back in record time. I rushed up the stairs to the dorm, and threw myself on my bed. Stupid bloody James! I pulled a pillow over my head and screamed into it.

“Yeah, Potter can have that effect on me too,” a sweet voice said from the doorway.

I sat up quickly and looked at my intruder. It was Lily.

"I saw you two in the great hall,” Lily explained. “You looked pretty upset with him. What did he do this time?”

“How… did…Did a lot of people see?” I asked cautiously. I really didn’t need the whole school to know that James and I were fighting again.

“No. I’m exceptionally observant when it comes to James Potter.” Lily crossed her arms over her chest as she crossed the room to her bed. “So, what did he do this time?” she asked again.

“It’s nothing… He’s just being James. It’s nothing new. I need to get to class.” I grabbed my books and left before Lily could say anything more.

**XXX**

It was Wednesday, so I had Arithmancy first, which meant that I didn’t have to see James again until Charms. Maybe that would give me enough time to cool off because I was positive that James wouldn’t figure out what was wrong by then. When I walked into the Arithmancy classroom, I was one of the last to arrive. Not many people took Arithmancy and even fewer still made the necessary O.W.L. to continue on to the N.E.W.T. level, so it didn’t surprise me to discover that I was the only Gryffindor in a sea of blue.

Class wasn’t too dull, Professor Vector spent the first half of the lesson lecturing before she handed out number charts for us to work on. I had to admit that it was just a bunch of busy work and mostly review, but it was just what I needed; something to direct my thinking away from that bloody brother of mine. I sat in the back like I did in most classes. People didn’t notice you as much if you sat behind them. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop some.

“Hey,” a pitchy voice from my right said, breaking the silence between us.

I looked up slightly to find a pair of brown eyes looking at me. I nodded only once, and looked back down at my work.

“You’re Kate right?” the annoying voice said again, and then without waiting for my response continued, “I’m Ben.”

"I don’t think we’re supposed to be talking,” I said quietly and sternly, not looking at Ben.

“Because of your brother, right?”

"James has nothing to do with this,” I hissed. Merlin when would this class end?

“Look, James Bloody Potter can’t scare me off.”

“Sure.”  I rolled my eyes. A few minutes of silence passed. I was thankful. I thought perhaps he had decided to give up; that he rethought his previous statement and realized that he really didn’t want to cross James. No such luck.

“I don’t really understand what’s going on here. Can you help me?” Ben asked, leaning in closer.

I moved my chair away instinctively. The scraping it made across the floor drew Professor Vector’s attention. She approached us with a stern look upon her face. I quickly set back to work. Maybe if I completed the chart she would let me go early.

“Is there a problem here?” she asked eyeing me suspiciously. Spend all your time with the Marauders and the professors start to label you a troublemaker by association.

“No Professor,” Ben answered innocently. “I just didn’t understand the chart and I asked Kate if she could help me.”

Professor Vector snatched up Ben’s chart and looked it over. “You’re doing fine, Mister Campbell. So far, everything is correct.” She handed the chart back and once again turned her gaze to me. “Miss Potter, don’t disturb Mister Campbell anymore.”

“Yes Professor,” I seethed between clenched jaws.

At last the bell rang. I gathered up my belongings as quickly as possible and left the room in a fouler mood than when I entered. To exacerbate matters even more, I had an escort waiting for me in the corridor. Make that escorts.

“What are you three doing here?” I demanded. Sirius was the only one brave enough to answer me at the moment.

“James asked…”

“The bloody hell with James.”

“He asked us to make sure you made it to class alright. He would have come himself you know, but he went chasing after Evans.”

“I don’t need you to walk me to class. I can find it on my own.”

“Hey Kate,” that annoying voice from earlier called out. I looked over my shoulder to see that same boy approaching. Suddenly a thought crossed my mind.

“Besides,” I turned back to the guys. “Dave here is going to escort me to class.” I tilted my head to the boy who now stood beside me. From the corner of my eye I saw Remus' hand twitch at his side. I chose to ignore it; it didn't mean anything after all.

“It’s Ben actually,” he corrected me. “But if you like Dave better that’s cool. I can be Dave.”

 “Just walk,” I said. “Bye boys.”

Dave and I, or Ben rather, turned and walked off. I was careful not to look at Remus; I thought I might lose my strength if I did. I almost thought I’d gotten away with it, but before Dave…Ben and I rounded the corner we were accompanied by three other bodies.

“No can do Kate,” Sirius said throwing his arm around my shoulder. “We made James a promise, and a Marauder never backs down from his word. Now scram Dave or Ben or whatever the bloody hell your name is. It’s a little too early in the term to start jinxing people.”

“Since when, Padfoot? We started about this time last year,” Peter squeaked.

“Ha! Good point, Wormtail.” Sirius pulled out his wand and aimed it at Ben.

“Don’t Sirius!” I said, turning in his arm. “I don’t care who walks me to class, but we’re going to be late if we don’t hurry up.” I jerked out of his arm and stormed off.

I don’t know if Sirius ended up jinxing Ben or not, and I didn’t really care. I was too angry at James to care much about anything at the moment. I did, however, notice that there were only two pairs of footsteps behind me and not the expected three, which meant that somebody had remained behind. I’d hoped it was Remus; I hated acting like this in front of him. James sure knew how to bring out the worst in me. But not anymore! I was sick of his babying me. I’d had enough and I was going to tell James exactly how I felt.

 

In Charms we started working on performing non-verbal spells which meant that I had an excuse for not talking the whole period. I didn’t manage a spell successfully but I wasn’t really trying either. I was too focused on what I would say to James later that night. In my head I had already yelled at him a thousand times and called him every foul name I could think of, so much so that towards the end of the lesson I had actually managed to calm down a little.

I remained sullen and kept to myself for the rest of the day.  At lunch I still sat with the guys but I paid no attention to what was going on. During our first double period of Potions, I was paired with Peter. I only spoke to him when I needed him to do something. Even though I was emotionally worked up, we still managed to brew the potion semi-successfully; I know Peter was appreciative of that.

At dinner, I was quiet. By now, I was done yelling at James and I was ready to speak rationally with him. Through the course of my brooding I had come to realize that James was really only trying to protect me. He was doing what he thought was best for me. What Fleamont and Euphemia wanted him to do. I owed them so much. They had saved me. Adopted me. Cared for me as if I were their own flesh and blood. So how do I let them know how thankful I am for their generosity but still convey my desperate need for freedom?

**XXX**

I was sitting on a couch in the common with my DADA book open on my lap, but I wasn’t studying. I was staring into the dying embers in the fireplace. The guys sat together in a corner. Remus was reading a book, and James was watching Sirius and Peter play a game of Exploding Snap. The other girls in my dorm sat in another corner of the common room, talking and laughing. If I was going to talk to James, it was now or never.

I slammed my book shut and walked over to where James sat teasing Sirius, who was losing miserably. The corner fell silent as I approached and Remus lowered his book. Four pairs of eyes were locked on me; make that five pair. I could feel Lily’s emerald gaze on the back of my head. I took a deep breath.

“James, can we talk?” I asked timidly.

“Sure.” James stood, and with him Sirius.

“Alone please,” I added looking at Sirius. James looked over his shoulder and nodded once. Sirius sat back down.

“After you.” James pointed with his hand to the dormitory stairs. We walked in silence, and upon entering the dorm room I went straight to James’ bed. James followed at a slower pace his hands shoved in his pockets, and leaned against one of the bed posts.

“What’s wrong, Kate?” he asked. I stayed quiet; I was still trying to get the words right in my head.

“Kate, you wanted to talk so talk. And stop biting your nails.”

I quickly removed my hand from my mouth. I didn’t even realize that I was biting my nails; it was my nervous habit. I looked up at James with pleading eyes. He habitually roughed up his hair; an act which he did so frequently that I don’t even think he knew when he was doing it anymore.

“I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me, James,” I began. “I could never repay you for any of it.”

“You don’t have to Kate,” James interrupted as he took a seat beside me.

“You and Fleamont and Euphemia have done so much. You took me in when I had no one and nothing. You’ve loved me unconditionally. You’ve treated me like I was part of the family.”

“Because you are family Kate! You are a Potter.”

“And I’m thankful for that, but sometimes I… I feel smothered by it all.”

“Smothered?”

“Yes; like I can’t breathe. There’s that saying ‘We all learn from our mistakes.’ But how am I supposed to learn if I’m not allowed to make mistakes? How will I ever decide what’s right for me if you make all the decisions for me? I know you’re only trying to protect me but I need room to grow. I’ll be seventeen in three months and I’ve never been kissed; I’ve never even held hands with a bloke before. Who else do you know that will be seventeen and never been kissed?”

“That’s easy. Sniv…ell...oh.” His eyes grew wide and his lips formed the shape of an ‘o’ as realization dawned on him. “But you’re way better than Snivellus! How can you even compare yourself to that greasy-haired git?”

“I didn’t say anything, you did. And who knows, he might have one up on me.”

“Rubbish!” James exclaimed. “Who’d want to snog him?”

“I don’t know. Little Black seems pretty fond of him.”

James grinned. “Sirius would like that one.”

“But seriously James,” he chuckled and I glared.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “So you want to snog boys?”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that. But what I really want James, what I need, is the freedom to know that _if_ I wanted to I could, without the fear of wondering when the Marauders were going to scare him away.”

“Why are you asking something so hard of me?” he said as he began to pace.

“It shouldn’t be that hard, James.”

“But it is.” He turned to me suddenly, concern etched across his face. “If something were to happen to you and you got hurt and it was my fault… Dad would be furious with me.”

“Then let him be upset, but at me. Fleamont’s always yelling at you, he could do for a change.”

“Dad wouldn’t yell at you to save his life, Kate.”

“James, please,” I urged, taking his hands in mine. “I can’t live like this anymore. I need to be me.” The problem is, how do I be me if I can’t remember who I am?

There was a moment of silence. James stared at the floor and ruffled his hair as he considered my request. I watched him anxiously. I knew I could say more and push him over the edge, but I had said all I could think of. I had nothing left to say. Finally he spoke.

“So you want freedom? You want me to stop, what did you say, smothering you?”

“Yes,” I replied simply.

James sucked in his breath. “Alright. I’ll try.”

“Really?!”

“But…” he interjected before I could get too excited. “Any bloke whom you decide you may want to...snog,” he shuddered, “...can’t be one of my friends. They are off limit. It would be too weird and I don’t think I could live with it.”

Damn! That included Remus, the reason why I was having this conversation in the first place.

“Fine then I have something else I want to add. You can’t send one of your friends to meet me outside Arithmancy to walk me to class. I’ve been in this school for six years and have roamed the halls with you several times. I know my around.”

“Sure.” James tried to hide an evil grin that I didn’t trust.

“And you can’t threaten someone else to do it either.” I smiled as his face fell.

 “Fine. Is there any more fun you’d like to suck out?”

“Well now that you mention it, can you please stop asking where I’m going every time I’m about to walk away from you? It’s really annoying and I shouldn’t have to inform you of every step I take.”  

“Okay… anything else?”   

“And could you…”

“Merlin what else is there?” he exclaimed exhaustedly. I laughed softly at his desperation and he shoved my arm lightly.

“Am I really that bad of a brother?” he asked apprehensively.

“No James, you’re a great brother. The best I’ve ever had at least.” I smiled teasingly.

Just then the door burst open and in flew Sirius Black in a rage. “That’s it James!” he yelled. “I won’t do it any longer! You are no longer my best mate! We’re through!”

“What?” James was clearly baffled. He looked to Remus and Peter, who stood behind Sirius with coy smiles, for clarification.

“You heard me, Potter!” Sirius shouted with distaste. Then he turned to me, smiling and said, “Now, about that snog you’re looking for.”

“Aw, bloody hell, Padfoot!”

A second latter and James had tackled Sirius to the floor where they proceeded to roll about wrestling. Remus and Peter laughed at their foolish antics. No doubt, they had all stood at the door listening to every word that was exchanged between James and me. I watched Remus anxiously, looking for any sign that might indicate that he knew the real reason why I spoke to James.

He had beautiful smile, Remus did. The way his green eyes lit up sent numerous chills down my spine. I noticed that one side of his mouth would lift a little higher than the other. And then there was that single dimple he had; it was just a solitary dimple, but it was so charming. He was sheer perfection: attractive, brilliant, and kind all rolled into one.

Remus looked over and caught my eye. I felt like I was melting before him. How could I ever be worthy of the prince that was Remus John Lupin? I smiled reluctantly.

“Come on Pete,” I said gently as I walked towards the door.

“Pete? What? You can’t be serious?” Sirius called out. Now I was baffled.

“No there’s no way,” James responded. “She knows the rules. I clearly said…”

“What?” I asked still confused. I stared at them on the floor and James looked from me to Peter to Sirius and back to me. At last I caught on. I rolled my eyes annoyed.

“We have Astronomy,” I explained.

“Oh, right… Well, have fun, don’t get lost, and don’t fall over the wall,” James said relieved.

“I can’t believe you thought she was going to snog Peter before me,” Sirius laughed.

“She will not be snogging you…” James roared, and their wrestling match picked back up. 

I didn’t even bother to mutter a response as I left. Boys could be so dumb.


	4. Freedom

**Freedom**

**Nothing** really changed between me and the guys since my talk with James last week, except that, there was no one waiting for me outside Arithmancy to walk me to my next class. There was no one inside Arithmancy who wanted to walk with me either; the damage had already been done with Ben. And James, though I could tell it was killing him on the inside, had stopped asking me where I was going every time I walked away. I often felt so bad for him, that I offered up my destination anyways. Oh well. At least Remus was talking to me again, and that alone was well worth it.

I was finding it harder and harder to sleep at night; the nightmares were getting worse. I had resorted to spending all my extra time doing homework or reading to get ahead in class. My philosophy was that if I tired myself out enough then my mind would be too tired to have any nightmares. It hadn’t worked so far, but I wasn’t giving up. And no one seemed to notice, or mind, the circles that were forming under my eyes.

I was sitting alone in my dorm room, tucked behind my bed curtains reading through my Potions book when Lily and the other girls in our dorm came in. A pair of feet marching across the dorm, back and forth, back and forth, told me that Lily was pacing, and I knew that Lily only paced when she was mad.

I suspected she had seen James with his new girlfriend, Elizabeth Cromwell. Lizzy was a fifth year Hufflepuff. They had only just started seeing each other today. James did this sort of thing all the time. He’d date a girl for a while, about a month usually, and then when he finally grew bored they’d “agree” to see other people and James would go back to pestering Lily for a date. What I didn’t understand, is why Lily would always get so upset with James for it. I mean, the girls he dated all knew what they were getting into. They knew it wouldn’t last long, and nine times out of ten they went on to live perfectly normal lives dating other guys. So, what was Lily’s problem?

Lily continued to pace and I continued to hide behind my curtains.

“Come on Lil, you knew this was going to happen.” That was Amelia speaking; she was one of Lily’s closest friends.

“Yea Lils, James does this all the time. It’s nothing new,” Emma added.

“That doesn’t make it right!” Lily fired back.

“Look Lily, the girls all know what he’s doing when he asks them out. And he’s really very nice when it comes to ending things.” That was Emma again; she had been “one of the girls” about three years ago.

Lily huffed and continued her pacing. The other girls remained quiet. I could go back to reading in peace.

 

_Add the powdered root of asphodel and heat gently over a low flame. Stir anticlockwise six times. Carefully sprinkle de-ionized water over the simmering powder. In a separate flask, prepare the wormwood._

   
  
---  
  
“That bloody Potter!” Lily shouted.

My heart stopped.

“I can’t believe him!”

I gently let out the breath that I was holding while Lily continued to rant. I guess I couldn’t go back to reading in peace.

“That filthy bloody git!” Lily shouted again. “How can girls like him? He’s so…so… so arrogant!”

“And really cute,” Emma defended.

“And funny,” Amelia added.

“Not to mention, very sweet.”

“Potter is not sweet,” Lily argued. “He’s far from it. The toerag only thinks of himself. He doesn’t really care for anyone or anything.”

“That’s not true!” I said. I couldn't help it. Whenever someone spoke poorly of one the guys, I always rushed to defend them; they were my boys.

The room became unmistakably quiet. Lily stopped her pacing suddenly. The girls’ breath caught in their throats. All time seemed to freeze. Even the wind and the rain outside ceased their attack on the window. The girls had no idea that I was there. I faltered in my conviction. I had already given my position away; there was no hiding now. I pulled the bed curtains back and stared out at the gaping girls.

“That’s not true,” I said again, my voice wavering slightly.

Lily glowered at me with her arms folded over her chest, red hair shimmering like fire, lips pursed into a firm line that would have given Professor McGonagall a challenge. I laid my book down and stood to my feet. My knees wobbled as I slowly approached her. I tried to match her intensity. Fortunately we were the same height, so that made the attempt a little easier.

“What did you say?” Lily asked severely.

“You’re wrong. James does care about people,” I said.

“Really? Name one person James cares about more than himself?”

“I can give you seven. James cares about Peter, Remus, Sirius …” I ticked each person off on my fingers, “…Fleamont, Euphemia, me... and you.”

Lily huffed.

“You see, James cares about his family,” I continued, growing bolder by the second.

“I am not his family,” Lily retorted.

“In his dreams you are and that’s reason enough for him. Family is the most important thing to James. He’d do anything for them. He’d die for them. The relation doesn’t even have to be blood, I mean look at me. I have no family really; just James and his parents and he’d do anything to protect me.

“So I’ll say it again Lily; you’re wrong. James does care about people other than himself, more than you know.”  I stared resolutely at Lily; she stared resolutely back. Her arms remained folded across her chest while mine were steady by my side. We stared, unblinking, at one another; our fury was matched glare for glare. At last Lily huffed and rolled her eyes.

“Whatever,” she said as she marched to the bathroom and slammed the door closed behind her.

I stared after her. What did James see in her anyways? I pushed my way past Amelia and Emma, and walked down the stairs to the common room where I joined Remus on one of the couches. 

"Did Lily see James with Lizzy?" he asked.

"Yeah," I huffed and Remus went back to reading.

**XXX**

_Help me, please somebody!” a fragile voice called out into the smoky night._

_I looked around me. Once again I was alone, standing on a hillside surrounded by a forest. In front of me sat the burning house and, in it, the trapped girl. She was leaning out the second floor window. Her dark grey hair fell about her ash covered face. She locked my eyes in her pleading gaze; her blue eyes were pale and tired. Her lips trembled as she spoke._

_"Please Kate, help me.”_

_I pulled out my wand and muttered, “Aguamenti.” Nothing happened. I tried again, still nothing. I tried another spell and there was no reaction. Maybe if I could just get inside then I could lead her out to safety in my Animagus form. I tried transforming. Nothing happened. My magic was failing me._

_The young girl was still crying out for help. I knew I had to do something. I tried approaching the burning house. The immense heat emanating from the fire was too intense. I couldn’t breathe. The smoke swam around me, engulfing me completely. My vision was clouded. My lungs were restricted. The young girl continued to cry for help, but I was helpless to help her._

_"Help me, please somebody!” I called out into the smoky night, but there was no one there to help._

I sprang up in bed, haunted by another nightmare.

              

**_8 October 1976_ **

 

I sat alone at a table in the back corner of the library, near the restricted section. It had now been a whole month, to the day, since I sorted things out with James. I had already managed to read, entirely, through all my school books, so I had resorted to reading really long and boring books from the library. I was still trying to tire my mind enough to sleep.

My head, resting in the palm of my hand, began to bob as my eyes fluttered closed. I was suddenly standing once again on the hillside. The one place I didn’t want to be, but the one place I couldn’t avoid in my sleep. I could hear the young girl call my name; I tried to pull myself away. What was the point of even trying to save her when I knew I couldn’t?

“Kate…” the girl called out. “Kate…”

This time I felt a pull on my arm. That was new. The pull came harder this time and I was suddenly jerked awake. I took in my surroundings, and saw that Remus was standing in front of me; his hand was on my arm that was stretched out over the table. I sat up as he took the seat across from me.

“I believe your bed in the dorm is a little softer than that book,” Remus said with a smile.

“Yeah, probably. I think a bag of nails would be softer than the book was.” I smiled back. There was a moment’s pause as Remus studied me from across the table.

“Are you feeling all right, Kate? You look exhausted.”

Oh crap! “Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied. “They’re just really loading us down with a lot of homework.”

“Right. I understand.” He nodded knowingly.

“What about you?” I asked. “How are you doing?”

“I’ve been better,” he said with a sigh.

And in truth, he had. Remus looked pale and sickly; his eyes were slightly bloodshot, and he looked as though he'd forgotten to shave in a few days. It was then that I recalled that the full moon was this weekend. This was perfect! What better way to tire my mind than through physical exertion? James couldn’t say no because of the promise he had made. So all I had to do was convince Remus…I reached across the table and laid my hand over his, soothingly.

“So,” I began as casually as possible. “James has been doing a lot better at the ‘no smothering’ thing than I thought he’d be doing.”

“He is isn’t he?” Remus agreed.

“Yeah, I thought it would take a lot longer for him to actually get the hang of it.”

An awkward silence passed.

“How do you like your new freedom?” Remus asked.

“Eh-” I shrugged. “Nothing’s really changed that much.”

“Except that I don’t see you as often,” he said softly.

I ducked my head shyly. “Like I said, I have a lot of homework.”

“We have the same homework, Kate.”

“Except Astronomy and Arithmancy,” I added and Remus nodded.

Another awkward silence passed between us. Why was it suddenly so hard to talk to him?

“So,” I said again. “I’ve been thinking, since James has this new outlook now, that maybe I could go with you this time.”

“Go with me where?”  he asked puzzled.

“You know… this weekend, when you…visit your mum.” His face grew whiter as he realized what I was asking. “I think you’d find that I would be of use. I’m really fast; faster than James or Sirius, and I’m only slightly smaller than Sirius is. I have excellent vision, and I can climb. They can’t climb.”

“Climb?”

“Yes, the trees. I’m very agile. I could provide the bird’s-eye-view.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Kate. James wouldn’t like it,” Remus said shaking his head.

“James doesn’t control me anymore. He can’t say no. He promised to back off,” I countered.

“Back off yes, but let you walk head first into danger?”

“I won’t be going into danger. You’re not…”

“Yes, Kate, I am!” Remus said sharply, cutting me of. He continued on a softer note. “If something were to go wrong, if something happened to you, Kate, I…” His sentence trailed off.

“Remus, please…” I nearly begged.

“The answer is ‘No,’ Kate,” he said with a since of finality. “It’s for your own good.”

 I was suddenly furious. I slammed the book I was reading shut, and rose fiercely to my feet.

“I don’t need James’ or your protection! I can look after myself!” I yelled. I left the book on the table and stormed out of the library.

' _It’s for your own good.’_ I can’t believe he said that! That he had the nerve to even think about saying it. My own good? Who was he to determine what was for my own good? I brushed past the various students that were in the corridors, not paying attention to any of the faces or the robes they wore. Golden sunlight streamed in through the windows that I passed. The sun was beginning to set. It was the perfect time for a good run.

I walked out into the front lawn while the other students were just beginning to make their way inside for dinner. I wasn’t hungry. I was in no mood to be around anybody at the moment. I needed the time to myself to think things over. I stalked determinedly towards the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

“Kate, please,” Remus called out.

Great! The one time I didn’t want him chasing after me.

“Piss off, Lupin!” I yelled over my shoulder. I was really mad.

“Kate!” He caught me by the arm, halting me in my tracks. “Kate, please, calm down.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

“I’m not, I’m asking. Please, Kate, come back inside. Come have dinner with me.”

I stared unfaltering over his shoulder at the dark forest, refusing to meet his eye.

“Come on, Kate, please.” His voice was soft and tender. My eyes stung with anger. Remus followed my eyes to the forest. “You don’t want to go in there, Kate. It’s not safe.”

That was the last straw! I ripped my arm free of his grasp and looked him firmly in the eye.

“Try and stop me,” I challenged. Before Remus could protest further, I transformed and sprinted into forest. I could hear him swearing in the spot where I left him.

**XXX**  

It felt like I had been running for hours, never actually going too far into the forest, before I returned to the edge of the trees where I had entered. The sun had disappeared from the sky and the moon and stars had taken over. I studied the castle, and could see very few lights on. I guessed that it was either very near curfew or it had already past. I knew I had to get back inside before the front doors were locked, or I would have to sleep outside.

I prowled to the entrance and placed a front paw on the great oak door. I pushed ever so lightly and felt a great rush of relief as the door gave way. I squeezed through the smallest hole possible, and pushed the door closed behind me. I wasn’t ready to go to the dorm yet, so I made my way to the Astronomy Tower. I was careful to stick to the shadows. Most portraits and students weren’t accustomed to seeing a black leopard in the corridors at night. I took the stairs up the tower two at a time. When I finally reached the top landing, I changed back into my human self and stepped out onto the balcony. It was empty, just like it always was on a Friday night.

My hair flew in the wind as I walked further out on the terrace. The sky was cloudy, but no less beautiful. I leaned against the outside wall and closed my eyes; breathing deep, I let the serenity wash over me. The run had done its job of relieving the stress, but now it was time for the clam after the storm. I don’t know how long I stood there like that, but I knew I could have stayed forever if only my arms hadn’t of fallen asleep.

I reached deep into one of the pockets on my school robes and pulled out a tiny, rectangular box. From another pocket I pulled out my wand, a ten inch beech with the hair from a unicorn tail at its core. I tapped the tip of my wand to the box and murmured the incantation and the box grew to its normal size. From it I pulled my telescope and set it up. I searched the sky for a spot free of clouds, and away from the bright moon. When I found one I directed my telescope to it and just stared at it, committing it to memory.

Again, I don’t know how long I spent glancing through the telescope. I never paid attention to the time when I was star gazing. When the star I was studying was covered by a cloud I moved on to another one. I was only able to examine a handful of stars before the night grew completely dark; the clouds had managed to take the stars hostage. I guess this meant it was time to pack it up.

I sighed heavily once my telescope was back in its box. I was looking out over the grounds when I saw a shadow fly by. I studied the area where I had seen the shadow, but I saw nothing more. It must have been a bird, or some kind of animal. 

I picked up my telescope box; surely it was late enough to not get caught. I took one last look around, and was disappointed to find that there were no clearings, and there didn’t appear as if there would be any anytime soon. I turned away from the wall and headed back for the door which would lead me back down a long, winding stair case. I was reaching out for the door knob, when it turned on its own and swung forth. Like an icy grip, terror seized me.  


	5. Astronomy Tower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry. I don't know how I did it, but I left this chapter out and posted the next chapter first. My bad.

**Astronomy Tower**

**The** door swung forth on its own accord and my heart ceased its steady beating. I stared perplexed into dark nothingness, wondering what would have caused the door to open. A cold, chilling air rushed over me and the nothingness began to slither towards me. A stench that vaguely reminded me of boiling frog spawn filled my senses. I stumbled backwards, blood beginning to rush through my veins.

Further and further back I moved, ever hesitant, while the nothingness continued to creep its way over to me. I was startled to find that I had run into the outer wall sooner than I had expected. But when a pair of ice-cold fingers wrapped their way around my arms, I realized it wasn’t the wall I hit. I quickly looked around me and saw that I was surrounded by more nothingness.

As I scanned the circle around me again, the nothingness began to take shape. Seven dark figures stood around me, seven figures cloaked, hooded, and masked in black. My breathing became uneven, and my heart pumped erratically.

“Well, well, well look who we have here,” the figure directly behind me sneered. Its voice was somehow disguised so I didn’t recognize it.

“A brave little Gryffindor,” said another figure.

“She doesn’t look very brave,” yet another mocked.

I didn’t feel very brave.

The figure directly in front of me, the one who came through the door, remained silent; it was studying me, searching me. The icicle fingers holding me began to stroke my arm. I spun around, whipping out my wand in the process, and pointed it directly at the spot where the figure’s face would be, but before I could even think of an appropriate defensive curse I was disarmed. I glanced around to find that there were six wands directed at me; my own wand lay outside the circle.

“A fighter,” the figure now before me said.

“I like the fighters. They’re more fun,” another figure said, laughing sinisterly.

I was outnumbered, out powered, and completely petrified. Where was James when you needed him most? Oh right, he was backing off and letting me take care of myself. I suddenly couldn’t remember why I had insisted that I could take care of myself. This very moment proved otherwise. I was defenseless and weaponless. Wait, I wasn’t weaponless…not completely at least. I still had my telescope.

The seven figures started moving in on me, closing off the circle. Their taunting laughs swam around me, mocking me. I gripped the telescope box firmly in both hands. One figure leapt forward; I sidestepped him and swung the box furiously, catching him in the back. The other figures didn’t approve. They too tried lunging for me. I fought back with my telescope. I succeeded in knocking a few of them with the box, until they managed to pry it from my hands and toss it aside. Now I was truly weaponless.

I was once again facing the door and I noticed that there was a clearing. So I made a run for it. Grabbing the handle, I pushed and pulled, twisted and turned but nothing happened. The door had been magically sealed. I was trapped.

I turned slowly around and pressed my back against the door. My eyes were probably twice their normal size, but I couldn’t seem to take anything in. My legs were shaking so terribly, I wasn’t sure how I was still standing. My heart felt like it would beat its way through my chest. I opened my mouth to scream, but it had gone dry with fright and no sound would escape.

“Don’t leave love. The fun is just beginning,” one of the figures mocked.

The figures began moving in on me again. They moved together like a pack of wild animals. I turned around sharply and began pounding on the locked door, knowing full well that it would be useless unless there was someone on the other side.

“Hel…help!” I choked out in panic. “Help!” I said a little louder.

“Now, now don’t scream.”

I pounded my fist against the door harder and called out for help louder.

“Stop her!” the figure in charge demanded.

A pair of arms wrapped tightly around me and lifted me off my feet. I screamed out and fought back with swinging arms and legs. A sudden sharp stinging sensation told me I’d managed to knock one of my attackers fairly hard with my elbow, but it wasn’t enough. I felt a couple of spells wash over me and my wrists and ankles were bound together. I opened my mouth to scream again but no sound would come, this time not from a mere dry mouth but a silencing spell. Cold tears ran down my cheeks.

The figure holding me carried me to the center of the balcony and dropped me; my head slammed against the cold, hard stone and my vision blurred. I could now feel another wet sensation trickle its way down my face, and there was a metalic taste in my mouth. The figures made another circle around me. They called out insults and laughed as they tore at my robes. I tried crawling away, but a figure grabbed my ankles and pulled me back into the center.

 _“Stop!”_ I called out silently, knowing it was a futile attempt.

Even with bound wrists and ankles I tried fighting them off. I swung wildly at their legs, trying to knock them off balance, but they danced out of reach. I tried screaming out again, I don’t know why. Anger, fear, and determination rose inside me as never before. I just wanted the attack to end. A third time I screamed for them to stop but this time the result was different.

I felt the magic rise within me and escape my body like a sudden explosion. My hands and ankles were freed from their restraints, and my attackers lay sprawled on the brick some ten feet away. Glancing over my shoulder I saw that the door had blown open. Without another moment’s hesitation, I sprinted towards safety and raced down the stairs.

Round and round I went down the spiral staircase. I lost my footing several times causing my butt to fall hard against the stairs; I couldn’t allow it to slow me down though. I had to keep moving. Towards the bottom, I forgot about the vanishing stair and my foot lodged itself in the hole and came to a sudden stop. My momentum carried me forward and my foot slid out of its shoe and I rolled down the last ten stairs. I scrambled to my feet again, ignoring the stinging pain, and raced to the common room.

The stars remained imprisoned behind the clouds of black; no light streamed through the windows to light my way through the winding corridors. I don’t know how I managed to find the portrait of the fat lady or how I managed to get the password out when I found her, but I ran through the smallest hole possible and headed straight for the boy’s dorms. I didn’t pause outside; I didn’t wait to see if the guys were decent, instead I burst through the door and searched the room for James. He was sitting on Sirius’ bed, eating Every Flavor Beans. I staggered forth and collapsed at his feet, horrific sobs escaping my cracked lips.

All sound was muffled; only a light humming was in my ear. My vision was blurred and my head foggy. The world around me was swaying in and out of focus. A pair of hands grasped my face but I didn’t have the strength to fight them off. A pair of hazel eyes starred through their glasses into mine. Lips were moving, but I heard no sound and I could decipher no words. I continued to sob uncontrollably.

I don’t know how long I sat there crying before sound started to come back and I could hear James’ voice over the constant humming.

“Kate? Kate what happened? Kate talk to me. Kate what’s wrong?” His voice cracked; I knew he could feel my panic, but he was trying to remain calm for my sake.

I tried to tell him the whole story. I tried to tell him of how I was attacked on the astronomy tower by seven beasts, of how I barely managed to escape. But the words came out jumbled and broken. The only thing I managed to say clear enough for James to understand was attack.

“Attacked? Who was attacked?”

“Mahmah…mmm…mah…..mmm…” My lips were still trembling viciously.

“James, I—I think she’s trying to say ‘me’,” Remus said. “I think she was attacked.”

“Kate?” James turned back to me suddenly. “Were you…?” He couldn’t finish his question, but he didn’t have to. I was already nodding frantically.

James rose up. His hands were clenched into fists. His eyes turned dark and his jaw was tight. “I’ll kill him,” he said softly and sternly. “I swear by Merlin I’ll kill him!”

“James! She needs to see McGonagall,” Remus said.

A moment later, James scooped me into his arms and left the dorm. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into the crevice where the shoulder meets the neck, and continued to cry.

 

I don’t know how long it was before we stopped outside Professor McGonagall’s office but when James and I got there, there was already an insistent banging on the door.

“Proooofesssoooorrr!! Professor, open up!” That was defiantly Sirius’ handiwork.

“What in Merlin’s name is going on?” a very angry sounding Professor McGonagall said. “Mister Black, I should have… Goodness Potter. What is this all about?”

“Please Professor,” James began. “It’s Kate. Something’s happened.”

“Oh dear, come in.” Professor McGonagall’s tone changed to one of concern for her students.

James carried me through the door to Professor McGonagall’s office and gently set me down in the plush arm chair.

“Now, what is all this about? What has happened?” Professor McGonagall asked over my continuous crying.

 “I don’t know Professor,” James answered. “She hasn’t really been able to speak. But obviously something has happened. She said something about an attack, and look at her.”

There was a moment of silence as, I presume, they all looked at me. I was still having a hard time breathing as I was gasping for breath between my sobs.

There was a rattling, as if something were being shoved around and moved aside. A moment later, Professor McGonagall was standing before me holding out a goblet of clear liquid. I looked up at her, through my tears.

“Drink this. You’ll feel better.”

I tried to take the goblet from her with shaking hands, but my coordination was off. Instead, she lifted it to my lips. There was a mild hint of mint chocolate and an instant warming sensation as the liquid flowed down my throat. Within seconds the shaking slowed, the tears stopped, and breathing became easier.

“Now, Kate, can you tell me what happened?” McGonagall asked calmly.

“There….there was an…an attack on the…the astronomy tower.” There were gaps in my sentence as my voice continued to shake.

“An attack on whom my dear?”

“M-m-me. They attacked me.”

“Who attacked you? Did you see them?”

I shook my head. “No… they, they wore masks and cloaks and hoods. All I saw was black. They wore all black. I couldn’t see anything.”

“You say _they_ wore masks. There was more than one attacker?”

“Yes.”

“Do you remember how many there were?”

I searched my memory trying to recall how many figures I had seen, but the images were jumbled together and I came up blank.

“N-n-no Professor, I d-don’t know. They kept moving around. And they kept laughing…they s-surrounded me. I tried to get away but I...I couldn’t move and I couldn’t scream. It’s like my hands were tied together. I couldn’t fight them off.”

“It sounds like they used the silencio charm and probably a binding charm as well.” McGonagall paused to rub her temple for a moment. She looked me over through her narrow glasses, taking in my tattered clothing and my tear streaked face and the trail of dried blood that ran from my forehead to my jaw line and down my neck. I bowed my head in shame and disgrace.

“Now Kate, I’m going to ask you just one more question and I need an honest answer. I know this may be difficult to answer, but you really must answer me truthfully.” Sincerity was etched across her face almost to the point of severity. I looked up with wide eyes and braced myself for the worst; I knew what she was going to ask and I was very aware of James standing behind me.

“Did, did they rape you?” She nearly stuttered as her eyes pinched close and she hoped for the best. I could feel James tense and I knew every eye was trained on me.

“No,” I whispered softly. James sighed in relief. “But, I…I think they intended to.”

McGonagall bowed her head and let out a heavy breath. “Alright, let’s get you to the Headmaster,” she said, rising from her chair and grabbing her robes. But before the Professor could reach her office door, James had already scooped me into his arms and Sirius had opened the door for us.

Professor McGonagall eyed Sirius cautiously before walking past him into the corridor. James followed suit; Remus and Peter were behind him and Sirius brought up the rear. My eyes looked over James’ shoulder and settled on Remus as he followed behind, his head hanging low. The expression on his face was undeniable: guilt. Clearly he hadn’t told James of our little fight just before I took my run. He chanced a glance up at me and our eyes locked momentarily. An immense hurt cascaded down on me and I looked away quickly.

The way to the Headmaster’s study was only vaguely familiar to me because I had only been there once before. It was during first year, shortly after I had arrived at Hogwarts. The Headmaster had called me in to properly introduce himself as the headmaster and, I suspect, to see how I was adjusting to my new life as a Potter. Our meeting was only brief, but he wished me well studies and told me that his door would always be open to me should I find that I ever needed to talk or if I simply craved a licorice snap. Though I had never taken him up on his offer, he continued to smile warmly at me whenever he saw me in the corridors or in the great hall.

I was startled by our sudden stop as we stood just inside the Headmaster’s study. A little ways away Professor McGonagall was whispering urgently to the Headmaster. Slowly, the portraits of the former Headmasters and Headmistresses began to stir and focus on the intense conversation between Headmaster and Professor. Then, suddenly, as Professor McGonagall finished all eyes turned and focused on me. The force of their gaze pushed against my lungs making it difficult to breathe. James whispered calmingly in my ear, but my mind was whirling so quickly that I couldn’t make out what he said.

The Headmaster ushered us forward and took a seat behind his desk as Professor McGonagall quietly let herself out. The portraits watched me intently as James carried me forward and sat me in the chair directly across from the Headmaster. James took a seat beside me and grabbed my hand, the others stood behind us. The Headmaster clasped his hands together and laid them on his desk before peering at me over the rim of his half-moon spectacles.

“Now Miss Potter,” the Headmaster began softly. “Professor McGonagall has informed me of your situation, but would you mind telling me yourself?”

I looked to James for support and he squeezed my hand gently and nodded.

“Go on Kate, tell Professor Dumbledore what happened.”

 I looked back to the Headmaster and took a deep breath before relating to him the events that occurred on the astronomy tower earlier that night.


	6. The Headmaster's Study

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've already read this chapter, make sure you read the previous chapter, The Astronomy Tower. I don't know how, but I somehow forgot to post it before posting this. So sorry.

**The Headmaster’s Study**

**As** I finished telling my story, there was a hushed murmur from the portraits and the Headmaster began to pace and wring his hands. The door slowly creaked open and I glanced over my shoulder to see that Professor McGonagall had returned with the other Heads of Houses. The Headmaster rushed to them and quickly filled them in on what had happened. Once again every eye in the room seemed to fall on me and the weight of their glare pushed against my lungs. I quickly turned back around in my seat to avoid their gaze. Tears welled up inside me, but some magic held them at bay.

“Miss Potter,” the Headmaster came back around his desk and caught my eye. “Are you sure your attackers came through the tower door?”

I nodded my head gently, recalling the events in my head. “No, wait. Only one of them came through the door. The others…I—I don’t know how they got there. It’s like they just appeared out of thin air, but that’s impossible because you can’t apparate within the grounds. But then how? Unless they used brooms, but I don’t remember seeing any.” I looked up at the Headmaster from my rambling. “I can’t explain it exactly sir. All I know, is that one minute I’m completely alone and the next I’m surrounded.” I looked down again before whispering. “Seven.” My head shot back up. “There were seven of them.”

The Headmaster nodded solemnly and walked back to the Professors. “Minerva, Filius search the tower for any clues or signs of tampering. Pomona, Horace search the grounds and find Filch and ask him to search the rest of the castle.”

There were quiet agreements and some scuttling about as the door opened and closed again. The Headmaster made his way back over to his desk and sat behind it.

“How do you feel, Kate?” the Headmaster asked, using my name casually.

“Oddly sir, I feel fine. My breathing is a little strained, but that’s all,” I answered.

The Headmaster smiled. “Then I see that Professor McGonagall’s Calming Draught is still working. However, it looks like your brother could use some now.”

I glanced at James. His jaw was set tight, his legs were bouncing up and down, and his other hand was balled into a tight fist, his knuckles turning white.

“Now, Kate, I’m quite curious,” the Headmaster continued. “Why were you on the Astronomy Tower alone, so late at night to begin with?”

I paled. I was rather hoping no one would ask that question.

“No doubt doing what she does every night,” Sirius answered from behind me.

“And what exactly is that?” the Headmaster asked.

“Sir, I—I star gaze. It’s what I’ve always done, even when I was little...before the Potters.”

“When you were little?” James suddenly asked. “Kate? You remember?” He sounded excited.

I shook my head dejectedly. “No, I don’t remember. I, I just know.” A new hurt washed over me as I watched his face fall. “Granted, I’m not usually on the tower that late. I mean, I always make it back to the dorms before curfew.”

“And why were you late tonight?” the Headmaster asked.

Oops! I had said too much. I looked down avoiding his gaze. I could sense Remus shifting uncomfortably behind me. I could only imagine the blame he was placing on himself. I desperately wanted to reach out to him, to wrap him in my arms and comfort him. To tell him that it wasn’t his fault at all. That it was all my fault. I thought I could take care of myself. I thought I could handle things on my own, but I couldn’t.

“Kate,” the Headmaster pulled me from my thoughts. “Why were you out so much later tonight?

I sighed. “Because I went for a run.” James’ head shot up to look at me.

“A run?”

Crap! I did it again. The Headmaster didn’t know about our Animagus forms. I had to think of an explanation quickly. “Yea, a run. Just around the castle grounds, you know, through the gardens, down by the lake, in and out of the green houses. It was nothing really. Just a run, to you know, clear my head.”

I knew the Headmaster was watching me carefully; I could feel it. I avoided his gaze by picking at the skin around my thumbs, another bad habit. James obviously noticed and he shoved my knee lightly with his own. I stopped immediately but I still wanted to avoid the Headmaster’s gaze, so I let my eyes wander aimlessly around the room. It wasn’t long before they landed on an old pointed hat that sat on a shelf above the Headmaster’s desk. Most people would think it was just an old, tattered hat, but anybody who attended Hogwarts knew it was the Sorting Hat. I remembered the first time I ever saw that hat; I was eleven and I was scared then too.

 

**_1 September 1971_ **

 

_I was standing in line behind James, my new brother of nearly two years now (it would be two years in December and it was, at the time, September). We were in a room called the Great Hall at our new school. The older students sat at their house tables and the professors where sitting behind a long table on a raised platform up front, with the exception of one professor who was standing beside a stool, an old hat perched on top of it, and a long roll of parchment in her hand. One by one she called out the names of the first years and one by one they marched up, sat on the stool, she placed the hat on their head, the hat would call out the name of their house, and they’d march off to the appropriate table._

_I held James’ hand desperately, as if letting go would mean losing him, I squeezed even tighter as the professor called out the first of the “P’s.” James turned his body so that he could speak to me without having to take his eyes off the action before him._

_“Don’t worry, Kate. Everything will be fine. We’ll both get into Gryffindor, you’ll see. Just like dad.”_

_“B-bu-but how do you know, James? What if I don’t get in? What if something is wrong with me?” I whispered back._

_“Look, as long as it’s not Slytherin you’ll be fine.”_

_A new panic washed over me. James had told me all about the four Hogwarts houses that summer after we both received our letters. And then I heard him talking to that Black boy about how terrible they thought Slytherin was. I knew James detested that particular house and I was terrified that I might end up in there and lose the only family I had known._

_“But James,” I continued in fear, “we don’t know what type of person I was before. What if I was…” I lowered my voice even more and James had to lean in closer to hear me. “Evil,” I finished, trembling. James laughed loudly causing the nearby students to look at us. I could feel my cheeks burning and I ducked my head in embarrassment._

_“Kate, I know you’re not evil. You’re far from it. Just relax, and trust me. You’ll make it into Gryffindor.”_

_“Potter, James,” the professor called out._

_I whimpered softly, but James smiled broadly and gave my hand a gentle squeeze before marching up to the stool with an air of confidence about him. The hat had barely touched his head before shouting “Gryffindor.” James, still smiling broadly, proudly joined his now fellow Gryffindors, including that Black boy, at the table to our immediate left._

_I watched mindlessly as James was greeted by the other Gryffindors and congratulated by the Black boy, and I didn’t hear when the professor called my name. The boy behind me gave me a light push and my eyes shot forward._

_“Kate Potter,” the stern professor called out impatiently as her eyes narrowed in on me. I swallowed roughly and began to stumble forward. I could feel everyone’s eyes watching me but none were more intense than those of my brother’s, except perhaps the man with the half moon spectacles. I didn’t know who he was, but I recognized him from his many visits to the hospital where I was kept for nearly a year before the Potter’s decided to adopt me._

_I sat on the stool cautiously; my legs were shaking severely so that was easier said than done. I searched for James and found him only seconds before the hat covered my eyes. He was still smiling like he didn’t have a care in the world; I wished I could be as sure of things as he was. I jumped and nearly fell off the stool when a voice suddenly sounded in my head._

_“Hmm, interesting. Very interesting,” the voice, I could only assume was the hat, said. “Let’s see where to put you? Perhaps…no, no that won’t do. Maybe…no not at all. Dear you are difficult aren’t you? Well then what about…yes, yes Ravenclaw would work very nicely. Yes I think Ravenclaw…”_

_“ **No! It has to be Gryffindor** ,” I thought._

_“Gryffindor? Are you sure?”_

_“ **Please, put me in Gryffindor. I need to be in Gryffindor**.”_

_“Gryffindor? But a mind like yours would excel in Ravenclaw. But I suppose… yes, Gryffindor would work for you as well. Hmm…Yes, yes I see you’re right. Well then…_

_“Gryffindor!” the hat shouted aloud and it was quickly removed from my head._

_In a daze I stumbled from the stool and made my way to the Gryffindor table where James was cheering louder than anyone else. He pulled me into a bone crushing hug._

_“See, what did I tell you? No worries,” James said as I sat beside him._

_“Yeah,” was all I was able to say._

 

**_8 October 1976_ **

 

“Kate…”

I was pulled from my flashback by a gentle nudge to my shoulder. I looked at James, startled.

“Kate, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I murmured.

“You went all glassy-eyed there for a minute.”

“I’m fine. I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

I paused before answering. What could I tell them? I’ve never told anyone how close I was to _not_ being in Gryffindor, and I wasn’t going to speak up now. I searched my mind quickly for something and responded with the first thing that popped into my head.

“About how I got away.” It wasn’t a total lie.

“And how did you get away, Kate?” the Headmaster asked, drawing my attention back to him.

I shook my head. “That’s just it sir, I don’t know. I mean they disarmed me from the start, and then they wrestled my telescope from my hands. I was bound, I couldn’t move my hands and I couldn’t speak. He had me pinned to the floor and his hands…” I couldn’t finish my train of thought as tears began to force their way out of my eyes. I closed my eyes tight as the scene from the tower played through my head again.

“I wanted it to stop.” I finally continued eyes still closed. “I tried fighting back, but he only fought harder to keep me. He was stronger than I was. I yelled for him to stop, but of course no one could hear me by then. Then, suddenly, there was a loud boom only it wasn’t too loud because it didn’t disturb anybody in the castle. I felt this wave of magic wash over me and I was freed. My wrists were released and the attackers were scattered about, knocked out I think, and the door…the door which was locked before now stood open.”

I opened my eyes, and saw through my teary vision that the Headmaster was watching me with a curious look on his face. “I didn’t stop to think of how it happened, Sir, I just ran.”

“Hmm…” The Headmaster rubbed his chin in concentration. “It seems to me that…” But what it seemed to him, I never found out because at that moment Professors McGonagall and Flitwick returned from the tower.

“Any news?” he asked as he stood to meet them.

“No, nothing Albus,” Professor Flitwick said solemnly. “Any sign or trace of an attack has vanished.”

“We did, however,” Professor McGonagall added. “Find these.” It was then that I noticed that she was carrying both my wand and my telescope. “I’m afraid that the wand has been snapped.” She held up the two separate pieces of my wand; a tear leaked out. “And this…”

“No,” I gasped when I saw the poor state of my telescope box. “Professor, may I?” I held out my hands, reaching for my telescope. With a sense of reluctance Professor McGonagall walked over to me and placed the telescope box in my hands. I placed it in my lap and examined it closely.

The box itself had received heavy damage. The red oak box had been blackened, as if burned. The lid was loose on its hinges and the handle had fallen off. There were chunks missing from the wood, leaving deep valleys in the once smooth exterior. Fearing the worst and hoping for the best I slowly lifted the lid. My telescope was no better off than its protective case. I lifted the broken pieces from the cloth bed and cradled them to my chest. The potion’s hold over me broke and great sobs erupted from deep within me.

Within seconds a pair of arms wrapped around me and I was cradled into a chest. But these arms holding me weren’t the arms I expected. I didn’t feel that sense familiarity I received whenever James hugged me to his chest. And somehow I knew it wasn’t James that was comforting me now and my theory was proven correct when James suddenly spoke from across the room.

“Professor Dumbledore Sir, do you think Kate’s attackers might have been Death Eaters?”

“Death Eaters? In Hogwarts?” Professor Flitwick squeaked.

“My word, how do you even know of such things?” Professor McGonagall asked.

“I heard my father talking about them. They’re the followers of Voldemort. My dad says there’s a war coming. He’s told Kate and me to be on our guard when we leave the house.”

“You father, James, is a very wise man. You should heed is advise,” the Headmaster responded. “But, I can assure you that there will never be a Death Eater who steps foot on these grounds so long as I live.”

“Then I bet they were Slytherins.”

“Mr. Potter. That is a very serious accusation,” Professor McGonagall scolded.

“Well, they’re all just training to be Death Eaters anyways, aren’t they?”

“The Slytherins receive the same training as you do,” the Headmaster answered.

“Yea, here maybe, but at home?”

“Mr. Potter, I think you should leave the hunt for your sister’s attackers to the Professors,” Professor Flitwick said.

“Yes, and meanwhile you should direct your focus to your sister,” Professor McGonagall added.

“It’s for Kate that I make these accusations.”

“Enough of this,” the Headmaster ordered. “I think it’s time we get Miss Potter to the care of Madam Pomfrey. The former could do with a good night’s rest.”

I could hear the group approaching me from behind now, and even though the tears had slowed their flowing, I stayed nestled into the chest of my comforter.

“Now Kate, do you think you can walk to the hospital wing?” the Headmaster asked me gently.

I shook my head no.

“Actually Professor,” Remus spoke up. I could feel the vibrations in my cheek as he spoke; it was his arms that held me. “I think her foot may be broken. I’m not certain, but it looks to be quite swollen.”

“Why, I believe you may be right,” the Headmaster said from beside me. “She’ll have to be carried then.”

“I’ll do it,” James said quickly and without waiting for a response he pulled me from Remus’ arms and held me in his own. I looked over James’ shoulders and saw a flash of anguish cross Remus’ face. I immediately longed to be back in his arms instead of James’.

“James and I will take Kate to see Poppy,” the Headmaster said authoritatively. “Meanwhile, I think you boys should return to your dormitories.”

“I’ll see to it that they do indeed return,” Professor McGonagall said. “Misters Lupin, Black, and Pettigrew, this way please.”

I saw Remus’ downcast eyes as he nodded once before following Sirius out, then James followed after Peter and the Headmaster walked out last. I watched Remus’ for as long as I could, until we had to part ways. James, with me in his arms and the Headmaster walking along beside us, turned into the corridor leading away from Gryffindor tower and towards the Hospital Wing.


	7. Alone

#  Alone

**_10 October 1976_ **

**By** the time we reached the hospital wing, I was overcome with silent sobs again. Madam Pomfrey quickly attended to my wounds and then, to my surprise and great relief, she gave me a sleeping draught. I slept until Sunday morning in a dreamless sleep, skipping all of Saturday. When I woke up it was to find a bright sun streaming through the window and Euphemia sitting beside my bed.

“Well good morning sunshine,” Euphemia said. “Your father was beginning to worry; he thought you’d never wake up. But I told him that you would wake when you were ready.”

“Fleamont’s here too?” My voice sounded strange to me.

“Well of course he’s here. He wanted to come as soon as we received the owl from Dumbledore. But I reasoned with him and convinced him to wait until morning. He’s only just stepped out for a moment now. He’ll return soon; I’m sure of that. Are you thirsty? Would you like some water?”

“Actually can I have some pumpkin juice instead?”

“Certainly.” Euphemia smiled and walked around the dividing partition and out of sight.

As I heard the pouring of liquid, I pushed myself up into a sitting position and looked around. From what I could tell the hospital wing was deserted apart from Madam Pomfrey, Euphemia, and myself. Light was streaming through each of the windows, and sitting on the small table beside my bed were the broken pieces of my wand and my busted telescope

“I wouldn’t worry about them too much dear,” Euphemia said as she returned with my juice. “Once Poppy says you’re well enough, we’re going to go shopping.”

“Shopping?” I asked, puzzled, before taking a sip of my drink.

“Well of course dear. You can’t do your lessons without a proper wand.”

I didn’t have a chance to respond because both Fleamont and James walked around the partition then. James just stood back and watched with a downcast look on his face as Fleamont swept me into a large hug. I knew from his mannerisms that James had already been scolded. I smiled apologetically at him over Fleamont’s shoulder; James just shrugged and gave me a faint smile in return.

 

Madam Pomfrey kept me in the hospital wing until after noon; she called down to the kitchen and had a few lunch plates sent up for the four of us. She released me after that and Euphemia swept me off for our afternoon of shopping.  We arrived in the alley behind The Leaky Cauldron before entering into Diagon Alley. It wasn’t as busy was it usually was before the start of school, but there were still a fair amount of witches out shopping.

We walked down the street, heading towards our first shop of the day. Euphemia’s deep royal blue robes flowed gently behind her. Her hair was in its usual braid that sat upon her head as if it were a crown. The gray strands were intermingled with the black weave and when the sunlight touched them, they shimmered like silver. I, on the other hand, was dressed in casual Muggle wear with my hair down to cover the scars. Euphemia thought it best to buy me new school robes first. My robes, of course, could have been fixed with a simple repairing charm, but Euphemia thought I would appreciate all new robes to keep the nightmares away. I didn’t really think it would help much, but there was no arguing against Euphemia once she had her mind set.

We were in the robe shop for about an hour before walking out with our purchase and heading down the road to Ollivander’s for a new wand. Euphemia first explained that my wand was snapped in an accident, and, as she laid it on the counter, she asked if there was any way Mr. Ollivander could repair it. Unfortunately he couldn’t, and instead he set about bringing out other wands that were similar to mine. I tried several wands made of beech and a few that had unicorn hair, but none of them worked for me. When it became clear that I was not going to be selected by the same kind of wand as my former, Mr. Ollivander began to bring out several random wands for me to try. Each box lay open on the counter, there were about ten this time I guess. I closed my eyes and let my hand trace lightly over the wands, waiting, hoping one would choose me; I didn’t know what would happen if a wand didn’t select me. At last, I felt a sort of heat radiating from the wand beneath my fingers. I opened my eyes and held the thin piece of wood tenderly in my hand. Immediately my body was filled with the same heat that flowed earlier as the magic pulsed inside of me.

“This is it,” I said softly.

“Well, give it a try,” Euphemia encouraged from over my shoulder.

I gripped the wand a little tighter and with all the confidence I could muster, I murmured, “Lumos.” A white light, strong and steady, shot forth from the tip of my wand.

“Good! Very good!” Mr. Ollivander cheered as he picked up the box. “Eleven and a half inches, Holly with Phoenix feather. A strange pairing, but a strong one.”

“Thank you for your time, Mr. Ollivander.” Euphemia paid for my new wand while I placed it back in its box and placed the box in the one of our bags.

We had spent nearly two hours in Ollivander’s, but we only had one other place to go: the magical instruments shop to purchase a new telescope. I knew Euphemia put this stop off for last because she knew it’d probably be hardest for me. And indeed, it was the hardest. I didn’t know how I could even look at another telescope when all I saw was my shattered one. Nevertheless though, I did end up picking out a new model, however half-heartedly it may have been. The model I picked wasn’t even going to be released until the following morning, so the shop had to order one and have it sent out to Hogwarts first thing.

After we left the last shop of the day it was around five o’clock and both Euphemia and I were a little hungry, so we went to one of the café’s and had dinner outside under the umbrella. All day Euphemia and I had kept up a casual conversation; Euphemia made sure to keep the conversation away from school, until dinner time that is.

“So, how are classes going so far?”

I shrugged, “Alright I guess.” Euphemia, of course, knew nothing of the nightmares I’d been having or of my attempts to tire myself out. “We’ve been working on non-verbal spells. I’ve managed one or two of them already.”

“I have no doubt that you have. You’re very brilliant you know. And how’s James doing? Is he still watching you like a hawk?”

I couldn’t help the small smile that spread on my face. “Not as much as he used to.”

“Good.”

“That’s probably why I’m in this mess anyways.”

“Kate!” Euphemia suddenly scorned loudly. “I will not have you say anything of the sort again. This is not your fault. Do you understand?” She looked at me severely and I could feel the prick of a few tears.

“Yes ma’am. Sorry.”

“Good, now that that’s all settled.”  She smiled. Euphemia took a small bite of her salad and we settled into a, mildly, comfortable silence for a few minutes. “So, that Lupin boy—what’s his name?”

“Remus.”

“Yes, well he seems very nice.”

“He is,” I responded without thinking. Euphemia flashed me a mischievous smile; I could definitely see where James got his from.

“He came to visit you quite frequently. Sirius and that other boy were there too, but Mr. Lupin came quite frequently.”

I could feel the blush creeping over my cheeks; I ducked my head to try and hide behind my hair. “He’s just a friend.” _And he probably still feels guilty._

“I don’t know; he had that look.”

“What look?” I couldn't help myself.

“The look that say’s he cares about you very much.”

My heart filled with hope and I had to quickly push it aside. “He’s just a friend,” I said again.

“Hmm.”

“And even if there was anything else there, which there isn’t, James—James would never allow it. He doesn’t want me dating his friends.”

“Ah, James. I can see how that would be difficult. Well, do you want to know what I have to say about that?” She didn’t wait for me to respond, “What James doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.” She smiled warmly at me and I returned a small smile of my own. “It’s getting late; we should get you back to school.”

Euphemia flagged the waitress over to pay our bill while I gathered what few bags we had. We didn’t bother walking back to The Leaky Cauldron but disapparated from the cafe and arrived back in front of the gates of Hogwarts. Hagrid, the grounds keeper, met us to let us in; though, I’m not sure how he knew to get there when he did. Fleamont was sitting on one of the stone benches in the entrance hall reading the _Daily Prophet_. When he saw us, he leapt up and gathered me into another large hug while jumping into a string of questions that were all related to how I was doing.

“Fleamont, let her breathe. My goodness; Kate is fine. How many times must I tell you that?” Euphemia said as she pried Fleamont’s arms off of me. “Kate, dear, why don’t you put your bags down over there? The house-elves will make sure they get to your room.”

“Do you need anything else pumpkin? Anything at all?” Fleamont asked as I set my bags down. I shook my head no. “Don’t hesitate to ask. You know, I’ll give you anything you want.”

I shook my head again. “I’m fine, Fleamont, really. I’m just a bit tired still.”

“Alright, if you’re sure then.”

“I am.”

I said goodbye to Fleamont and Euphemia, after yet another large hug from Fleamont, before heading into the great hall to join my fellow classmates at dinner. I was worried about the attention I would draw going in so late because I didn’t know how much people knew about the…incident. When I opened the large double doors, all eyes turned on me, as I feared they would, but fortunately they all turned away again when they say it was _just_ me. I quickly found James and the guys at the table and sat down in the empty spot next to Sirius.

“Mum and Dad gone?” James asked. I nodded.

“Are you feeling better, Kate?” James’ girlfriend, Lizzy, asked.

Her question confused me for a moment, but Sirius quickly explained. “You fell ill on Friday, remember? That’s why you’ve been in the hospital wing all weekend. Maybe you should go back to Madam Pomfrey if you’re still not well.”

“I’m fine. I feel much better now actually. Things are still just a bit fuzzy. Madam Pomfrey says that’s typical with a fever.”

“So you’re all right then?” Lizzy asked again. I nodded. “Good, maybe James will cheer up now. He’s been very worried about you.”

“He’s just being a good brother.”

“Of course he is! James is good at everything.” There was a moment of slight awkwardness as Lizzy beamed at James. “Right, well, I promised Eliza that I’d talk to her after dinner, so I’ll see you later. Bye James.” She kissed him quickly on the lips, but I could tell that he wasn’t really that into their relationship any more. “Bye, Kate. I’m glad to see you’re feeling better.” I nodded as she pranced off.

“I think it’s time you break up with her,” Sirius said once she was out of hearing range.

“Maybe,” James responded dully.

“I like her,” I said. “She’s a lot less bothersome than some of the other girls you’ve dated.”

“Yeah, like that Emily girl last year,” Peter piped in. “She was atrocious.”

Sirius murmured his agreement while stuffing his mouth with food. I noticed that James wasn’t really eating his; he was more or less just moving things around on his plate. I didn’t even have a plate.

“Aren’t you going to eat something, Kate?” Peter asked as he shoved a spoonful of potatoes into his mouth.

“I’m not hungry,” I responded.

“Kate, you need to eat something,” James insisted.

“Look who’s talking.” I pointed to his plate of food.

“I didn’t miss a whole day’s worth of meals, either. Now eat.”

“I already have. Euphemia and I ate in Diagon Alley.”

“Oh... well, you didn’t tell us that.”

I chose not to respond and looked around the table instead. I suddenly realized that someone was missing from our little quintet.

“Where’s Remus?” The three boys just looked at me like I was daft.

“He’s… you know,” Sirius tried motioning with his hands and it suddenly dawned on me what tonight was.

“Oh! Oh, right. It’s—it’s Sunday.” _How could I forget that tonight was the full moon?_   “So, I guess that means you’ll be…?”

“Yeah,” James answered. I looked away sadly. “Unless… unless you need us to stay here?”

I looked at him astonished. I couldn’t believe that he was actually offering to give up his night out of the castle for me, and judging by the similar astonished looks on Peter and Sirius’ face, they couldn’t believe it either. What struck me as even more surprising though, was how much I wanted to say _‘yes I need you stay.’_   I did not want to face the night alone. Just as I was about to open my mouth and beg James not to go, I thought of Remus. Without the guys there to help him, Remus would turn back to fighting with himself. How could I do that to Remus? How could I be so selfish? I quickly composed myself.

“What?” I tried to make it sound like James’ suggestion was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard. “No, no you go. Remus needs you. I’ll be alright.” Sirius and Peter looked relieved instantly, but James still seemed on edge.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I’m still a bit tired from that sleeping draft. I think I’m just going to head to bed now anyways.” I faked a yawn for emphasis.

“Oh, alright. Good night then.”

“Good night,” I said as I stood up. I left the great hall without looking back.

 

I contemplated going by the hospital wing to see Remus, but I didn't think he'd want to see me after what had happened. So I went back to an empty dorm instead; the other girls must have still been at dinner. Good. My shopping bags were sitting at the foot of my bed already, with the exception of my new wand which had been laid out on the bedside table. I ignored them for the time being and instead I pulled the curtains closed, cast a silencing charm around the bed, and crawled under the covers, pulling them up over my head. I didn’t want anyone to hear the thunderous sobs that erupted from deep within.

I cried for several reasons that night. I cried for my broken telescope. I cried for self pity and a forgotten past. I cried for an unrequited love. I cried for helplessness. I cried for the little girl in the fire. I cried because I was alone. I was alone, both literally and symbolically. There was no one around to comfort me. There was no one around to talk to. I felt utterly alone. The afternoon with Euphemia had helped ease my suffering, a little, but it was often times difficult to relate to her. Euphemia was very defined; she was static. She knew exactly who she was, and I—I had no clue.

I lay there for hours while, what felt like years, of anguish gushed from my eyes. I cried more in those few hours than I ever had in my six years of remembering. I screamed out my frustrations as I beat my hands on my pillow. It was a good thing I was so good at the silencing charm, otherwise Lily might have thought it necessary to place me in the mental ward at St. Mungo’s.

I wished more than anything that Remus could have been there to hold me like he had in the Headmaster’s office. I had never felt more secure or more at ease than I did in his arms. But I knew that despite whatever Euphemia thought, there could never be anything between Remus and me. How could he ever see me as anything more than just a friend? Or worse, a baby sister; one he had to protect. This thought, of course, only led to more tears and a different kind of anguish.

Any other person probably would have cried themselves to sleep, but, after I’d cried myself dry, I was too terrified to sleep. Not only did I have the reoccurring nightmare about the girl in the house, but now I had the real-life nightmare of the astronomy tower to worry about. No, I could not sleep. And in an attempt to stay awake, I recited various potions from memory. I don’t know how long I’d been lying there when I thought I felt something crawling on me. I slowly pulled the covers back to look around, and, wouldn’t you know it, there was a fat rat sitting on my leg. Spending so much time with the Marauders had made me accustomed to seeing weird or creepy things, so I didn’t scream. I was puzzled though; I didn’t think Hogwarts had rats, but then I noticed something strangely familiar about the rat. It was the eyes. I recognized those beady, black eyes.

“Peter?” I questioned. The rat didn’t speak, of course, but its head dropped down slightly and then he lifted it up again. It was almost as if he were nodding at me.

“What are you doing here, Pete? What if one of the girls saw you? Lily would have hexed you.” I was certain by now that this was in fact Peter in his Animagus form sitting on my bed, but Lily wouldn’t have known that; she would have just thought it was an ordinary rat.

Peter scurried to the bottom corner of the bed and looked in the direction of the door. Then, he looked back at me before looking to the door again.

“What? Do you—do you want me to follow you?” Peter looked back at me and seemed to give me another nod of his head before disappearing over the side of the bed.

Well, I can’t say that this was the strangest thing Peter had done, but it was among the top twenty. I was left with two options. I could follow blindly after Peter, or I could ignore his odd antics and lay back down. If I did the former I might have to explain my own odd behavior. If I did the latter, I could continue to wallow in my own misery, alone. I was heavily leaning towards staying put and ignoring Peter. But…what if Peter had come to me because something had happened? A stag or a dog couldn’t easily sneak into the girl’s dormitory, but a rat could. What if there was another attack? What if something happened to Remus?

Without hesitating a moment longer, I grabbed my wand and flung the curtains back. Peter the rat was standing in the middle of the floor watching my bed. When he saw me get up, he ran to the door. I looked around the room and saw that the girls were all asleep before I followed after him. Peter led me over to the sixth year boy’s dormitory before transforming back to his human self. I looked around the room anxiously; it was empty.

“What’s going on Peter? What’s wrong? Did something happen?” I tried to remain calm and not panic.

Peter shrugged. “Everything’s fine.”

“Then why are you here?”

“You seemed a little…down at dinner. I thought maybe, you could use a friend. So, I told James that I was coming back to keep you company.”

“What about Remus? He needs you.”

“James and Sirius can handle it. All I really do is get them in and out of the Shrieking Shack anyways.”

“Peter, I…” I faltered in my resolve. I couldn’t believe that he had come back for me; that I wouldn’t have to spend the night alone after all.

“Look, I stopped by the kitchens on my way in and picked up a few snacks for us. I got a few games out as well we could play. Sirius taught me this Muggle card game, Crazy Eights; it’s kind of dull, but it’s real simple. I’d know you’d pick up on it right away. Or there’s exploding snap, if we use a few silencing charms.”

“I—I don’t know what to say.”

“How about, ‘pass the creampuffs?’” Peter suggested as he sat on the floor by his bed.

I smiled, a little tearfully. “A creampuff sounds delightful, actually.” I took one of the sweet desserts from the platter in Peter’s outstretched hand as I sat across from him. “So, what’s this Muggle card game you mentioned?”


	8. Friends

**Friends**

**_11 October 1976_ **

**I awoke** the next morning engulfed by the sweet woodsy and minty smell that unmistakably belonged solely to Remus; I was lying in his bed, alone, and wearing one of his shirts as a night dress. Peter was in his own bed snoozing away. We had stayed up for most of the night eating pudding and playing games. When we had finally decided to call it a night, I opted to sleep in one of the guy’s shirts and Remus’ was the most comfortable—James and Sirius I considered too much of my brothers to really be comfortable in one of their shirts, and Peter’s didn’t fit nicely.

Even though I had only received a few hours of sleep, I felt incredibly refreshed; at least, more refreshed than I had felt in weeks. I suspected it had more to do with the comforting smell and less to do with actually succeeding in tiring myself out. If only there was some way I could wrap myself in Remus’ scent every night, then I might be able to get some more sleep and get out of this foul mood I’ve been in.

I lay awake contemplating my options. I knew I should head back to my own dorm to shower and get dressed, it was Monday morning and we had lessons in a few hours, but I was too comfortable to move. My mind was made for me when I heard the door open and close. I pulled back the curtains to see James and Sirius stagger in looking tired and worn. James gave me a slight nod before he fell down on his bed, across from Remus’; Sirius did the same in the bed next to James’.

“Is Remus alright?” I asked.

“Mhm,” Sirius mumbled. “Just went to ole’ Poppy. Should be back tonight.” He added through yawns. James had already fallen asleep, as demonstrated by his snoring, and I knew that Sirius wasn’t too far behind him.

“See you at breakfast then?”

“Mhm,” he breathed out before giving way to his snores.

“Maybe.” I rolled out of bed and slid on my shoes before quietly leaving the boy’s dorm.

              

As it was, neither of the guys made it to breakfast that morning and I had to sit next to Lily’s group; they didn’t mind though, it was actually quite a common occurrence on days that followed a full moon. James, Sirius, and Peter did make it to our first class, for which, I was thankful. Monday’s were slow days for all of us. We just had transfiguration and a double period of charms. In both classes the professors lectured before setting us to practice non-verbal spells again. They also both assigned a foot and a half essay due by Friday.

Remus didn’t return until after dinner. I was sitting on one of the couches in the common room working on my charms essay when he walked in and sat beside me. I glanced up at him through the curtain my hair made. His head was resting on the back of the couch; his eyes were closed and his breathing was steady. He looked as if he could be sleeping, but then he sighed and rubbed his forehead before leaning forward and resting his elbows on his legs.

“What are you working on?” he asked me.

“Charms essay.”

“Oh. When’s it due?”

“Friday.”

“How long is it supposed to be?”

“A foot and a half. Professor McGonagall also assigned us an essay due Friday, but I’ve already…”

“…finished it during your free period?”

I smiled sheepishly in response. He knew me so well.

“Is that your new telescope?” He pointed to the long, narrow package that was sitting on the table in front of the couch. The box was still sitting in its brown paper wrapping; I hadn’t bothered to open it yet.

I didn’t want to talk about my telescope, so I just nodded my response.

“Why haven’t you opened it yet?” he asked.

I shrugged.

“Hmm. Do you mind if I look at it?”

“I guess not.”

He seemed to consider it a moment more before leaning forward and taking the package in his hands. I tried to continue working on my essay, but as his fingers slid under the strings to move them aside I was mesmerized. I watched, again through the curtain of my hair, as his fingers slowly lifted the folded ends and unwrapped the box. My heart was racing. I could feel my pulse in ear and it muffled all sound as Remus gently lifted the dark mahogany box and brushed aside the brown wrappings. My breath hitched as he unlatched and raised the lid to reveal the polished wood finishing surrounding the series of lenses.

“Wow,” he said slowly.

I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t breathe.

“It’s beautiful.”

He thought it was beautiful? All I could see was my busted telescope. My eyes stung with the threatening tears.

“This is the newest model, isn’t it? It was just released today, I think.”

Slowly, ever so slowly, my eyes seemed to come into focus and my busted telescope began to fade, giving way to the new.

“I’m sure you’ll be able to see some amazing things with this, Kate.”

I suppose it was sort of beautiful; however, I couldn’t help but think, _“It’s not **my** telescope.”_

“Kate…Kate.”

I felt a hand on my left shoulder and quickly turned my head. My eyes found Peter’s, he was staring at me.

“Are you ready?” Peter asked.

“Ready for what?”

“For class,” he sounded confused. “We have astronomy in ten minutes.”

“Oh, right.” Now I knew why he, and the other guys, were so confused; I never forgot about astronomy. I slowly put up my ink and quill and rolled up my essay. I made to take my things up to my dorm, but Remus stopped me.

“Just come by our dorm tonight and get it. You don’t have time to take it up now.”

I nodded and left my things on the table instead. Remus handed me the box and I slowly took it from him before following Peter out the portrait hole. We walked to the astronomy tower in silence; well, I walked in silence. Peter tried talking to me but I didn’t really respond. All the way to the astronomy tower, I could feel my heart rate increasing. With each step I took it felt like my legs were growing heavier. The corridors were getting longer. Sounds were muffled by the low hum in my ears, and I had tunnel vision. If Peter noticed anything, he didn’t show it.

When we finally reached the bottom of the tower, the rest of the class was already there. Usually Peter and I would push our way through the crowd and I’d be the first to climb the stairs, eager to begin star gazing. But tonight, I stayed back as far from the door as I could be. When the professor showed up, the class began to file up the stairs, but still I remained in the back.

Peter and I fell in line with the other students and slowly approached the door.  As the door came nearer, my feet became heavier, my heart thumped faster, sound was completely lost, and darkness swirled around me. At last I stood before the door, the spiraling staircase before me. A breeze seemed to flow from the top down, and I smelled it. The smell of evil. I froze. I couldn’t go up. Peter was already on the stairs, leaving me. I didn’t want to be alone. I hastily reached out and grabbed his wrist. He turned around, startled, and looked at me.

“Kate?”

I gasped for air and tried to speak, but nothing would come out; my throat was dry. Peter must have seen the fear on my face because he swiftly moved back down the stairs. He grabbed my hand and without a word he pulled me away from the tower. It felt like we were running through the corridors, and in truth we probably were. Several twists, turns, and secret passages away from the tower and I pulled my hand from Peter’s. Panting for air, I pushed my back against the wall and slid to the floor where I placed my head in my hands and wept. I wasn’t on the floor long before Peter lifted me by my elbows.

“Not here, Kate. Filch’ll find us.”

He led me through a few more passages, slower this time, before we stopped in front of a painting of a large fruit basket. I knew exactly where we were. Peter reached forward and tickled the pair, which gave way to a door knob after laughing. I sank against the door and continued crying in my hands as soon as we stepped into the kitchens.

“Not now. Go away. We don’t want anything just yet,” Peter shooed away the house elves that gathered around us.

I don’t know how much time passed before my sobs gave way to mere sniffles, but eventually they did. And not long after that the sniffles gave way to silence. I rubbed furiously at my eyes to wipe away the last few tears before looking up to find Peter sitting at the closest table. I picked myself up and moved to sit beside him. One of the things I loved about Peter is that he didn’t pester me about my feelings, even though I knew that was only because it made him so uncomfortable.

“How about a nice helping of pudding?” Peter asked. I nodded my approval and Peter called over a house elf and placed our request. A few minutes later, three of them returned with a large platter full of various sweets. I had just taken a bite of my chocolate cake when the kitchen door opened and in stepped James, Sirius, and Remus.

“Aren’t you two supposed to be in class?” James asked as he helped himself to our platter of sweets.

“We’re bunking off tonight,” Peter replied casually.

“Six years and you finally get Kate to skip a class. Nice work, Wormtail,” Sirius said.

“Who says this is the first time? How do you know we don’t come down here most classes?”

“That would explain why he’s not getting better at astronomy,” Remus chimed in.

“Hey, I’m doing alright. I got an A in astronomy last year.”

“Only because I did all of your homework for you,” I said with a small voice.

“Right, well, you didn’t take my O.W.L for me.” I knew Peter could tell I was still upset, but he was trying to play it off.

“Not that you didn’t try though,” James laughed.

"Did not," Peter pouted.

"Didn't you try faking an illness in hopes that Kate would take the Polyjuice Potion and take your O.W.L. at a later date for you?" Sirius asked.

"Well, it didn't work and I still got an A. I'd like to see you do better."

"We did; we got E's." Sirius smirked.

"We’ll  just leave all the star gazing to my sister," James finished.

Sirius ordered some more pudding, since the first platter had already been cleared, and we sat around talking, well, they talked. Thankfully, no one questioned me further about missing astronomy; although, I did notice Remus watching me curiously every now and then.

While the guys joked and laughed, I tried to push aside the crippling fear I felt earlier tonight. I tried not to think about what tonight really revealed: I couldn’t climb the tower; I couldn’t see the stars. Instead, I thought of how I had placed Remus’ shirt in the clean pile and so it would be waiting for me when I got back to my dorm. The prospect of having another night’s sleep with no nightmares was almost enough to pull me out of my funk, _almost_.

Suddenly—whether it was because James saw through my façade and thought he’d try to cheer me up, or if it was because James was just being, well, James, either way—I suddenly found myself with a cream pie dripping from my hair. James had levitated a pie, and, without my knowing, he’d brought it around my back and dropped it on my head. I gasped and stood up quickly. James doubled over in laughter.

“JAMES POTTER!”

“Oh boy,” James halted his laughing.

“You better run, Prongs!” Sirius suggested.

James took a step back from the table. I grabbed a pie sitting next to me. James took two more steps back, before doubling over in laughter again. He didn’t think I’d do it.

“You might want to listen to ‘ole Padfoot here. Leopards are quite swift,” I taunted.

James continued laughing until he saw the look in my eyes, and he knew I wasn’t lying. He took off running for the door. Knowing that the fastest way from point A to point B is a straight line, I stepped up and crossed over the table and chased after him. I could hear the guys laughing loudly as I ran out of the kitchen on James’ heels. I knew I was faster than James, but James knew the castle better than I did. All he needed was second’s lead to sneak into a secret passage that I didn’t know about and he would lose me. And that’s exactly what he did.

Instead of running around the castle as if blindfolded, I decided to slow down and try stalking my prey. I moved to a darker corridor, away from the moonlight, and took a deep breath to steady my heart. I closed my eyes and focused my concentration on a single task. I discovered at the end of last year, while the guys were out during one of the full moons, that I could do something rather special. Not wanting my Animagus skill to go to waste I started experimenting with it. Now, with careful concentration and a lot of focus, I could change my head, and my head alone. Granted, it wasn’t a complete transformation. My face became a little oblong and black fur covered it. My eyes turned yellow and my sense of sight became sharper. I sprouted whiskers and my ears became rounder so I could hear better. It looked really weird, but somehow cool too. And it came in handy a few times, like say, when I needed to hunt down James to throw a pie on his face.

When I opened my eyes, my sight was indeed much sharper. The shadows I was standing in were well defined, and I could see further down the corridor. A suit of armor moved at the end of the corridor and I saw the shadows shifting. I used my new whiskers to feel the air around me as I moved slowly down the corridor, keeping to the shadows—people weren’t really accustomed to seeing a leopard face on a girl’s body. I held the pie steadily in my left hand and my wand in my right. As I prowled I kept my ears open for a hint of movement. 

My ears picked up the faintest sound a few meters behind me. I stiffened as I focused in on the sound; someone or something was coming. I moved deeper into the shadow on my left and brought the pie in front of my body. I knew it wasn’t Mrs. Norris; I think it was some kind of feline feel, but I could sense other animals, especially cats, and Mrs. Norris was several corridors away. I also knew it wasn’t Filch, because the corridors didn’t reek of his stench. No, it wasn’t Filch or Norris, but I did know who it was. I could sense the animal within.

I hid behind the slight out crop of the wall and waited for my prey. Steadily he approached. I held my breath. My nerves twitched in my hand; I was ready to pounce. He stepped in front of the out crop, unaware of my presence, and I launched myself at him

SPLAT!

 

 As the pie plate began to slide off the body before me, I gave my head a quick shake to shake away the transformation and return to normal. I let out a small squeak and jumped backwards, tripping over my robes, as I saw the face of my victim; it wasn’t James. Just as I was about to knock my head on the stone wall behind me, a pair of arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me forward. I hesitantly reached up and wiped away some of the pie cream.

“R—Remus?” I choked out. I covered my mouth with my cream covered hands as I tried to hold back the laughter. I had pied Remus!

“Merlin, Remus! I’m so…” I chortled. “I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t fight the laughs anymore and they burst forth. Luckily, Remus joined in.

“It’s alright, Kate.” He removed some of the pie from his face with one hand; the other remained wrapped around my waist. “A pie in the face is worth hearing you laugh again. I don’t think I’ve heard you laugh since the train ride.”

I didn’t know how to respond to his comment, so I ignored it for now. “You were supposed to be James,” I said as I siphoned away as much of the pie as I could.

“I was afraid this would happen.”

“What are you doing out here anyways?”

“I—I didn’t want you to be left alone, so I followed you.”

“Oh. Well, thanks.” I smiled and ducked my head. My well trained hair fell to hide my face.

“Kate Potter! Don’t you dare hide your smile from me.” Remus tilted my chin up so I was forced to look at him. “It’s such a rare thing this term, and I’ve missed it.”

My smile grew a little wider of its own accord.

“Besides, any friend would follow you after what happened Friday night.”

My smile dropped. All traces of it disappeared. I suddenly felt hallow and alone. I felt a cold breeze rustle around me and I shivered. Remus must of have noticed my sudden vacant expression.

“Kate, I—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring it up.”

He thought I was upset over the mention of the attack. And I was. Wasn’t I? I looked up at his face and knew that it wasn’t the attack that upset me now. He had just confirmed my worst fears. We were _friends_.

“Kate, I’m really sorry.”

“It’s alright,” I said dully. “You were only being a friend.” I tried pushing away from his chest, but his arms wrapped tighter around me.

“Kate, no.” He pulled me tight against his body and the coldness dissipated as the fire of his touch rushed through me. He cupped my right cheek in his palm as his thumb traced lightly over the scar beneath my eye.

“Kate, I…” His voice was husky, and his words caught in his throat. I felt his hot breath on my skin as our mouths inched closer together. My eyes drifted shut as I waited with bated breath for what would surely be the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

This was happening, right?

“What do we have here, Mrs. Norris? Students out of bed?”

Or not.


	9. Detention

**Detention**

  **Remus** and I jumped apart at the sound of Filch’s voice.

“Two students found out of bed snoggin’ in the corridors. And one of them a Gryffindor Prefect. We are going to enjoy this,” Filch sneered to his cat. “Off to McGonagall’s.  Let’s go.”

I couldn’t bring myself to look at Remus as I followed after Filch grudgingly. And I couldn’t let myself feel disappointed either; it’s not like Remus was actually going to kiss me. He would have realized what he was about to do and he would have stopped. After all, he had just confirmed that we were only friends. But I couldn’t shake the look I saw in his eyes, just before I closed mine. It was almost as if he _wanted_ to kiss me. It was a small glimmer of hope that I didn’t need, but couldn’t let go of.

Needless to say, Professor McGonagall wasn’t very pleased with being disturbed in the middle of the night to find out that two of her prized students were caught after hours. McGonagall in her dress robes, with the severest look set upon her face as I’d ever seen, was something I dearly wanted to forget.

“Fifteen points from Gryffindor and a detention for you both! Now off to bed!” McGonagall retreated back to her room with a slam of the door. I winced at the harsh sound.

Filch led us back to the Gryffindor tower, taunting all the way there. Remus and I followed in silence, only speaking when we reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. As Filch rounded the corner, leaving us alone, Remus murmured the password. The common room was empty and the cinders in the fireplace were glowing faint. We stood in awkward silence, looking anywhere but at each other.

“James is going to kill me,” Remus said with a heavy sigh.

“James.” I had nearly forgotten about my quest to seek vengeance on James. I marched determinedly up the stairs and threw open the door to the boys sixth year dormitory.

“Ah, finally she catches up to me. Long time no see, sis.” James sat casually on his four poster bed, as if he were waiting for me. Sirius and Peter sat nearby, smiling.

“This isn’t over James. I will strike back when you least expect it.”

“Is that a threat?” He mocked fear.

“No, it’s a promise.”

“Aw, don’t be such a sourpuss, Leo, just because Prongs beat you,” Sirius teased.

“He did not beat me. We all know that in a fair race I would win.”

“Well then, that’s not much incentive for me to play fair is it?”

“There you are Moony!” Sirius exclaimed. “Where have you been? And what’s that on your robes?”

I looked over my shoulder at Remus, who had just come through the door. I saw the outline of my hands on his robes in cream. Peter approached Remus and bravely swiped his finger in the cream and stuck it in his mouth.

“It’s cream pie,” Peter declared.

“Pie?” Sirius laughed out.

“She got you!” James joined in. “Man I wish I could have been there.”

I was rather thankful that he hadn’t been there, and I wished that Filch wasn’t there either. “It was supposed to be you coming around the corner, not Remus,” I explained. This only made James, Sirius, and Peter laugh even louder. Remus and I were the only ones not laughing, perhaps because we’d almost…

I shook my head. I had enough of James for one night. “I’m leaving,” I said exasperatedly, as I moved forward to grab my belongings.

“Aw, don’t leave Leo. We want to know more,” Sirius said.

“Yeah, like the look on Moony’s face when it happened,” Peter added.

“Or the look on yours when you realized it wasn’t me,” James laughed even louder.

"I’ve got to try and wash this stuff out of my hair.” I stalked to the door. “And, watch your back, James. You never know when I might pounce.” I let the door close roughly behind me, drowning out his roaring laughter.

 

The rest of the week passed without much happening. Lily managed to corner me in the dorm on Tuesday, where she told me she was glad I was feeling better. I made Peter go to astronomy alone on Wednesday night. Thursday, after transfiguration, I talked to Professor McGonagall about pulling out of astronomy all together. She wasn’t thrilled with the idea—neither was I for that matter—but I wasn’t backing down. By Thursday evening, much to my disappointment, James and Lizzy had broken up. And lastly, at breakfast on Friday, Remus and I received letters that said we were to meet Filch in the entrance hall at one p.m. on Saturday for our detention.

 

**_16 October 1976_ **

 

Saturday. I was a little disappointed to be giving up what was probably going to be the last _nice_ Saturday afternoon. For now, the sun was shining and there was only a light cool breeze, but next weekend would probably be tainted by a cold, harsh rain storm and every weekend thereafter would be much of the same before the rain turned to snow. I had been looking forward to spending this Saturday reading one of my favorite books under the beech tree out by the lake. At least now I would be spending the afternoon with Remus. Hey! I’m trying to think positive here. It’s not as easy as it sounds.

Speaking of Remus, he was already standing in the entrance hall with Filch when I walked down the last few stairs.

“All here then?” Filch asked, his voice laced with disdain. “Well, let’s go.” He gave a short nod to his cat and she strutted off to roam the castle for other rule breakers. Remus and I glanced at each other, briefly, before following Filch out onto the grounds.

“Detention with Hagrid, it’s a bunch of rubbish if you ask me. That’s the trouble with student’s these days, no proper punishment. Should hang you by your ankles with chains in the dungeons like the old ways, that’s what we should do.”

Filch went on about how students weren’t punished enough all the way down to Hagrid’s; Remus and I walked silently behind him. Along the way, I saw many students enjoying their day like I wish I could. It really was a nice Saturday. Filch left us as soon as Hagrid met us outside his hut, but on his way back Filch continued to mumble about “proper punishment.” Apparently, over the summer Hagrid decided to plant a vegetable garden, and for our punishment Remus and I would be harvesting it.

The garden wasn’t hard to spot. It was about a quarter the size of a Quidditch pitch and it was full of overgrown plants. I could recognize a few normal foods—corn, green beans, lettuce—but then, I also saw a few plants that looked like they might bite if I got too close. Hagrid gave us baskets, tools, and gloves and left us to get to work.

Remus and I decided to start on separate rows; we knew we could probably cover more ground if we started in opposite corners, but the plants in the back scared us both. The first few rows were pretty easy. We plucked and we pulled, and we worked up a light sweat under the October sun. We filled several baskets of very healthy looking veggies. After a good few hours of working, Remus and I had still yet to speak a word to each other. To say that there was still a lingering awkwardness left over from the almost kiss, would be an understatement.

Just because we weren’t speaking, doesn’t mean I wasn’t sneaking a glimpse of him as often as I could. Merlin was he beautiful. Though it was the weekend and we weren’t required to wear the uniform, he still wore a light button down shirt. The top few buttons were open and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbow, accentuating his forearm muscles as he gripped the harvest. The sweat, gleaming on his forehead in the sun, made his shirt cling tightly to his body and his hair to stick to the curves of his jaw. My heart, already fluttering by looking at him, was sent into overdrive when he looked up from his work and smiled at me. I tried to smile back before turning away.

When I finished the row I had been working on, I found Remus sitting on the ground waiting for me. I set the basket of cabbage down and looked around. The sun was significantly lower in the sky than when we had begun, but thankfully we only had five rows left. As I took another look at the remaining rows, I realized why Remus was waiting.

“I thought we could do the rest together,” he said.

“Snapping Radish and Tarantula Zucchini?”

“Looks like it.”

“Now I see why Hagrid gave us dragon hide gloves.” I pulled a pair of gloves from my back jean pocket. Dragon hide gloves were rightfully named. They were work gloves that were infused with a dragon’s skin. The tough exterior and magic made the gloves impenetrable and perfect for working with some of the more dangerous wizarding plants. Not that Snapping Radishes were particularly dangerous, they weren’t poisonous or anything, but they bloody well hurt when they bit you with their four pointed teeth. And Tarantula Zucchini had vines that would do whatever it took to protect their crop.

“You haven’t been wearing your gloves?” Remus asked as he looked at my dirt caked hands.

“They’re uh—a little big,” I responded as I slid one of the gloves on. Remus chuckled at how the gloved fingers clearly stuck out a few inches further than my own fingers and the glove hung from my wrist.

“Here, let me see them?” I placed the gloves into his outstretched hand. He pulled out his wand, and I watched as the glove shrunk with a simple tap.

“A shrinking charm? Why didn’t I think of that?” I slid the gloves on my hands; they fit perfectly now. “Thanks.”

“It was nothing. Come on, let’s get started, shall we?” He turned into the first row of Snapping Radishes and I followed suit.

              

“I’m going to go dump this basket before it gets too full,” I said as I dropped the wiggling radish into the basket sitting between us. Remus nodded his response. I stood up and brushed the loose dirt off my knees while wiggling my toes to get the blood flowing to them again. My whole body was aching as I lifted the basket to hip level. A nice, long, hot shower was sounding real nice right about now.

“Oh Kate look out!” Remus called out a second too late. I stepped out with my right foot but my left was restrained. Unbalanced, I toppled forward spilling the basket and falling face first into the dirt.

“BLOODY HELL!” I screamed out as a dozen sharp fang-like teeth sunk into my hands.

“Kate!”

I rolled over and sat up in time to see Remus kneel before me. With a flick of his wand the loose radishes flew back into the basket behind me, but the six that had their teeth embedded in my skin remained.

“This will probably hurt a little.”

“It already hurts—a lot,” I said through my teeth as tears leaked from my eyes and blurred my vision. I bit back my cry of protest as Remus ripped each radish from my hand and tossed it back in the basket. The pain subsided slightly once all the radishes were removed. After Remus had pulled the last radish out, he removed my gloves gently. There were several pin like holes and a few tears though which blood flowed from and mingled with the dirt on my hands.

“Aguamenti,” Remus murmured and a stream of water flowed from his wand and onto my hands. I took in a sharp intake of breath and hissed as I tried jerking my hands back, but Remus held on tightly by the wrists.

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright. It just stings a little,” I said, shaking my head.

Remus continued spaying my hands and wiping away the dirt. “You should be fine. The cuts aren’t that deep. See look, the bleeding has already stopped on the smaller ones.”

“What the bloody hell hap—Ugh!” I couldn’t finish my sentence because my left leg was suddenly jerked forward and I fell back and hit my head on the ground. I grunted as my leg was jerked again. I struggled to sit up and see what was happening. A vine from one of the Tarantula Zucchini plants had wrapped around my left ankle and was attempting to pull me back.

“Get it off me!” I shouted as I started shaking my foot; however, this only seemed to anger the vine and it pulled harder.

“Diffindo,” Remus said in a controlled voice. The vine was severed and I scampered away from it quickly.

“Bloody Merlin! Is Hagrid completely out of his mind? Who puts Snapping Radish and Tarantula Zucchini in a vegetable garden?!”

Remus stifled a chuckle.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Sorry, it’s just… You’re flustered.”

“And?”

“And, I think it’s adorable.”

I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks as a blush spread across them. I ducked my head instinctively.

“Hey, what did I say about hiding your smile?”

“Sorry.” I smiled sheepishly. Remus smiled back and just like that my anger and frustration dissipated. Remus folded his legs underneath him and sat crossed legged.

“Kate, I should be apologizing to you,” he said in a sudden serious tone.

“Why? You didn’t plant this garden.” I wrapped my arms around my knees.

“For last Friday?”

“Last Fri…?” My smile faded when I realized what he was talking about. Remus didn’t notice because his eyes shifted downward and he starred at the ground.

“I’m sorry I upset you, Kate. I should have chosen my words more carefully.”

“Stop,” I said quietly. Remus didn’t listen.

“I can’t help but to think, that if I hadn’t of upset you then you…”

“Stop.”

“…wouldn’t have run off into the woods, and then you…”

“Please, stop.”

“…wouldn’t have been attacked. And then…”

“Remus, DON’T!” I said forcefully as I stood up. Finally, I got his attention. He looked up at me with sad, apologetic eyes, mouth slightly agape. I tried taking deep, soothing breathes.

“Don’t blame yourself, Remus. It wasn’t your fault. I was so desperate… I probably would have gone running anyways.” I doubted that. I distinctly remembered that Remus’ refusal to let me accompany them on the full moon had sent me over the edge.

Remus was silent for a minute before he stood up. “Desperate? Desperate for what, Kate?”

“Nothing. Forget I said anything. It was nothing.” I tried to walk around him but he jumped in front of me and cut me off.

“Kate, what’s been going on? Why have you been so tired lately?"

“I haven’t been.”

“Kate, I’ve seen the signs. I know something is wrong. Please, just tell me.”

I avoided his eyes, knowing that he would be able to see right through me—not that he wasn’t already—but when he placed his thumb and forefinger on my chin and lifted it, I had no choice but to look deep into his pleading eyes. 

“I haven’t been sleeping.” It was an obvious answer. Remus knew that and he didn’t let me end it there.

“Why haven’t you been sleeping?”

I shrugged. “I’ve been having nightmares.”

“Nightmares?”

“Well _nightmare_ really. It’s always the same one.”

“Tell me about it. What happens?”

“There’s this girl. She’s eight or nine, maybe. I don’t know; she’s pre-Hogwarts age. And she’s trapped in this house on a hill, and the house is on fire. She keeps calling out for help, but I’m the only one there. I try to help her, but I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” Remus asked when he realized I wasn’t going to elaborate on my own.

“My magic won’t work. I try ‘Aguamenti’ but nothing happens. I try other spells, but nothing happens. I can’t even transform into my Animagus form. So, then I try just walking into the fire and rescuing her the Muggle way, but I can’t. Any time I get too close I start suffocating and blackout. That’s what I mean when I say I can’t.”

“I see.”

“I failed her, Remus. Every time, I failed her. I couldn’t help her. So I stopped trying. I thought that if I could wear myself out enough then I could sleep without dreaming. So, I started reading every book I could get my hands on. When that didn’t work, I started staying awake. I knew I couldn’t save her so I tried to avoid her. I’m a worthless coward.” My voice cracked and tears pricked my eyes.

“Coward? Kate, your first instinct was to rescue her. You even went as far as trying to rescue her without your magic. You’d put your own life in danger to rescue her. Kate, you are **not** a coward. You’re a Gryffindor, and rightfully so.”

“Well, maybe I shouldn’t be. Maybe the Sorting Hat was wrong. I mean, Gryffindor wasn’t even its first choice.”

“What do you mean?”

“It wanted to put me in Ravenclaw, Remus. I asked, no I begged to be put in Gryffindor.”

“Why?”

“Because James was already in Gryffindor. He was so certain that we’d both make it in, and I was scared not to get in. I thought that if I was placed into any other house, then he wouldn’t like me as much and he wouldn’t want to be my brother anymore. I didn’t want to lose him, Remus. I was scared, so I begged to be in Gryffindor with him.”

“But still, the hat chose Gryffindor, which means it had to see something there. It wouldn’t put you in a house just because you asked it to. Regardless of whether or not Ravenclaw was its first choice, it chose you for Gryffindor. Maybe it was because you were daring enough to argue with it. I’ve never heard of anyone resisting the Sorting Hat’s placement before. Come here.” Remus pulled me into his chest and rubbed his hand up and down my back. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest. I was taking every advantage of our close proximity.

“You are brave, Kate, you are,” Remus whispered, as he continued rubbing his hand over my back. We stood like that for a moment before someone interrupted us.

“What’s goin’ on here?” Hagrid asked suddenly. Damn adults! Always ruining the moment. Remus released me and I wiped away the remaining tears with my hands.

“Kate had an accident,” Remus explained. Oh great. Now Hagrid was going to think I was a clumsy fool.

“What kind o’ accident?”

“One of the Tarantula Zucchini vines wrapped around her ankle. She tripped and spilled a basket of Snapping Radish. Six of them lodged their teeth into her hands. They bit right through the gloves and drew blood.”

“Are yer alright, Kate?” Hagrid asked, placing one of his giant hands on my shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m fine now thanks to Remus,” I responded.

“Blimey, I’m sorry abou’ that. The fella I got these from said they was real dragon ‘ide gloves. Tha’s the last time I ever buy from him,” Hagrid said as he scooped up the gloves from the ground. “Yer two go on inside now. I think yer done enough fer t’day.”

“Are you sure, Hagrid?” Remus asked.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll finish tomorrow. Go on now.”

Remus and I turned and started walking back up to the castle. What a relief! I was glad I wouldn’t have to deal with any more of Hagrid’s garden. I for one was hoping I’d never have to see it again.

“So, tell me more about this nightmare,” Remus said. “The little girl, do you recognize her at all? Maybe from your past? Or from Hogwarts?”

“There are a lot of things from my past that I don’t remember. And she looks too young to be in Hogwarts yet. She’s got black hair, I think, it’s hard to tell because of all the smoke and ash.”

“Hm. When she’s calling for help, what does she say exactly?"

“‘Help me, please somebody. Please Kate, help me.’”

“She knows your name, but you don’t give it to her?”

I shook my head. “No, she just knows it.”

“So she must know you then.” He stopped walking to think for a moment. I stopped walking to watch him.

“She just says ‘help me?’ not ‘get me out of here?’ or anything like that?”

I shook my head again.

“Well, have you tried asking her what she needs help with?”

I stared at him incredulously. “Did you miss the part where I said that the house she’s stuck in is on fire? I thought it was pretty obvious that she wanted rescuing. I mean logically. I’d want to be saved from the fire if I were her.”

“Right, logically. I agree with you there. But… It’s just that, well, this is a dream we’re talking about, Kate. Dreams don’t always follow logic.” He paused to let that sink in.

“I think the next time you have this nightmare, you should try asking her what she wants. Who knows, maybe she does just want to be rescued, but maybe she’ll tell you how you can do it.”

“Moony! Leo! What have you two been up to?” Sirius called out as he, James, and Peter approached Remus and me from the direction of the Quidditch pitch.

I let Remus tell the story of our detention. I was too busy thinking about what he had said. Could he be right? Could the little girl want something other than to be rescued? I mean, Remus had a point about dreams; they weren’t always logical. I just might have to try his advice if the nightmare ever came back, which I had a feeling it would tonight. I, of course, didn’t mention to Remus that I hadn’t had the nightmare all week because I was still using his shirt to sleep in, but this morning I finally had to put it in the dirty laundry pile.

I left the guys out by the lake so that I could go take a much needed shower before dinner.


	10. Goddess of Memory

#  Goddess of Memory

 

**_The_ ** _fire was raging on like it did every time. The smoky haze rose high into the night. Ash rained down like black snow. Flaming tongues lapped at the sides of the house devouring it like a ravenous beast. And there, leaning out of the second floor window staring at me with pained and pleading eyes, was the girl. I was back on the hill in my worst nightmare._

_I knew what she was going to say before she said it._

_"Help me, please somebody! Please, Kate, help me.”_

_In a fruitless attempt to help her, I pulled out my wand and tried summoning water. As predicted, nothing happened. Over and over again I tried using my magic, and over and over again I failed. I fell to my knees and buried my head in my hands. My shoulders began to shake with my own sobs. Tears pooled in my hands. There was nothing I could do to save her. And for some reason I couldn’t pull myself away this time._

_“Help me, please somebody!” she cried again._

_“I can’t!” I yelled back in frustration. “Nothing I do works! I’m sorry!”_

_“Please, Kate, help me.”_

_**“Ask her what she wants, Kate.”** Remus’ voice sounded in my head._

_“Help me…”_

_“How?” I shouted out of desperation. “What do I do? What do you want from me?”_

_The scene before me changed abruptly. I was no longer standing on a hillside. In fact, I wasn’t standing on anything at all really, at least not that I could tell. Everything around me was black, but it wasn’t the pitch black darkness where you couldn’t even see your own hand when it was an inch from your face. I could see everything just perfectly, only there was nothing to see. It’s odd I know, but I don’t really know how else to explain it. It’s like I was in a room in which the four walls, the ceiling, and the floor were all painted black. What may be even weirder, I was no longer crying and all traces of my previous crying fit disappeared._

_The girl stood before me. Her arms were crossed over her chest. A coy smirk played upon her pale lips. Her light blue eyes seemed to shine in the darkness. Though they were still pleading and full of sadness, somehow they also appeared to convey hope._

_“I was wondering how long it would take you to figure it out,” she said simply._

_I meant to ask her what she wanted, but somehow it came out as, “Who are you?”_

_“You mean you haven’t figured it out then?”_

_I shook my head and she sighed._

_“It’s time, Kate.”_

_“Time for what?”_

_“You need to remember, Kate.”_

_“What?”_

_“Remember me, Kate.” As she finished, she leaned up on her toes and with her forefinger touched the center of my forehead._

 

**_18 October 1976_ **

 

I was jerked awake in bed and sprang into a sitting position. My chest heaving in and out.

“Kate,” Lily pulled back my bed curtains and sat on the edge of my bed. “Are you alright?”

My lungs felt heavy and constricted as I gasped for breath. “Fine. Why?”

“You just screamed. Are you sure you’re alright?”

I closed my eyes and focused. “Bad, dream.” I breathed deep and even and tried to look as convincing as possible. It must have worked because Lily relaxed, though her face was still scrunched up in thought.

“Oh, ok. Sorry to hear that. Um, we were just about to head down to breakfast. If you want, we can wait for you to get dressed.”

“Oh, uh—thanks, but I’ll just go with James.”

“James and the guys are already down there,” Emma said.

“Yeah, they just left the common room,” Amelia added.

“Oh.”

“Do you want us to wait for you?” Lily asked again, a small smile on her face.

“Uh—sure, just give me like two minutes.” I threw back my bed sheets and swung my legs over the side. After stepping into the bathroom to wash my face and slip into my school robes—it was Monday; Sunday had passed rather uneventfully, and consisted mostly of sitting around with the guys and making sure they had their homework done—I walked down to the great hall with Lily, Amelia, and Emma. I easily found the guys sitting at the near end of the table. I took a seat next to Sirius, who was across from James, and much to my surprise Lily sat down next to me.

“Kate, we didn’t see you in the common room, so we thought you’d already come to breakfast,” Sirius explained.

“I just got up actually.” I fixed myself a plate of eggs and toast.

“Morning, Lily,” James said cheerfully.

“Potter,” Lily replied coolly. “Kate, will you pass the sausage please?”

I reached for the platter, but before I could grab it firmly James picked it up and held it out for Lily. She glared at him with narrowed eyes before accepting. I mentally sighed and looked to Remus who appeared to be doing the same.

“So, Lily, I was thinking,” James began but Lily interrupted him.

“No.”

“What?”

“The answer is no.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

Lily sighed. “You were thinking that since this coming Saturday is a Hogsmeade weekend and that since you no longer have a girlfriend, that you would ask me to ‘accompany’ you to Hogsmeade.”

James smirked.

“No,” Lily said more forcefully with a smirk of her own.

“Ah, Lily, Lily.” James smiled and grabbed a piece of toast. “Usually you’re quite clever, and under other circumstances I’d say you’re right, that I would have asked you to accompany me to Hogsmeade. But, as it is, I wasn’t going to ask you to Hogsmeade—this time—because I, myself, am not going to Hogsmeade,” James replied haughtily.

Lily huffed.

“Actually, Lily, I think he’s telling the truth,” Emma said from where she sat on the other side of Lily. James beamed at her.

“It’s Potter. What makes you say that, Em?” Lily asked.

“Because, the first Gryffindor Quidditch match is in two weeks. James is captain. He’s called for an extra practice this Saturday.”

Lily looked at Emma as if to say: ‘how do you know that?’

“Michael was complaining about it all weekend because now we can’t have our first Hogsmeade date—yet.”

“You see! If you won’t listen to me, maybe you’ll listen to Emma here,” James said. “I’m not going to Hogsmeade this weekend.”

“Well… good, because I wouldn’t go with you even if you were,” Lily struggled.

“One day, Lily, one day.” James sighed before turning his attention to Emma. “So, you and Michael huh?”

Emma’s cheeks turned a bright pink at being questioned by her former boyfriend about her current one. “Yeah. We sort of bumped into each other in Diagon Alley this summer.”

“He seems like a good bloke.”

“He is,” she gushed.

“Good, you deserve it, Em.”

“Thanks.” She bit her bottom lip. James flashed Lily another overly-beaming smile, Lily glared in response, before Amelia distracted her. 

**XXX**

After we all had our fill of breakfast, we gathered our school books and headed off to Transfiguration, with the exception of Amelia and Emma who opted not to go for a N.E.W.T. in the subject. They, I guess, headed back to the common room. In the corridor, I was walking slightly ahead of James, Sirius, and Peter. Remus was walking with me when Lily jogged up between us and linked her arm in mine. I looked at her curiously; Lily and I didn’t have a relationship like that. We were acquaintances, dorm mates at best. So, for her to come up to me in the middle of the corridor and link arms with me was…odd.

Lily looked at me. Her smile was sweet, but her emerald eyes were full of mischief.

“Er—hi,” I said hesitantly. My eyes darted over to Remus, but his head was glued forward and he was acting as if nothing were out of the ordinary.

Lily took a breath before speaking. Maybe this was weird for her too. “Do you think you could sit next to me in class? Ashley moved back to Beauxbatons this weekend and I just know that your brother is trying to find away to take her seat."

“Didn’t you usually sit with Snape before?”

“I did.” Her face grew stern. “Before. We don’t talk much these days.”

“Oh.” Lily didn’t need to elaborate on why they weren’t talking. I knew the story. After we took our Defense O.W.L. in June, Snape called her a...well, a nasty word. I wasn’t there when it happened, but James wouldn’t shut up about it for weeks he was so peeved.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said.

“Don’t be. It’s his loss.” She tried to be strong, but I could see the glimmer of sadness in her eyes when she thought about it. “So, will you sit with me?”

“Uh—sure. I know how bothersome James can be.”

Lily’s smile grew wider as she pulled me into the classroom. I should have known though, that sitting with Lily meant sitting up front. When she pulled me into the middle third row I assumed she was taking it easy on me, but still, it wasn’t the back corner where I usually sat. I took the desk on the aisle and began to set my things up for class, which included setting my ink well on the top right hand corner.

A wad of paper hit the back of my head and I turned around to identify the culprit. It was easy to see that it was James that had thrown it as he was imitating that I should open the wad. So I did.

_Trade seats with me._

It wasn’t a question or a request, but a demand. I glanced at Lily. She didn’t seem to be paying us any attention, but I wasn’t willing to risk it. I rather liked my head the way it was and didn’t want it to spontaneously detach from my body. I looked back at James and shook my ‘no.’ He pleaded with his eyes and I shook my head again before turning around.

It was as I was turning around, however, that someone bumped into my desk. I didn’t take note of who it was because my ink well was falling off and about to shatter on the floor. I sprung up and reached out for it, and suddenly things became really weird.

One second I seemed to be watching the ink well fall in the transfiguration classroom. The next second I was watching an entirely different ink well fall in a dimly lit room with flashes of light surrounding me. And still the next second I was back in the classroom before once again seeing another scene, this time I was walking up a set of stairs. On and on it went—classroom / a woman in a kitchen / classroom / a man shouting / classroom / a searing pain in my knee—until the ink well hit the floor and shattered. At the shattering of glass I was no longer in the classroom at all.

 

_I stood in the doorway of a small kitchen. A woman stood a few feet in front of me at the stove; her back was to me. Her charcoal hair, the exact shade of mine, flowed in tangled waves past her thin, bony waist. She knew I was there, and without turning around she spoke to me with a frail voice._

_“Tell your father supper is ready.”_

_“B-but he’s in his office.”_

_“Go get him!” she barked back._

_I hurried from the room, frightened by her tone. As I climbed the stairs to the second landing, where his office was, I gripped the banister firmly as if it were the only thing holding me up. I was so scared; my arms and legs were shaking. The office door was slightly ajar and a man’s voice was flowing from it in swift, harsh tones. I approached the door slowly; I knew I wasn’t supposed to be in his office for any reason._

_I poked my head through the gap between the door and the frame. The dark wood furniture stood out from the thick green flooring. An ink well sat on the corner of a desk. A man was in there pacing the length of the dimly lit room; he hadn’t seen me yet. Someone spoke from a corner but I couldn’t see who. I tapped my fist lightly on the door and it swung open._

_“She says supper’s…” I began with a shaky voice._

_“GET OUT!” The man pacing bellowed suddenly. He halted his pacing and turned to face me. “GET OUT! GET OUT!” He reached for something in his robes and as he pulled it out he hit the ink well on the desk and it fell to the floor and shattered. The ink oozed out and stained the carpet like black blood._

_A strange prickling sensation on the back of my neck told me to duck quickly; I did, and barely missed the curse that was fired at me. I chanced a glance up and saw that the man had his wand pointed at me. I fled in fear, but in my haste I tripped over my robes and fell into the banister on the landing. Unfortunately for me one of his spells also landed on the banister and together our force broke the wooden structure. My momentum carried me forward and I fell to the first floor. At first I was too stunned to feel anything, but then there was a searing pain in my knee. I inspected my knee to find to a piece of the banister had lodged itself in my flesh. I removed the offending piece of wood with a howl of pain._

 

“Kate?” A hand on my shoulder pulled me back to reality. I looked at Lily in a daze before clutching the scar on my knee in pain; a scar which matched perfectly the outline of a broken banister piece. My head swam with the realization of what had just happened. I felt dizzy.

“Miss Potter, please sit down,” Professor McGonagall said from the front of the room.

Sit? Sit? I couldn’t sit. I had to get out of here. I had to think this through. I had to figure out what was really going on. Why, after all these years, had I suddenly remembered something from my past? My feet quickly led me out of the classroom of their own accord.

“Miss Potter!”

“Kate!” James called out.

“Mister Potter, sit down!” McGonagall barked at James as he jumped up after me.

I moved swiftly through the corridor.

“Kate! Kate, wait up! Kate, where are you going?” James followed behind me. His hand fell on my shoulder, and we stopped abruptly. He spun me around. “Kate, what’s…”

“I remember.”

“What?”

“I remembered something. I have to get to the Headmaster.” I turned around again and broke out in a run. James’ foot falls behind me told me was running too. I hadn’t been to the Headmaster’s office but a few times before, and yet my feet seemed to know exactly where to go. I stopped, puzzled, when I reached the gargoyle. I had no idea what the password was.

“Licorice snap,” James panted. I paused only momentarily to look at him, before stepping onto the spiraling stairs. I stepped onto the landing at the top and knocked with the brass griffon knocker. The door opened and I stepped in.

“Ah, Miss Potter,” the Headmaster said, looking up from where he stood next to his Phoenix.  “And Mister Potter,” he added when James walked in. “What an unexpected surprise.”

“Sir? Isn’t the point of a surprise to be unexpected?” James asked.

Headmaster Dumbledore chuckled. “Indeed it is, Mr. Potter, indeed it is. Now, what brings…”

“I’ve remembered something!” I blurted out.

“Kate!” James whispered harshly as he nudged me with his elbow. “Don’t interrupt the Headmaster.” I looked at the Headmaster cautiously; his eyes were widened with shock. At least, I think it was shock.

“Er—sorry, Sir. It’s just that…well, I’ve remembered something from my past, and I thought you’d like to know.”

“Ah, I see. Well, come in, have a seat.” He directed us to the chairs in front of his desk while he moved around to the back of it. “Licorice snap?” he offered.

“Er—no thanks.”

“Sure. Thank you.” James reached out and grabbed one of the wiggling creature-like candies.

“So, Miss Potter, what is it that you remembered that is of such an importance for the two of you to miss a lesson?” The Headmaster smiled knowingly and his eyes twinkled a little.

“Oh, well, it’s nothing to do with the fire or anything it’s just…well it’s my first memory and I didn’t really know what else to do, and I knew you would be curious to know about it because you tried so hard back at the hospital, but then… and James, well, he wasn’t supposed to follow me, and it’s just…”

“Kate,” James cut of my rambling.

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright, Miss Potter. Just take a deep breath, and tell us what you remember.”

I closed my eyes and took a breath like the Headmaster had instructed. “It all started when my ink well fell. …”


	11. It Was an Accident

**It Was an Accident**

 

**I spent** the whole time in the Headmaster’s office going over every detail, trying to recall everything about the recovered memory. And though I could see the memory with pristine clarity, I could remember nothing before or after the natural beginning and end; every time I tried it was like running head first into an invisible brick wall. I didn’t understand. If my memory had returned, why couldn’t I remember beyond that one memory?

We were forced to conclude that my memory hadn’t fully returned, but that just a single memory had. Was this a sign of what was to come? Would I be forced to remember every painful detail of how I received the many scars on my body? Or was this just a random occurrence brought on by lingering stress of the attack and the nightmares—though, of course, I didn’t mention the nightmares to James or the Headmaster.

With more questions than answers, James and I left the Headmaster’s office nearly an hour and a half after we had entered. We walked back to the Transfiguration classroom slowly and silently. James hadn’t really spoken at all since I started telling the Headmaster of my memory. I think that for the first time, James Potter was actually speechless. Neither he nor the Headmaster, nor I for that matter, knew what to make of the sudden return of the solitary memory.

James didn’t speak again until I reached for the door handle of the Transfiguration classroom. He actually grabbed my hand and pulled me across the hall away from the door.

“What are you doing?” he asked harshly.

“James, the Headmaster told us to return to class,” I answered, a little taken aback.

“Yes, but you were about to walk in on the last five minutes of Professor McGonagall. She was furious with us for taking off at the beginning of class. She’ll be ten times that if we interrupt the last five minutes of her teaching.”

I sighed and let my hand, which he was still holding, drop listlessly to my side. He was right, but I still hated missing class. I took a step back and leaned against the wall while I waited for class to end.

“So, er, how are you?” James asked warily.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean like, with all of this,” he waved a hand around. “With all that’s been going on, how are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” I lied with a shrug as I looked down at the floor. I really didn’t feel like talking about it with my brother, at least not at the moment. There was so much I hadn’t figured out for myself yet; so much I hadn’t told him. Unfortunately for me, he wasn’t going to let the subject drop that easily.

“Are you really? Because you seem different this year.”

“Different how?”

“You’re quiet.”

“I’ve always been quiet, James.”

“Yeah, but you’re quiet- _er_ this year. Are you sure you’re fine?”

“You know, Remus mentioned the same thing Saturday. I only appear quieter because I haven’t been around as much. But in reality, I’m really just as quiet as I’ve ever been.”

“Maybe,” he said slowly. He studied me with his piercing hazel eyes, and I had the feeling that, if he knew how, he would use legilimency to see if I was being completely truthful, which I wasn’t. I had to fight to maintain eye contact to give him the illusion that I was though.

He was the first to break. He blinked and looked away; then, in an overly casual way, he said, “So, where have you been then? What have you been up to?”

“I’ve been in the library studying.” This seemed to catch him by surprise.

“Studying? What have you been studying?”

“We’re N.E.W.T. students, James.”

“Yeah, but the exams aren’t until _next_ school year. Why are you studying so hard for them now?”

“There’s no reason why I can’t study now. Besides, I’ve been having a bit of difficulty with the non-verbal aspect. That’s what I’ve been studying mostly. It wouldn’t hurt you to start studying now too.”

“I have been.”

“You have?” Now I was surprised.

“Yeah. Last week I charmed Snape’s laces to repeatedly untie themselves and trip him. Then I charmed his books to attack him while he was down.” James smiled, pleased with himself.

I sighed. “You were doing that two years ago, James.”

“Yeah, but now I can do it non-verbally. Makes it a lot easier to get away with things when you don’t have to say the spell.”

I rolled my eyes.

“We could just bunk off completely, you know forget about Charms and everything,” James said, changing the subject a little.

“No we can’t.  We have our first exam on Wednesday. We can’t miss the day before our first exam.”

“I don’t know how Wormtail did it, but I swear _I’m_ going to get you to skip a class one of these days.”

“I wouldn’t hold your breath on that, James.” I smiled genuinely for the first time that day.

I was positive that James had opened his mouth for some smart retort, but the bell had just rung indicating the end of class. I jumped from the wall and pulled open the Transfiguration door and headed straight for Professor McGonagall’s desk. I managed to reach it before the first student could leave class.

“So nice of you to rejoin us, Miss Potter,” the professor said bitterly. James was right; now I’m glad I didn’t come in before. “I trust you had a good reason for leaving class?” she said a little skeptically.

“Sorry, Professor, but here,” I handed her a rolled up parchment. “The Headmaster says he explained everything in this note.”

“Dumbledore?” She took the parchment from my hand and unrolled it. As she read, I looked over my shoulder. The class room was now empty except for the guys who were all looking at me expectantly. I knew I would owe them an explanation, but I didn’t feel like getting into it again right now. So, I looked away quickly and turned my focus back to Professor McGonagall.

“I see,” she said at last. She rolled up the parchment and with a wave of her wand it vanished. “Should this happen again, then next time…”

“I’ll wait until after lessons before running to tell the Headmaster,” I finished her sentence.

“Indeed you will, or you will make up the lost time in detention. The same goes for you, Mr. Potter.”

“Yes, Professor,” James said.

Without another word, Professor McGonagall gathered up her things and left. Having no other choice now, I turned around and faced the guys.

“Here, I gathered up your things for you,” Remus said, handing me my back pack.

“Thanks.”

“So, are you going to tell us what that was all about?” Sirius asked.

“Hmm, no,” I replied simply before heading for the door.

“What? No? What do you mean no?”

“Kate, aren’t you going to tell us why you ran out like that?” Peter asked.

I looked at them all again when we entered the corridor. “Look, I will explain everything, just…not now please. I don’t really feel like talking about it right now.”

“Sure, tonight then,” Remus said, putting an end to Sirius’ questions… for now at least.

“Thanks.” I took a deep breath. “Until then, can James and I borrow your notes?” I spoke to Remus.

“Speak for yourself. I don’t need any notes,” James said.

“Of course you can, Kate.” Remus ignored James and handed me his notes anyways.

“Thanks. I’ll, ah, be in the common room with these then.” I smiled feebly at them before heading off.

 

In the common room, I set my stuff up at one of the tables against the outer wall. I sat so that my back was to the wall and I could see the whole of the common room; I hated not knowing what was behind me. Once comfortable I immediately began reading over Remus’ notes. Usually I found interpreting Remus’ notes a simple matter—we had similar note taking styles—but this time was different. I could still read his notes just fine; understanding them was a different matter. We had started talking about the Protean Charm at the end of the last class, and according to Remus’ notes, Professor McGonagall went into more elaborate detail about the charm this class. Also according to the notes, the charm would be on the next exam—which was next Monday.

I sighed heavily as I dropped the notes on the table and sat back in the chair. The Protean Charm was really difficult.

“Is everything alright?” I looked up into the gentle eyes of Remus. “You can read everything can’t you? I tried to write extra legible since I knew you’d need to see them.”

“Thanks. Yeah, I can read them just fine. I just don’t understand them. I mean the charm. Your notes are fine; it’s the charm I don’t understand.”

“Do you want me to try to explain it a bit?”

“Yeah sure, that’ll be great."

Remus smiled and pulled a chair around to sit next to me. “Right, well why don’t we start with what you do know? What can you tell me about the Protean Charm?”

“Well, I first came across it during my readings last month, in my attempts to tire my brain.”

Remus nodded slightly.

“First, the term protean stems from Proteus; he was a god in Greek Mythology who could easily change shape, thus protean means readily changeable or versatile.”

Remus nodded again, a smile on his lips.

“The Protean Charm links objects together for a common purpose. And when one of the objects changes the others change as well. And though its name may suggest that it is spell best suited for Charms class, due to the changing aspect it is classified as a Transfiguration subject. ”

“Right. You seem to have a pretty good understanding of the charm to me.”

“I understand the theory; that part’s simple, Remus. I don’t understand the practical part of it.”

“Alright. What about the practical part don’t you understand? Is it the changing part? Because that’s what I find trouble with, but then again, you’re much better at transfiguration than I am.”

I smiled shyly. “It’s the linking part that confuses me.”

“Hmm, well let’s look at that aspect a little closer then, shall we?” Remus moved his chair even closer as he leaned forward to look over his notes. While he was looking for a particular section, I quickly scanned the room. I found no sign of James or Sirius. A sense of giddy elation filled the pit of my stomach and I turned my full attention back to Remus just as he found what he was looking for.

 

Remus and I studied for about a half hour before James, Sirius, and Peter came down the dormitory stairs and the five of us went to lunch. After which, James, Sirius, and Peter returned to the dorms where—Remus later informed me—they continued to work on their latest prank. Remus and I, however, returned to the table where Remus explained the Protean Charm a little more. I was able to understand the charm a little better, but I was still having difficulty with the linking. Fortunately, Remus said that the test would focus mainly on the theory aspect and not the practical. The others later returned in time for the five of us to head off once again, this time to Charms. But after Charms, Remus had to be a Marauder so I was left alone until dinner; I returned to the table to work on my other homework.

It wasn’t until well after dinner, when the sun had set and the stars had come out, that Peter brought up the topic he was most curious about: my sudden absence from Transfiguration. I had put my homework away and moved from the table to a chair by the fireplace to read when Peter asked about the memory; apparently James had told them that much. Sirius, being the closest to Peter, immediately slapped the back of his head while James stared at him murderously. Remus glanced at me cautiously from over the top of his copy of the _Daily Prophet_.  I looked at all of them with wide eyes while I bit my lip.

“It’s alright, Kate. You don’t have to tell us anything. Wormtail’s just being a git,” Sirius said. I thought about it for awhile longer. Peter looked both anxious and guilty, and Remus went back to reading his paper.

“No, it’s alright. I did say I’d explain tonight,” I said at last. “Not here though. Let’s go to the dorm.” I marked the page in my book before unfolding my legs and heading to the stairs.

I walked up to the guy’s dorm without checking to see if they followed. As I waited for them, I looked out one of the windows. It was a cloudless night, a perfect night for star gazing. My heart immediately swelled with a pang of sadness at the thought. I hadn’t even taken my new telescope out of its box, let alone use it.

When at last I heard the tell-tell ruckus of the guys behind me, I turned from the window and sat on the nearest bed; it was James’. The four boys fell silent as they entered the room. Peter was in the lead and James brought up the rear. Sirius strode in and fell on his bed spread-eagle style. Both Remus and Peter sat on the ends of their beds, and James leaned against the far wall, arms crossed over his chest. Three pairs of anxious, yet calm, eyes watched me. I took a deep breath before starting.

“First, what did James already tell you?” From the corner of my eye I could see James shift uncomfortably.

It was a few seconds before any of them answered, and when they did it was Sirius that spoke. “Only that you got your memory back.”

“I’m so sorry, Kate,” James spluttered out. “It wasn’t my place…” I held up a hand and silenced him immediately.

“I’m not angry that you told them, James,” I said earnestly and James seemed to relax substantially. He even moved over and sat on the bed behind me. I turned my attention back to the other three.

“What James told you isn’t entirely true. I didn’t get all of my memory back, just one memory.”

“What was it about?” Peter asked, no longer able to retain his curiosity.

“This.” I pulled my skirt up just a bit and angled my knee so that they could see it better as I pointed to the scar. “It was about how I got this.

“It started when someone bumped into my desk and knocked off my ink well. As I was watching it fall, it was like I was transported to another time and place. It’s all very strange. One moment I was standing the classroom watching my ink well fall, and the next I’m somewhere else entirely. It’s sort of what I imagine a Pensive is like, though I’ve never used one before so I can’t say for sure.”

“A Pensive?” Remus asked in a more curious tone than a ‘what is that?’ tone.

“Yeah, it was like I was completely immersed in the memory.

“I was standing in the doorway of a kitchen. There was a woman in there, standing at the stove. Her hair was like mine, only much longer. I think she was my mum. She told me to go tell my father that super was ready.

“He was in his office, upstairs. I wasn’t allowed in there, but that’s where he was. He was in some kind of meeting, and I interrupted it.”

“A meeting?” James asked. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. There was someone else there. I could hear him, but I couldn’t see him. That’s why the man got so angry, because I interrupted them.”

“What did he do?” Peter asked.

“He told me to get out.”

“With his wand,” James added with disgust; I ignored it and went on.

“I fled the room but I tripped over my robes and fell into the banister. It broke and I fell to the first floor. Somehow, a piece of the banister lodged itself in my knee and left a scar.”

“Wait a minute, go back to what James said, the part about the man telling you to leave ‘with his wand?’ Did he hit you with some kind of tripping jinx? Or some other spell?” Sirius asked.

“No.”

“Only because he’s a lousy shot,” James retorted.

“You don’t know that, James. You didn’t see him. He didn’t look the sort that’s a lousy shot. He didn’t hit me with anything. They were just warning shots. I tripped. It was an accident. That’s all. No harm, no foul.”

“But there was harm,” Peter said curiously. “You fell off the second floor landing.”

“It was just an accident, though. If this memory shows us anything, it’s that I was a clumsy child.”

“But you’re not clumsy now at all,” James said.

I stood up in frustration. “Yes, and I’ve told you before we don’t know what kind of person I was before the fire. Maybe I was clumsy then, only when I forgot my life I forgot I was clumsy.”

“I think you’re overlooking something very important here, Kate. I know rotten parents when I see them, or hear of them. And I think this man was doing more than firing warning shots,” Sirius said striding towards me.

I shook my head adamantly. “No. I’m sorry Sirius, but you’re wrong. I knew you all would jump to this conclusion, that’s why I didn’t want to talk about it before. But it was just an accident!” I could feel my temper flaring uncontrollably, so I took a deep breath to steady myself.

“Look, this is the only memory I have of my early life. I don’t want it tainted with harsh accusations. We can’t judge my childhood on one ten second memory, and since we have nothing else to go by, please just accept this.”

The guys were all silent as they contemplated my request. I could see that both James and Sirius were bursting at the seams with retorts and counter arguments; they didn’t like my conclusion at all. Peter was looking on with a sort of morbid fascination, like he didn’t really know who to side with.  And Remus, well Remus had remained mostly silent throughout my explanation.

“She’s right.”I was surprised that it was Remus who spoke first. “We can’t judge her whole childhood on one incident; otherwise, you’d have to do the same to me. It took one mistake for me to become what I am, but to say that my whole childhood was disastrous because of it would be a lie.”

“I don’t like the feel of the memory anymore than you two do,” Remus said to James and Sirius. “But none of us can make a conclusion based on so little evidence.”

“Thank you, Remus,” I said.

“I can’t so easily say it was an accident either, Kate.” He turned to me. “Only you were there. Only you know how you felt. Only you can say. And I trust your judgment.”

I swallowed hard, and did my best to remain firm. “It was an accident.”

 

Later that night, as I was trying to fall asleep, Remus’ words played through my head. _“Only you were there. Only you know how you felt. Only you can say.”_

What I intentionally neglected to tell anybody, was just how terrified I felt in the memory.


	12. Hogsmeade: and what came of it

**Hogsmeade** :

And what came of it

**_23 October 1976_ **

 

**Compared** to the events of Monday, the rest of the school week passed rather plainly. Except for Wednesday when we had our Charms exam; I found that quite exhilarating. Oh, and Tuesday morning when Lily cornered me in the dorm to ask if I was alright, considering my odd behavior in Transfiguration. The next big thing to happen was on Saturday: the first Hogsmeade Weekend of the year. Of course I had no intentions on going myself, but then Lily cornered me—she’s very good at that, I’ve learned.

I was packing my school bag, preparing to spend the day in the library, when it happened.

“You’re taking all of those to Hogsmeade?” Lily asked when she spotted my bag.

“No, of course not,” I replied.

“Good, because…”

“I’m not going to Hogsmeade.” Both Amelia and Emma were in the process of getting ready, but Emma suddenly stopped at my confession.

“Not going to Hogsmeade?” she asked. “But why?”

“I don’t really need to. I think my time would better be served studying for the Transfiguration exam on Monday.” All the girls gave me an odd look before I realized my mistake.

“I don’t mean…I wasn’t trying to say…I just meant for me, personally. It’s best that I stay back and study. I didn’t mean to say that I thought you should too.”

“I really think you should come to Hogsmeade with us,” Emma said after a slight pause.

“For Merlin’s sake, Em, if the girl wants to study then by all means let her,” Amelia snapped indignantly.

“But all she ever does is study. I think she should go to Hogsmeade. Lily, tell her she should go to Hogsmeade with us.”

I won’t lie, I was a little perturbed by the way they were talking about me as if I wasn’t in the room or didn’t have a mind of my own. Perhaps it was just a force of habit since we’ve never really had any substantial interactions. I was drawn back to the room when Lily responded.

“I think Emma’s right, Kate. You should take a small break from studying. If you’re worried about the exam on Monday, I can help you study tomorrow.”

“This would be a great time for you to get in some Christmas shopping,” Emma added excitedly. She was a bit enamored with the Christmas season.

“But it’s only October,” I said.

“Right, which means Christmas is only two months away. And you can’t really shop for James when he’s around, so you can shop today since we know he’s not going.”

She had a decent point I suppose, but I was usually pretty good at sneaking my gifts when the guys weren’t watching.

“Come on, Kate. It’ll be fun,” Lily added.

I knew I could have tried protesting a little more, but in the end I would be no match for the combination of Lily and Emma. So, an hour later the four of us were sitting in a carriage going down to Hogsmeade together.

 

I looked up at the clock tower as it chimed the hour away. An hour. That was how long I’d been in Hogsmeade with the girls and yet it felt so much longer. I now remembered why I had never gone to Hogsmeade with them before today. At least when I went with the guys I was well entertained. James and Sirius always found a way to make Hogsmeade more interesting. Not that Lily or Emma didn’t try, though, I mean, they seemed to be enjoying themselves. And they tried to include me too, but…well we had little in common and even less to talk about.

Suddenly a voice called my name and I jumped at its close proximity. I looked to my right to find Remus standing next to me. _How did I overlook him?_

“Oh hey, Remus,” Emma greeted.

“Hello Emma, Lily, Amelia,” Remus greeted each of the girls with a smile and a nod. He seemed to smile even bigger when he looked back at me though. I suppose his startling me was greeting enough, and so I mumbled a greeting back to him as I cast my eyes to the ground.

“Figures,” Amelia said harshly. “Watch your back Lily; James must have been lying about his big Quidditch practice, and now he’s waiting around some dark corner for you.”

Amelia’s cruel words about my bother deeply offended me and I quickly shot out a response without thinking. “My brother does not lie!” The girls looked at me strangely; they’d hardly heard me speak with such assurance. “Especially when it relates to anything Quidditch,” I added in a softer tone.

“Kate’s right,” Remus said. “James is still practicing, and Sirius and Peter are with him. We were running low on a few things so I volunteered to replenish our stocks.”

“Remus! I’m ashamed of you,” Lily said astounded. “As a Prefect you shouldn’t be encouraging James and Sirius’ pranks, and you certainly shouldn’t be buying supplies for them.”

Remus smirked at her coyly, and I could see a hint of James in it. “Whatever are you talking about, Lily? I merely meant that we were running low on candies. Sirius has quite the sweet tooth, you know.” Remus held up a large Honeydukes bag as proof. Lily looked at him skeptically, and with good reason. I knew there was probably a Zonko’s bag hidden under all the sweets.

“But you know,” Remus started, turning to me suddenly. “I couldn’t find those biscuits he likes so much. I remember you telling me where they are, Kate, but I just couldn’t find them. Perhaps you could come help me look again?”

He looked at me knowingly, with a hint of mischievousness in his eyes. _“Biscuits? What biscuits? Sirius didn’t have a favorite biscuit; he’d eat anything.”_ Remus continued to stare at me, urging me with his eyes. He was trying to tell me something, but I couldn’t figure out what. Regardless though, I decided to play along.

“Oh, right…his biscuits. Umm sure, I can help you. I mean, if that’s okay with you three?” I turned to look at the girls. Amelia seemed annoyed and Emma looked confused, but Lily looked amused.

“Of course you should go with Remus, Kate. After all, we wouldn’t want Sirius to run out of his _biscuits_.”

“Oh,” Emma said startled as she looked from me to Lily. “Alright then. Well, we had fun, Kate. Perhaps we could try this again?”

“Yeah, sure. Maybe next time,” I added half-heartedly.

“Come on Em, you were going to show Amelia and me that new cloak you were looking at,” Lily said as she began to pull a still confused Emma away.

I watched the three of them walk away before turning to Remus. I was still confused too. “Biscuits? Sirius will eat anything.”

Remus laughed loudly. “I know, Kate.” He placed a hand on my far shoulder and gently turned me around as we began walking in the opposite direction as the girls. “You looked miserable with them. I thought I’d rescue you. Though, I don’t think Lily bought it. She’s too bright for her own good sometimes.”

“So then, we’re not getting biscuits for Sirius?”

“Not unless you want to stop by the Pet Shoppe.” He grinned cheekily and I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face.

“You know, he’d probably eat those biscuits too.” I pointed out.

“Probably.”

We looked at each other, both grinning mischievously. The opportunity was too great to miss; we both turned in the direction of the Pet Shoppe at the same time. I noticed as we walked, that Remus’ hand was still on my shoulder. Maybe this Hogsmeade trip wouldn’t be so bad after all.

 

Going into the Pet Shoppe turned out to be an excellent idea really. Sirius and I only ever got each other joke gifts for presents. And ever since I had learned that Sirius’ Animagus was a dog and he’d learned that mine was a leopard the gift always related to our animal in some way. Like last year for example, he got me a bag of strawberry flavored gummy mice, strawberry was my favorite flavor, and I got him a bottle of flea shampoo. While in the Pet Shoppe, I couldn’t resist the urge to buy some dog biscuits for Sirius this year.

After leaving the pet store, Remus and I meandered around Hogsmeade without any real destination in mind. We stopped by a few shops here and there and bought something every now and then, but mostly we just enjoyed our freedom and our time together. The conversation stayed light and fun. We didn’t talk about lessons. We didn’t worry about nightmares or strange attacks. We didn’t ponder the meaning of life. We laughed. And we reminisced about earlier years and earlier pranks. It was honestly the best I had felt all year. I felt great! I felt like my old self again. I was laughing and having fun. That was something I hadn’t done in…well since the nightmares started this summer. I felt like things couldn’t get any better.

 

Remus and I had eventually made our way to Rosa Lee Teabag, a quaint tea shop on the east end of High Street that was much less frilly and suffocating than Madam Puddifoot’s. We were sitting at one of the tables in the back drinking our tea and enjoying our biscuits. We were going to sit outside at first, but the sky had steadily been growing darker with an approaching storm so we didn’t want to risk it. As I’ve already mentioned, we were having a great time and we were both very relaxed. So no one was more surprised than me, when I was suddenly hit with a bout of uncharacteristic boldness and asked Remus something that had been playing on my mind for some time.

“How long had you been watching me?”

Remus choked on his tea a little before sputtering a response. “Wha—what do you mean?”

“When you ‘rescued’ me from the girls, you said I looked miserable. How did you know? How long had you been watching me?” Remus looked down at the table sheepishly.

“Awhile,” he responded at last. There must have been something in the air that day, or maybe there was some sort of truth potion in the tea we drank, because with the same bout of uncharacteristic boldness that hit me Remus suddenly confessed, “I’ve been watching you for awhile, Kate.”

Remus’ soft brown eyes flicked up to meet mine and my breath hitched in my throat. He was serious! He was genuinely serious! I could always tell when he was hiding something, and he wasn’t hiding anything now. He meant what he said.

“I’ve been watching you for a long while, Kate. So long, it feels like ages. That’s how I know.”

“Know what?”

“That something’s been bothering you this year. You’re not your usual self. I know I’ve said this before, but you haven’t smiled as much this year or laughed like you usually do. And I’ve noticed the difference. And I’ve missed it.”

“You have?”

“I have; I’ve missed it a lot.” He smiled earnestly. We locked eyes, but I couldn’t take it for very long and my eyes dropped to the table.

“You know,” he began after a pause, “you don’t have to hide anything from me. You can tell me anything. I swear, I won’t tell James if you don’t want him to know. You don’t have to go through—whatever it is you’re going through—alone. You have me, Kate. I know you put on a strong front for James and Sirius, but you don’t have to do that with me. You can’t do that with me. I’ll see through it, every time.”

As if he wanted to prove that he could see through me, Remus added, “I’m willing to wager that you haven’t even opened your new telescope since I did it for you.”

“How…?” My eyes shot back up to his.

“Because I know you,” he replied with a half laugh. “But what I don’t know is why.”

“Because it’s not mine!” I suddenly blurted out. _“Where did that come from?”_ Remus sat back in his chair at my outburst and I dropped my head in my hands as I felt the sting of tears in my eyes. Apparently Remus knew I was crying because I heard the scrap of his chair on the floor as he moved to sit next to me instead of across from me. He gently placed his hand on my back and rubbed it comfortingly. At last I lifted my head again and wiped the tears from eyes.

“It’s not _my_ telescope,” I said softly. “ _My_ telescope was ruined two weeks ago.” I turned my head to look into those soft eyes again as I continued my explanation. “It was a gift, my first gift. The Potter’s gave it to me shortly after I moved in with them. Apparently one of the nurses at St. Mungo’s noticed that I watched the stars through my window every night. So, the Potter’s figured I liked to star gaze and they bought me a telescope as a welcoming gift. I’ve used it every night since. And I know they bought me a new one and it probably has ten times better resolution than the first one but I just…”

“It doesn’t hold the same significance,” Remus finished for me.

I nodded my head. “Right now both telescopes are sitting in the bottom of my bedside cabinet and I can’t stand to look at either of them because every time I do I feel the pain of losing first one all over again.”

I couldn’t stop the tears that started falling again, but when Remus pulled me into his chest and held me I didn’t want to stop them. I’m not sure how long we sat there like that, with my head leaning into him and his arms wrapped around me while his head rested on top of mine, but Remus didn’t let go until I stopped crying and he didn’t even seem to care that I had left a large wet spot on his shirt.

His scent lingered on my senses even as I pulled away, but his arm remained on my shoulder. With his other hand he grabbed a napkin from the table and gently wiped away the lingering tears around my eyes. As he did so his thumb brushed against my cheek, soft and caressing, and I couldn’t stop myself form trembling at the delightful sensation. He noticed and looked into my eyes once more. I was captivated by the gentleness I saw there. When he began to lower his head towards mine I held my breath and sat perfectly still; he continued to close the distance between our lips.

I thought to myself, _“I can’t believe this is happening again!”_ Of course, as soon as I thought that something just had to happen to interrupt us. A clap of thunder so loud it shook the tea shop suddenly rang through air causing both Remus and I to jump in our seats. We glanced out the window. It looked as if night had fallen early it was so dark. It wasn’t raining yet, but we’d be lucky to get back to Hogwarts before it did.

“We should leave.” I didn’t even realize that I had spoken aloud until Remus responded.

“Yes, we should.”

“Before it rains.” I looked back into his eyes, but I couldn’t read his emotions.

His hand lingered on my face for a moment more before he removed it and grabbed his Honeydukes bag. I followed suite and we left; our biscuits and tea sat forgotten and cold on the table behind us. We walked silently up High Street while claps of thunder surrounded us. Somehow the sky continued to darken, a seemingly fitting mood. I noticed as we walked that there weren’t many students about, most had already returned to the castle.

All at once the bottom of the clouds fell away and the rain plummeted in heavy drops to the ground; we were still several meters from the small cover at the train station. Remus grabbed my hand as we began to run. The rain pelted us, soaking through our outer layer of clothes. Our feet splashed through the quickly forming puddles as we ran. If either of us had been thinking clearly we would have used the impervious charm on ourselves to keep from getting so wet.

As we ran through the rain, somehow we found ourselves laughing uncontrollably and for no apparent reason. Remus helped me onto the platform to stand under the small bit of shelter before climbing up himself. The shelter was hardly big enough for one person, let alone two. Remus wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled my body up against his as we tried to squeeze into the tiny space. I could feel his chest vibrating with his laughter. I looked up into his eyes to find them shining with delight as he looked down at mine. His hair clung to his face and beads of water formed on the tips before slowly trailing along his cheeks. I dropped my head as I felt my cheeks begin to flush. I looked at the spot on his chest where my tears had once been the thing soaking his shirt, but as his whole shirt was now soaked I couldn’t tell exactly where my tears had fallen.

“At least now your shirt is uniform again.” I laughed as I placed a hand on his chest lightly.

When Remus didn’t respond, I looked back up. A smile was on his lips, but determination was set in his eyes. With his left hand he gently tilted my head up and before anything else could interrupt, he brought his lips down to mine. While Remus and I had been walking around Hogsmeade laughing, I thought things couldn’t get any better. I was wrong.

Now I knew, without a doubt, that things couldn’t get any better. As his lips pressed against mine I knew what true happiness was. Nothing could beat this moment, this minute when his lips met mine. My body was flooded with a raging fire and I melted into him. Hardly knowing what I was doing, I slid my arms around his neck as he tried to pull me even closer. A booming clap of thunder couldn’t separate us this time; only the need for air could do that.

We pulled apart gently, reluctantly. He leaned his forehead against mine and our lips hovered over each other. Neither of us spoke. There was nothing to say. We just enjoyed the moment, committing it to memory. My arms stayed around his neck and his were around my waist. As we heard the rolling of wheels in mud, we looked to the road and saw one of the Thestral drawn carriages waiting for riders. Hagrid must have sent them because of the rain.

“Come on,” Remus said with a sigh. “We should get you back to your brother, before he comes looking for you.”

James!


	13. Doubt

**Chapter 12**

**Doubt**

**Remus** climbed into the carriage after first helping me in. For a moment I thought we were going to have the ride to ourselves, and I rather liked that prospect. But then a group of other students climbed in. I think they were third years by the way chatted away with wide eyes of wonder.

As such, Remus and I didn’t talk on the way back. We held hands though. . . Well… sort of at least. I had my hand sitting on the bench with fingers splayed and Remus placed his hand over mine, his fingers fell in the gaps mine left. I looked up and smiled. Although Remus didn’t look back at me, I could tell he had a big smile too.

As soon as the carriage stopped the third years jumped out, still chirping endlessly. Remus and I probably could have been snogging the entire ride and they still wouldn’t have noticed us. We walked through the castle with squelching shoes that made me cringe with each step. There were students here and there, but just like the third years, they took little to no notice of us. I cannot, however, say the same of our arrival in the common room.

“Hey! Look what the cat dragged in,” James announced our entrance.

“Oi! Didn’t you two know it’s raining outside?” Sirius barked with a laugh at our wet state.

“What?” I exclaimed. “It’s raining? Remus, did you know it’s raining?”

Remus chuckled. “Rain? So that's what it's called.”

Sirius shook his head. “And people think _they’re_ the brilliant ones.” James and Peter laughed.

Since first getting caught in the rain, I hadn’t once tried to dry off or wring out my hair. So as I stood just inside the portrait hole, I felt water running down the side of my I face. As I went to wipe it away, a wicked idea came to me. I caught James’ eye; he knew what I was thinking, and he grinned and surreptitiously moved away from Sirius.

Sirius continued to laugh and poke fun at us. He didn’t see me walk behind the couch. He didn’t see me pull my hair over my shoulder. And he didn’t see me run my hand dawn my hair. But he sure felt it as the water left my hair for his face. His laughter stopped abruptly, as he pinched his eyes closed. Meanwhile, everyone else in the common room started laughing.

“Oi! Potter, you’re going to wish you hadn’t done that!” he threatened.

“Really? Because I’m pretty sure I’m enjoying it.”

“That will soon change.”

I gave a little yelp as Sirius suddenly leapt from the couch. We faked left and then right. When I read the look in his eyes though, I knew he intended to jump over the couch. So I turned and made a run for the girl’s dormitory. About five steps up I stopped and turned around to face him. Sirius was standing at the foot of the stairs.

I smiled triumphantly. “Out of reach now, Black. Better luck next time.”

Sirius remained unmoving at the bottom of the staircase, a half smirk playing on his face. Again, his eyes gave away his intentions.

“You wouldn’t,” I dared. Surely he wouldn’t… Oh! Who am I kidding? It’s Sirius Black, of course he would.

I turned and quickly began sprinting up the stairs to the sixth year down. I was almost on safe ground when suddenly there was a loud wailing and the stairs beneath me became a slide. I tried to use my momentum to carry me forward, but the landing was too far.

The air rushed past me as I was brought back to the common room. Sirius was waiting for me at the bottom. I rolled into him, knocking his feet out from under him, but he was prepared for me. With very little effort he had me flat on my back while he sat on top of me. He directed his wand at me and suddenly it was like a hundred fingers began tickling me all over. From the sides of my stomach, to under my arms, even the bottom of my feet were being tickled. I squirmed and tried to dislodge him, but it was no good. 

“Sirius... Please… stop… Please… I…. I can’t breathe… Sirius!” I begged between my fits of laughter, but Sirius didn’t let up. And no one came to my aid.

“Do you yield? Do you admit defeat? Do you admit that I am the best?”

As much as I wanted the tickling to stop, I did not want to inflate his ego any more by uttering those words. While doing my best not to cave in, my hand fumbled around for my wand which had somehow come loose during my slide. At last I found it; my fingers curled around its base. Since I couldn’t speak, and I could barely breathe, I focused all my energy on one spell. I envisioned myself casting the sell, and I envisioned Sirius falling victim as my spell took hold. With every ounce of will power I had, I focused on the one spell that would set me free.

All at once, the tickling stopped and Sirius stopped his taunting. I looked up to see his mouth had sealed shut. His arms went rigid at his side and he toppled sideways as his legs pinned themselves together. With the exception of his eyes, which could move freely, Sirius lay immobile beside me.

I sat up and composed myself, brushing away my damp hair that was beginning to frizz.

“Now, what’s that you were saying, Sirius?” I asked, but in response all I received was a muffled ‘Mmm…’

“I’m sorry? I didn’t catch that. I’m afraid you’re going to have to speak up.”

 Just then the other sixth year girls came down the stairs.

“What’s going on here?” Amelia asked.

“Was that you who tried to come up the girl’s staircase, Sirius?” Emma asked.

“Sorry, ladies, but Sirius can’t talk right now,” James said as he leaned over the back of the couch.

“Yeah,” popped in Peter. “The cat’s got his tongue.”

 James laughed loudly. “Nice one, Pete.”

“Pertrifcus totalus?” Lily asked; I nodded. “Nicely done, Kate.”

“Thanks, you know, I much prefer him this way. Really, Sirius,” I leaned in to him a bit. “You should consider making the change a permanent one.”

 I tapped his chest and laughed before rising to me my feet. James jumped over the couch to take up my spot.

“She really got you good, Mate,” he said. “I tried to warm you not to cross a Potter.”

He did it slowly, but I could see James’ hand inch towards his wand. I had the tip of mine at his chin in the blink of an eye.

“Not so fast, James Potter. You are to leave Mr. Black where he is. And I charge Peter and Remus with seeing that it’s done.”

Peter jumped up and directed his wand at James’ back. “No hard feelings, Prongs.”

James raised his hands in surrender. “Sorry, Sirius, but it looks like you’re on your own, Mate.” He turned towards me.

“Well played, Kate,” he said with a nod of his head, hands still raised.

“Thanks; I had good teachers.”

“And we couldn’t be more proud.” He faked holding back tears. I rolled my eyes and lowered my wand.

“Now, if it’s all the same to you, I’m going to go wash up. And then, perhaps some supper.”

I turned to head back up the stairs and in doing so I caught sight of Remus. He was looking on from the boy’s staircase. He looked at me and smiled. Suddenly the rush of our kiss flooded my senses once more and I had to hurry away before I gave us away.

As I retreated I could hear James ask, “Why, Peter? Why?” I didn’t catch Peter’s response.

 

 

I was riding high for the rest of the day and all day Sunday, despite the fact that Remus and I never had another moment alone. I woke up on Monday feeling slightly less joyful until I realized the next day was Tuesday, and on Tuesdays Remus and I had Ancient Ruins together.

When Tuesday came, Remus and I took up our usual seats next to each other. I kept waiting for Remus to brush his hand against mine or even just to smile at me like he did in Hogsmeade. But he never did either. We barely even talked unless it concerned something the Professor said. By the end of the day I felt almost as bad as I had at the start of term.

I began to doubt everything that had happened in Hogsmeade. Remus didn’t think about me as often as he claimed. His smiles didn’t come from a place of attraction; they were pity smiles. His kisses…his kisses were just cruel.

By Wednesday I began to doubt him even more. Did he ever really think of me as a friend, or was I simply James’ adopted sister? That thought stung more than his pity smiles and cruel kisses, and I refused to believe it. Even if Remus did regret Hogsmeade, we were friends.

Thursday I was a mix of emotions dominated by a lethargic depression. I didn’t feel like doing much of anything. I told myself I was good with Remus and me being only friends, but it hurt…a lot. The double session of Ancient Ruins we had went much the same as Tuesday’s class, in that Remus and I didn’t talk. That is, until the last thirty minutes when Remus suddenly passed me a note.

 

**Are you all right?**

 

Not feeling in the mood to talk, I shrugged my shoulder.

 

**What’s wrong?**

 

Remus wrote over his first note. The paper was charmed to only display the current message. I still didn’t feel like taking much, but I felt bad for ignoring Remus when he was trying to reach out. We were friends after all.

 

_Nothing_

I replied.

 

**And by ‘nothing’ you mean ‘something?’ Did James make you mad again?**

****

_No_

****

**Sirius then?**

****

_No_

****

**Peter?**

****

_No_

****

**Are you mad at me?**

I didn’t respond.

 

**You are mad at me. I’m sorry. I**

**…I know this week was been weird for us, but I**

**…I think maybe we should talk.**

****

_Really._

 

**Yes.**

****

_We’re in class._

****

My words were meant to end our exchange, and they did just that. Remus didn’t pass a note for some time. Though my better judgement was telling me I shouldn’t, I chanced a look at him. His head was bowed low, and he looked so downcast, dejected, and diminished it hurt. And even though it stung knowing he regretted Hogsmeade, it hurt more knowing that _I_ had hurt him. Admittedly, that had been my intentions, but I couldn’t stick with it.

I quickly jotted down a note.

           

_I only meant how. James has spies everywhere._

I watched Remus from the corner of my eyes as he read. The ends of his mouth curved upwards and he wrote out a reply.

 

**Saturday? By the lake?**

****

_It’s the first Quidditch match._

****

**Who are we playing?**

****

_Ravenclaw I believe **.**_

****

**Or is it Hufflepuff?**

****

_Maybe. It’s not Slytherin **.**_

****

**Agreed. Can you get away?**

****

_I can try **.**_

****

For the remainder of Thursday and all day Friday I was conflicted and confused. Remus didn’t make any more attempts to talk to me. To be perfectly fair though, I didn’t make any attempts to talk to him either. That’s not to say that we both completely ignored the other, though; that would have aroused suspicion.

Saturday I was a mess. I had decided to meet with Remus during the match, which meant faking an illness halfway though. If I faked the illness too soon, James might ask Sirius or Peter to stay too, or insist on taking me to see Madam Pomfrey beforehand. The anxiety of having to lie was actually making me queasy, so I had to act well enough to still attend the first half of the match. It was really quite tricky.

 

**_30 October 1976_ **

 

The match (against Ravenclaw) began with all the excitement and thrill of the first match of the season. The enthusiasm of the crowd was infectious and I had to constantly remind myself not to clap or cheer too hard. Ravenclaw scored first followed almost immediately by us.  The match went back and forth like that for a moment…they scored, we scored, we scored, they scored. Then a bludger took out one of the Ravenclaw chasers and that seemed to put an end to their scoring.

Knowing that my time was now running out and that I had to act if I was going to get my chance, I leaned in towards Sirius and in my best ‘sick’ voice I said:

“I think I’m going to head back.”

“What? But it’s just getting good,” Sirius said.

“I know, but I don’t feel well.”

“You did look a little ill this morning. What is it?” Peter asked before cheering loudly as we scored again.

“A…headache,” I replied.

“Ooo,” Sirius grimaced; though, I’m not sure if it was because of my headache or because one of our chasers just got whacked with a bludger. “And you’re certain you can’t last through the rest of the match?”

I shook my head no.

“Oh…alright then.” Sirius made to stand up but Remus stopped him.

“I’ll go back with her,” he said.

“Yeah? You don’t mind?”

“Not as much as you do,” Remus replied as we stood to leave.

“I’ll go too,” Peter said jumping up. My heart leapt to my throat, but Remus remained calm.

“We don’t want James to lose his whole cheering section,” Remus laughed.

“Yeah,” I agreed as best I could. “Besides, I’ll likely crawl into my own bed the moment I get back. Really boring stuff.”

“Oh…ok…” Peter sat back down looking a little disappointed. I felt bad, but I knew this had to be done.

Remus and I took care to walk neither too slow nor too fast as we left the spectator seats. Instead of heading towards the dorms though, we wordlessly made our way to the Black Lake. We sat in the shade of a beech tree. Neither of us knew how or where to begin. We basically had the grounds to ourselves as the whole school usually showed up for the first match. In in the distance we could hear the faint roar of the crowd.

Remus was the one to break the silence, but it wasn’t about Hogsmeade.

“Have you had any more memories return?”

This was definitely not something I wanted to talk about, but at least he was talking to me.

“No,” I said with a shake of my head. “Not since the first one.”

Remus nodded. “You probably would have told us if you had.”

“I don’t think I could not tell someone.” There was a moment of silence and I knew I’d have to break it this time. Not knowing how to bring up what I really wanted to discuss, I continued with the same subject.

“I haven’t had any more nightmares, though, either.”

“Good, good. That’s really good.”

“Actually, I… I think I have you to thank for that. After our detention I took your advice.”

“You asked the girl what she wanted?”

I nodded.

“And what happened?”

“It was really weird. Everything just stopped. The fire, the crying, it all stopped and disappeared. The girl was still there, though. She acted like she knew me, but she was disappointed that I didn’t know her. Then she…”

“She what? What did she do, Kate?”

“She told me to remember, and the next day…”

“You had a memory return,” Remus finished for me.

“Yeah. Weird, right?”

 “It’s certainly curious.”

“It’s a little more than curious, Remus. James’ obsession with Lily is ‘curious.’ This was weird.”

“Alright, it was weird,” he said with a light chuckle. “What of it?”

“Nothing; I just wanted you to agree that I was right,” I said cheerfully making Remus laugh even more.

Watching Remus laugh was like watching the sun rise. A kind of warmth spread through my body, from the curves of my cheeks to the tips of my toes. It was slow but wholly consuming. And when he looked at me, it was the sun’s rays penetrating my soul. At last I saw the look I’d been longing to see: The Hogsmeade Look. And I knew it had been silly to ever doubt what had happened between us.

We leaned towards each other together and kissed. I could feel my joy spreading, but before it too could consume me, Remus pulled back and stood up. His abrupt departure left me dazed; his sweet kiss suddenly stung. But when I heard him mutter ‘James,’ my hurt turned to fury.

“James?” I leapt to my feet. “The bloody hell with James!”

Remus’ eyes looked a little like a Muggle cartoon when he turned to look at me. I hardly ever used such language, especially in regards to James. But I was tired of James controlling everything, even when he wasn’t aware of it.

“Look, I know he’s your friend and you’d never want to disappoint him or go against the ‘Friend Code.’” I continued a little softer. “He’s the closest thing I have to family, so I understand. Believe me, I do. But aren’t we capable of making certain decisions for ourselves? We are among the brightest in our class. I’d like to think we could decide if this was worth something. We may even decide we don’t’ like snogging each other and that we’re better as friends. I, for one, would at least like the opportunity to find out.”

When I paused to catch my breath, having no idea where I got the courage to say all of that, I saw Remus was smiling broadly and I wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“You’re brilliant, Kate. You truly are, but I see one fault in your logic.”

Oh Merlin! I’d really done it now. I made a complete and utter fool of myself. I’d misread everything. Euphemia was wrong. Remus didn’t think of me like that. But before I could run and hide, Remus stepped forward and took both of my hands in his.

“I rather think I’d like snogging you.”

 I was stunned beyond speech. “I…I think I’d like…it too,” I fumbled. “I mean I’d like you snogging me… I mean…”

Remus laughed.

“Oh, you know what I mean.”

“I think I do. I know you don’t want to hear it, but what do we tell James?”

 “We don’t,” I said quickly. “I mean…Well…Quidditch just started and he still has to make Lily fall in love with him this year. The boy has a lot on his mind right now. So we… wait…until we know.”

“And if… if it doesn’t work between us, we go back to being friends?”

 “We have to because I can’t imagine not having you in my life.”

 “That may be hard to do.”

“I’m sure it would be, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t still try. I don’t want to spend my life wondering ‘what if.’ Do you?”      

“No, I don’t. But I do… I do want to kiss you right now.”

He did just that. And I kid you not. The moment our lips met, it was like the world had erupted in cheer for us. It was later that night when I realized the cheering had been because James had caught the snitch and Gryffindor won.


	14. A Surprise Summons

**Chapter 13**

**A Surprise Summons**

**_1 November 1976_ **

 

**“** **Miss** Potter.”

It was Monday morning. I was on my way to breakfast with the guys and who should call my name but Professor McGonagall herself. James and Sirius immediately began heckling me.

“What did you do this time, Kate?”

“Me?” I rounded on James. “What did you do?”

“Kate, please, when is the last time I didn’t take credit for something?”

“About once a week since first year,” Peter said.

“True,” James agreed. “But I swear to you, this time, it wasn’t me.”

I turned to Sirius.

“Hey! Don’t look at me like that. What sort of person do you take me for? Hush, Peter.”

“Kate, I wouldn’t make McGonagall wait much longer if I were you,” Remus said.

“Moony’s right. She looks especially cross this morning,” Peter said.

“With hast please, Miss Potter!”

Indeed she did look especially cross, which made me wonder all the more what she could want with me. I hurried over to where she stood.

"Yes, Professor?”

“Come with me,” she said before briskly walking away.

I looked over my shoulder at the guys again. They all seemed to have genuine looks of concern. Except for Remus, who did his best to smile encouragingly at me.

I trailed behind Professor McGonagall as we passed through the corridor; everyone moved out of our way. The worst part about not knowing why I was being called was all the looks and shameful sneers I received from my peers. They naturally presumed that I had done something terribly wrong to be summoned before breakfast. But I knew I hadn’t done anything. I couldn’t have…

The only thing I could think of was that it had something to do with the transfiguration assignment we’d turned in on Friday. To my knowledge though, no student had ever been summoned before breakfast to discuss a poor assignment.

The setup of Professor McGonagall’s office was the same as it had been the night of the attack. And like that night, she motioned for me to sit in a plush chair while she took up residence behind her desk.

“Would you care for some breakfast, Miss Potter? Perhaps some toast and jam?” she asked.

“Um, yes please,” I replied.

“Anything to drink?”

“Pumpkin juice?”

Professor McGonagall relayed the order to what appeared to just be an old book. Seconds later, however, a silver platter appeared on her desk with toast, various jams, and a pitcher of pumpkin juice. Professor McGonagall indicated that I should help myself. I was still unsure what was going on, but I was hungry. I grabbed a slice of toast and spread my favorite jam over it while Professor McGonagall poured me a glass of juice.

“Blackberry? That’s always been a favorite of mine too,” she said.

“James and Fleamont think it’s too bitter, but Euphemia likes it.”

As I took a bite of my toast, Professor McGonagall fell quiet. It was clear something was weighing on her mind. I was no longer so certain that this meeting had anything to do with an assignment. I was proven right when she finally did speak.              

“I’m not sure there is any delicate what to say this, Miss Potter, so I’ll just say it. There was another attack last night during the Halloween Feast.”

I paused mid bite and returned my toast to my plate. Breathing deep I repeated her words.

“There was another attack?”

“Yes. A fourth year, a Miss Ruth Sieber.”

“Sieber? I’m not sure I know her, but the name sounds familiar for some reason.”

“I’m not sure you would know her; she’s a Hufflepuff. Perhaps you are more familiar with an Ella Jones?”

“Ella? That’s Emma’s little sister. Was she attacked too?”

“Fortunately no, but Miss Jones is friends with Miss Sieber; she stumbled upon the attack while it was in progress. She helped break it up.”

“Oh. I see.”

“Miss Sieber’s account shares some similarities with your own,” she continued. “Most prominently that there appeared to be multiple assailants who caught her while she was alone on the grounds. They used silenceo on her as well to keep her from calling for help. She is in the hospital wing now recovering. She was fortunate to have Miss Jones come looking for her or her injuries could have been more severe.”

“Did they…were they…” I couldn’t finish my question but she seemed to gather what I was trying to ask.

“No. It appears that they did not. Though they tore some of her clothes and shredded her robes, she said they made no attempt to go further.”

I didn’t realize I was crying until Professor McGonagall handed me a tissue. I knew I should be feeling something for Miss Sieber’s attack, but I was only re-living the pain and fear of my own attack.

“Since there has now been more than one attack, there will be a meeting with all girls fourth year and older in the Great Hall immediately following dinner. We won’t share specific details, just enough to make everyone aware of the situation.”

I nodded my head. It made since to tell everyone now, and I was glad that my name wouldn’t be mentioned. I was still uncertain as to why I had been summoned and told in private of the attack. Perhaps it was just to warn me of the meeting, but when I said as much, Professor McGonagall refuted that possibility.

“It is of the belief of Professor Dumbledore and myself that both you and Miss Sieber would benefit from meeting together, alone, to talk of your shared experience.”

 Wait… What?

“You want me to meet with Ruth Sieber to… talk about our attacks?”

Professor McGonagall didn’t seem to appreciate my questioning tone, but she refrained from rebuking me.

“It is widely known,” she began, “that talking about a tragic event with someone who can relate aids in the healing process. We ask that you will help Miss Sieber in her healing. You have had your own tragedies in life to strengthen you. She has had none. And you may find that by helping her, you have helped yourself. You do not need to give me an answer now, but please consider it.”

“Is that all, Professor?”

Professor McGonagall sighed and nodded her head. I excused myself without finishing breakfast.

 

I left Professor McGonagall’s office in a daze. I couldn’t believe she and the Headmaster wanted me to talk to Ruth Sieber about what happened. I wasn’t even sure what we were supposed to talk about. Were we to compare their methods of attack or share the way they smelled? It was ridiculous! Furthermore, how was talking about it supposed to help? Talking about it meant thinking about it, and I’d spent the better part of the last month trying _not_ to think about it.

As I made my way through the corridors, I was in a deep distraction. I took no notice of my surroundings. It’s not surprising that I ran into someone.

“Watch where you’re going, Gryffindor.”

“Oh, sorry…” Without looking at who I bumped, I bent down to help pick up the books that had fallen. But they were quickly ripped from my fingers.

“Don’t touch my things!”

“I was only trying to help…Oh. It’s you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. It means nothing, Snape.” Of all the people to run into, it had to be the one person who hated James the most: Severus Snape.

I sighed. “I didn’t do anything to them.”

“Did Potter put you up to this?”

“Paranoia doesn’t suit you, Snape. Or maybe it does. I don’t really know and I don’t really care. Now, I said I was sorry for bumping into you, so if you don’t mind…”

“Is this brave little Gryffindor giving you trouble, Severus?” A dark and cold voice asked, sending a chill down my spine. It wasn’t so much what he had said; it was how he said it that made my skin crawl.

From behind my back stepped another Slytherin and one of Snape’s friends, Avery. I knew that if Avery was here, then the rest of his gang wasn’t too far behind. Sure enough, Mulciber and Rosier stepped around me to flank Avery and Snape.

“Well if she is, we know how to deal with her kind,” Rosier said.

Mulciber didn’t say anything, but the way he looked at me was unnerving. I knew what he did to Mary MacDonald last year. I tried to hold my ground and not show fear, but with Professor McGonagall’s news and the fear of my attack so fresh on my mind, I was finding it hard to breathe.

“Get away from her!” James suddenly called out.

Moments later, he and Sirius stepped in front of me; Peter and Remus were on either side of them. All four had their wands drawn. They exchanged words; I was too focused on trying to breathe to catch everything they said. However, I knew a fight would break out soon if someone didn’t stop them.

“James, don’t.” I placed my hand over his wand. He looked sideways at me briefly. “They’re not worth getting a detention for. Besides, it was my fault anyways. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going. I said I was sorry…”

“‘Sorry’ is just a word,” Snape spat.

“One that apparently isn’t in your limited dictionary,” I fired back. “Come on, James. Let’s go.” With my hand still on his I forced his wand down and pulled him away. The others slowly followed suit. I pulled James down the corridor and around several turns before stopping.

“Why did you do that, Kate?” James asked, finally pulling his hand from mine.

“Because Filch was coming,” I lied. “And because I had something more important to tell you.”

“Is this about why McGonagall called you away?” Peter asked. I nodded.

“Well, don’t keep us waiting,” Sirius said.

“I need my books first.” I suddenly wanted to put off telling them about my meeting.

“Oh, here,” Remus said, handing over my books. “I asked Lily to grab them for me. I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, no…Thanks.” I tapped my fingers on my books.

“Well…”

“There was another attack last night.” I blurted out. Professor McGonagall was right; there was no delicate way to say it. There was a silent pause as they took in the information.

“Any—anyone we know?” Remus asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t think so. It was a fourth year Hufflepuff: Ruth Sieber. They, Professor McGonagall and the Headmaster that is, they think it was the same people that attacked me. There were certain similarities. We were both alone, both silenced…among other things.”

I paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “Her attack was broken up though, by Ella Jones.”

“Ella? As in Emma’s little sister Ella?” James asked.

I nodded. “There’s going to be a meeting after dinner with all the fourth year and older girls. That’s…that’s not all though. Professor McGonagall and the Headmaster want…they want me to talk to Ruth.”

There was another silent pause before Sirius spoke. “Wow. So, when are you going to do it?”

“You can’t be…you’re joking. You’re as mad as the professors if you think I’d actually talk to her,” I said.

“But I thought…”

“You thought? You didn’t think anything, Sirius. You have no idea what it was like or what I’ve had to live through each night since. I can’t bear to think about it. How the hell am I supposed to talk about it?”

It was deathly silent. I’d had my disagreements with the guys in the past, but I’ve never raised my voice with them like that before. James began running his hand back and forth through his hair. Sirius looked as though he was biting his tongue not to say something. Peter’s eyes were flickering between all of us at such a speed that I thought they’d fall out. I made it a point not to look at Remus.

“Honestly, Kate, I don’t think you have a choice,” Remus tempted bravely.

I slowly brought my eyes over to him. His words sounded like a lack of support, and they hurt. But when I looked at him I could tell how much it hurt him to say it.

“You’re right, Kate. We don’t know, we couldn’t possibly know what it was like for you. Just as her friends can’t possibly know what it was like for her. You are the only one who can remotely relate to what she’s been through. After my attack, I would have given anything to have been able to talk to someone who knew what it was like, someone who could tell me what to expect. But I had to suffer it alone. You don’t have to do that, Kate, and you shouldn’t make Ruth do it either.”

There was an immense silence following Remus’ remarks. None of us dared move or speak a word. The silence spread the length of the hall as the whole castle seemed to wait with bated breath. My eyes never left Remus’, or his mine.

“Will you five be joining us for class? Or shall I inform Mr. Filch to expect you in Saturday’s detention?” Professor McGonagall’s words cut through the air like a slicing charm.

I tore my eyes away from Remus with great effort and pushed my way past the guys without a word.

 

I didn’t say a word in class; I just did the assignment given to us. When class was over I fled to the dorms and stayed there until charms class that afternoon, skipping lunch and my free periods in between. Just like a cat, I sometimes preferred my solitude. The guys knew enough to know not to bother me when I did.

I was lost and confused as to what I should do. Leaving Professor McGonagall’s office that morning things couldn’t have been clearer, but now…

I was scared. I’d never been a fan of Snape’s friends, but they’d never unhinged me like that before. The way Mulciber had stared at me, or the way Rosier said “her kind” it was terrifying. I tried shoving the whole encounter into the far recesses of my mind, but it lingered in the forefront.

Lastly, and mostly, I was ashamed. We’d been friends since first year, and Remus never spoke of his attack. To hear him do so today, and in the way he had, left me feeling guilt ridden. I wondered, could I have the same courage?

I didn’t get out of charms as quickly as I had transfiguration, probably because all I’d had to eat were a few bites of toast that morning. As such, I was actually among the last to leave. James was still trying to give me the space I needed, and he had Quidditch to get to. So the guys left before I did.

I kept to the inner edge of the corridor, ready to jump into my desired secret passage. Before I could duck inside it however, someone pulled me in. I would have cried out, but there were only a few people who knew I preferred this passage to others. The entrance was small so once inside I was met with a very familiar scent. I lit the tip of my wand with a silent lumos, I was getting quite good at silent spell casting, and looked up into the eyes of Remus.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi.”

“Thanks for not screaming.” He attempted a smile.

“Yes, well, there are better ways of going about getting me alone.”

“Right, but honestly, I didn’t think you’d come if I asked.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not…” I began, but I didn’t want to lie so I said, “I don’t know what I am, Remus.”

“Well, are you hungry?”

On cue my stomach gurgled. “You had to say something.”

Remus smiled. “I knew you skipped lunch and I imagine you didn’t each much this morning. Come on.”

Remus took my hand in his and led me further down the passage. His fingers entwining with mine began to fight through my gloom and bring a small smile to my lips. We didn’t take the usual turn towards the dorms, but continued on straight. After going down a small flight of stairs we came up behind a large tapestry. Remus poked his head out before we shot across the hall to an empty room.

“Funny, this doesn’t look like the Great Hall,” I said. Remus only grinned.

“Oh, Binky,” he called. A moment later there was a ‘pop’ and one of the kitchen house-elves appeared before us.

“Oh, Master Lupin, how can Binky serve you today?”

Binky had a distinct fondness for Remus since third year for some reason. She doted on him whenever he visited the kitchens. And now, apparently she was making house calls.

“Actually, Binky, I was hoping you might help my friend, Miss Potter, by bringing her something to eat.”

“Binky will serve any friend of Master Lupin’s.” The house-elf turned her attention and her big wide eyes to me as she waited for my request.

“Umm, steak and kidney pie? Please. With pumpkin juice to drink. And…” I paused not wanting to ask for too much.

“Go on, don’t be shy now,” Remus encouraged; my stomach agreed with him.

“And some roasted potatoes. Oh! And a helping of glazed carrots. Those are really quite good.”

“And for Master Lupin?” Binky asked.

“None for me thanks.”

“Hang on a minute. I’m not eating alone.”

Remus’ smile widened at my declaration. “Very well then. I’ll have the same, and bring two slices of chocolate cake too, please.” Oh how I loved chocolate cake.

The house-elf nodded and disappeared with another ‘pop.’ Left alone, Remus turned his attention back to me.

“Well, now, if we’re going to do this then we ‘ought to do it properly,” he said.

Remus looked around the room for a moment before pushing together two desks. He conjured up a make shift table cloth using one of the old window drapes and cleaned it. Satisfied with his work he held out his hand to me.

“Miss Potter, will you join me for dinner?”


	15. Tea, Cakes, and Charming Foolery

**Chapter 14**

**Tea, Cakes, and Charming Foolery**

**_3 November 1976_ **

              

“Oi! Where do you think you’re going?”

I had just come down from the girl’s dorm and was about to head through the portrait hole with books in hand when Sirius called out to me, startling me and causing me to jump. I looked to where he was lounging on one of the couches forcing the first years to huddle together in a cramped space.

“I was heading to the library,” I said with a sigh.

“The library? That’s no fun!”

“I’m not going there for fun…”

“Obviously. Peter, bring her over here!” Peter jumped up at his command and gently led me over to where they were.

“Sirius, I really don’t have time for this.” I tried arguing, but he wasn’t having it today.

“It’s my birthday, Kate, and as such you’re only allowed to do fun things.”

“You may have skived off classes all day, Sirius…”

“Because it’s my birthday.”

“…but that doesn’t mean I have. Besides…” I pushed Sirius’ feet off the couch and sat down.

“Oi!”

“I’m not just going to the library; I’m going there to meet Ruth.”

“Oh…” Our little corner fell silent. Sirius sat up. “So you’re…you’re going to do it then?”

“Yeah…”

I looked up and met Remus’ gaze. I hadn’t had a chance to tell him I was going to go through with it yet, but he looked very pleased that I was. I’d really only made the decision that morning when Professor McGonagall approached me about it because Ruth had been released by Madam Pomfrey. It was Wednesday, so I’d had two days to think about it. I came to the conclusion that Remus was right: I shouldn’t make Ruth go through this alone.

“Only, I still have no idea _how_ I’m going to talk to her,” I continued.

“I rather imagine you just open your mouth and make sounds until words come out,” Sirius said. “Try it with me… Ah—ee—ooh—umph…”

He grunted when I swung my arm over and knocked him in the stomach. Peter laughed and Remus smiled. James was stone-faced until he caught me looking at him. Then he too smiled, albeit faintly. Thinking back, he didn’t really react much on Monday either when I first told them.

“Maybe you don’t talk then,” Remus said, drawing me back into our current conversation.

“What? But you said…”

He held up his hands. “Hang on, let me finish. Maybe you don’t talk, maybe you just listen. Or maybe you just offer your presence, and when you are both ready… then you talk. Don’t try to force it, Kate; just let it take its course.”

“Wow,” said Sirius. “I think I’m going to take every smart thing you’ve said and publish it in a book.”

“Right, just make an appearance,” I said, ignoring Sirius. I took a deep breath. “I grace you guys with my presence every day; I can do this.”

Remus smiled, locking his eyes with mine.

“ _Moony’s Wise Words of Wisdom_ ,” Sirius went on. “I’ll make a fortune.”

Remus chuckled, but still kept his eyes on me.

“I’d buy it,” Peter said.

“Sounds like complete shite to me,” James added.

“I’ll have you know, I put a lot of thought into that, Prongs,” Sirius said.

“And that’s what worries us, Padfoot,” I said. “This is why you shouldn’t skive off classes.”

“Hey, Kate,” Lily said as she and the other girls came over. They all had their school books in hand too. “Sorry, but did I hear you say you were going to the library?”

“Umm, yes. I was just on my way there,” I said standing up.

“Well you can walk with us then.”

I was going to argue against it but then I recalled the meeting that occurred on Monday. One of the things to come from it was the Professor’s strong encouragement that no girl should walk alone.

“Okay, sure.”

“Sirius, I think I see a trip to the library in our future tonight,” James said.

“Look again, Mate. The library is no fun and tonight we only do fun things,” Sirius said as he stretched back out on the couch.

“Fine. Put in a good word for me, Kate.” It appeared James was back to his usual self.

“I don’t think that’s possible, James,” I teased.

“Oi! I’m your brother!”

“That’s the only thing you have going for you, Potter,” Lily said.

“Ah—so there _is_ something you like about me. All in due time, Evans. All in due time.” James smirked as he laced his fingers behind his head and leaned back in his chair.             

Lily rolled her eyes before turning to leave. I went to follow, but Sirius called out to me again.

“Hey! You’ll be back in time for the party, right?”

“When have I ever missed a Sirius Black birthday party?” I responded.

“Well, you’ve missed about eleven of them actually.” He smirked.

“That was before I knew you.”

“And your life has been better for it ever since.”

“I’m leaving now.”

“Hey wait!”

“What now?”

“Will you bring those little cakes from the kitchens?”

“Yes.”

“And…”

“Bye, Sirius.” I stepped through the portrait hole before he could say anything more. That boy was needy on a normal day; he was tenfold on his birthday. Lily, Emma, and Amelia were all waiting for me.

“You’re a brave girl, Kate,” Lily said. “I don’t know how you handle spending so much time with them.”

“They’re really not that bad most of the time,” I said as we began walking.

“Besides, it comes with some pretty good perks,” Emma added. Lily eyed her curiously. “Is it just me, or is Sirius looking exceptionally good this year?”

“It’s you,” Lily said but Emma ignored her.

“And the way he was flirting with you, Kate, I think he fancies you.”

“What! That’s crazy. Sirius is like a brother to me,” I said. “And he flirts like that with a lot of girls.”

“She’s right about that, Em,” Amelia said. “Personally, I’ve always found Remus to be the cute one.” My stomach knotted at her admission, and I tightened my grip on my books. “I think it’s the whole mysterious-air thing he’s got going on.”

“Mysterious-air? What are you talking about? Remus is an open book,” I said without thinking. Of course he was an open book to me; I knew his secrets.

“Surely you’ve noticed how he disappears all the time. I wonder where he runs off to,” Amelia mused.

“It’s his mum,” I said quickly. “His mum is really sick. Professor Dumbledore gave him special permission to go visit her. There’s no cure for it…her illness, and it really bothers Remus. That’s why he doesn’t like to talk about it.” The lie slipped off my tongue easily, and a bit hurriedly, but it seemed to work as Amelia didn’t say anything more about Remus. I noticed Lily and Emma didn’t bother to say anything at all.

“How’s Ella doing?” Lily asked, changing the subject.

“She’s holding up. She’s really worried about Ruth though. The poor girl is really taking it hard.”

I knew what she was feeling…and I almost said that out loud.

“I can’t believe someone would do something like that. And to what purpose?” Lily asked.

“To instill fear,” I replied without thinking.

“I bet it was those Slytherins your friend Snape hangs out with,” Amelia said.

“I told you he’s not…we don’t… You can’t just say things like that,” Lily said. “You can’t just make accusations.”

“They’re not accusations if they’re true, Lily. You saw what Mulciber did to Mary last year, and she was a seventh year who knew how to fight back. What’s to stop him from attacking a fourth year?”

I wanted to side with Lily and believe that Amelia was only making accusations. I didn’t want to believe a student, Mulciber or not, was capable of attacking another student with such violence and force. Yet I was reminded of my chilling encounter with the Slytherin gang on Monday, and I couldn’t speak against Amelia.

When we arrived at the library, I began searching for Ruth while the other girls headed off to find their own table. I spotted Ella before I spotted Ruth sitting at a table in the back. Ruth looked up and caught my eye. Suddenly, my heart began pounding in my chest. I tried focusing on what Remus had said about not talking and just listening, or just ‘offering my presence.’ But what if she was a talker? She’d expect me to say something in return. The fear was almost enough to send me running out the door. Then Remus’ smile popped in my head, the smile he had when I told him I was going to do this. He was pleased; he was proud. I didn’t want to disappoint him by turning back. So, I swallowed the fear and put one foot in front of the other.

**XXX**

Later that evening I pushed my way through the fruit basket painting and stepped into a steam filled kitchen. I was met by Binky and her sister Tinx.

“Oh! Mistress Potter, how can Binky serve you today? More chocolate cake?”

“Yes please, several of the mini cakes if you could. They’re for Sirius Black’s birthday.”

“Oh Master Black,” Tinx said with a blush. Can house-elves even blush I wonder?

“Can we get some strawberry ones and toffee ones too please?”

“Yes, yes. Binky and Tinx are pleased to help. Come, sit.”

They led me over to one of the tables so I could wait. I knew it wouldn’t take them long to make the cakes, but I decided to try and finish Sirius’ card. I hadn’t been in there long when the door opened again, and to my surprise the Headmaster walked in. The house-elves reacted no differently towards him then they did me, almost as though his appearance was a normal thing.

A house-elf whose name I didn’t know approached the Headmaster and asked how he could help.

“I think a nice licorice tea, please,” the Headmaster responded. When he spotted me, he smiled and made his way over. “May I join you, Miss Potter?”

“Yes, of course, Sir.” I tried to keep working, but I found it hard to concentrate on the charms I still wanted to add with the Headmaster watching me.

“Have you ever had a licorice tea, Miss Potter?”

“I can’t say that I have, Sir. I had a toffee flavored tea once.”

“Ah yes. The toffee is very good.”

“To be honest, it was a bit sweet for me. I prefer my tea black.”

“Then I think you would enjoy a licorice tea.”

Truthfully, a licorice tea sounded rather disgusting, but I didn’t say as much. It smelled rather repugnant too when it arrived.

“If you don’t mind my asking, how was your meeting with Miss Sieber?”

I shrugged one shoulder. “It was alright, I suppose. We didn’t… we didn’t talk about the attacks though.”

“Oh? And what did you talk about?”

“Nothing specific really. We made exploding confetti cards for Sirius’ birthday.”

“Exploding confetti cards?”

“Yes. It’s a charm added that makes the card explode into hundreds of tiny confetti pieces when the receiver opens it. Sirius will get a great laugh out of it.”

“I see.”

“Here you go, Miss Potter,” Binky said as she and Tinx set a platter of mini cakes before me.

“Oh! Thank you Binky. Thank you Tinx. They look delicious.”

“Mistress Potter is too kind. Binky and Tinx are happy to serve,” Binky said.

“Tinx made a toffee-chocolate swirl for Master Black,” Tinx pointed out.

“I will make certain he receives it.” It almost looked as though Tinx blushed again, before she and Binky walked away. I shook the thought from my head; it was silly to think a house-elf fancied Sirius. I turned my attention back to the Headmaster.

“Would you like a mini cake, Sir? We have strawberry, toffee, and chocolate.” I pointed out each flavor. I couldn’t help notice that his eyes seemed to shine a little more at the sweet deserts.

“Oh, I…I shouldn’t.”

“Pity. They’re really quite good.” I slid the platter a little closer.

“Well, if you insist…”

“I do, Sir.” His hands hovered over the three flavors as though he was unsure which to choose. “I recommend the chocolate cake.”

He smiled and grabbed a chocolate cake. “You are right, Miss Potter. These are quite good.”

“Well, Sir, I think I should be getting back to the common room. Sirius would be very displeased if I made him do the hard labor of walking to find me on _his_ birthday.”

“You’re not walking back alone, are you though?”

“Oh, umm…” I actually had been about to walk alone. I usually didn’t think anything of it.

Before I or the Headmaster could say anything though, the door opened once more. This time it was Remus who walked in. I smiled at the sight of him. He’d probably come for me when he saw I hadn’t returned with the others.

“No, Sir, I won’t be alone.”

The Headmaster looked over his shoulder at Remus. “Ah yes, Mister Lupin. You are in safe hands with him.”

“Yes… I am…” I stared at Remus a bit more, who was just waiting by the door, until I heard what sounded like faint laughter. The Headmaster was smiling when I looked back at him, but I couldn’t tell if he had been laughing.

“Excuse me, Sir,” I said as I stood up.

“Have a good night, Miss Potter.”

“Thank you, you too, Sir.” I’d grabbed my things and was just about to leave when the Headmaster called my name again. “Yes, Sir?”

“Inform Mister Black that I will expect him back in class tomorrow, even if he is seventeen now.”

“I will, Sir.”

I met Remus at the kitchen door. He took my books while I carried the cakes as we stepped through.

“How did you know to find me in the kitchen?” I asked. Remus smirked and pulled out a blank piece of parchment. “The map, of course…The map! James can use it and find us together.”

“Not if I’m the map keeper.”

“The what?”

“I volunteered to be the map keeper, which means the map is my responsibility; it’s my job to keep it out of the wrong hands, including your brother’s.”

“So, as long as you have control of the map…”

“James won’t.” We began walking again. “So, what did Professor Dumbledore want?”

“I have no idea. That was really weird, right?”

He smirked again. “It was curious.”

I rolled my eyes. “You and your ‘curiosity.’ I believe that’s supposed to be my thing.”

“Well, right now, me and my curiosity are curious about these cakes.” Remus went to grab one but I slapped his hand away.

“Not that one. That one is Sirius’.”

“What did you do to it?”

“ _I_ didn’t do anything to it. Tinx made it especially for Sirius. It’s a toffee-chocolate swirl.”

“I want a toffee-chocolate swirl cake.” Remus pouted a little.

“We can turn back. I’m sure Binky would be all too pleased to serve Master Lupin.”

“Is that a hint of jealousy I sniff?”

“What! No! It’s…curiosity. What is it with you all and the house-elves? Do James and Peter have their own special elf too?”

“Yes actually. Face it, Kate, even the Hogwarts house-elves are not immune to the Marauder charm.”

“The Marauder charm? Is that why it took you so long to kiss me?”

I stopped dead in my tracks. I didn’t just say that. I cannot believe I just said that. I just said that!

Remus stopped walking too and took my free hand in his. “No, Kate. That would be the Marauder Foolery.”

He didn’t just say that. I cannot believe he just said that. He just said that!

For a moment we just stood there and stared at each other. I sensed that he wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted him to kiss me, but we both knew it was too risky there in the hall. After a while he squeezed my hand gently, and we resumed our walk in sweet silence. We (discreetly) held hands all the way to the Fat Lady.

**XXX**

_I was on a familiar hillside, but something seemed different. Suddenly there was a roaring rush and an orange glow behind me. I turned to find a house on fire, a small girl leaning out the window._

_“No. No this isn’t happening again. I don’t want to be here!” I yelled. “What do you want this time?”_

_Just like the first time I asked that question, the smoke and flames disappeared. It was just me and the little girl. And the girl looked sad._

_“What do you want?” I asked._

_“You’re still not remembering me, Kate.”_

_I shook my head. “If it’s going to be like the last time, please, I don’t want to remember.”_

_“If not you, then who? Kate, who will remember me?”_

_The girl looked so desperate for someone to remember her, and somehow I knew how she felt. I bit my lip and slowly nodded my head. The girl touched my forehead and I awoke with a start._

 


	16. Memory

**Memory**

**_11 November 1976_ **

 

I lay in bed, heart pounding and blood rushing in my ears, trying to calm down. It had been weeks since I’d last had that dream. Why did it come back? If the last time I had that dream was any indication, then I knew I was due to have another memory return. Which scar would it be this time? My eye? My hand?

Feeling like I could breathe normally again, I gently pushed back the covers and crawled out of bed. I was the first one up. I knew if I got back into bed though, then the image of the burning house would plague my sight.  So I got dressed, grabbed a book, and went down to the empty common room.

It had been a week since Sirius’ birthday. This meant it had also been a week since I’d first met with Ruth. We’d met again since then, but we still hadn’t talked about the attacks. Mostly, I actually did help her with her school work.

Slowly the common room began to come to life as one by one students came down the stairs. When the guys came down, we headed to breakfast. I didn’t say anything about my dream.

All morning I waited with dread for something to happen, but it never did. By lunch I was beginning to feel like maybe it wouldn’t come today after all. If it didn’t come today, though, did that mean it would be tomorrow? I really hopped I didn’t have to go through this endless waiting tomorrow too.

In ancient ruins, the whole class headed to the library to begin research on our projects. The projects weren’t due until after Easter holiday, but they were a large part of our final grade.

              

“Alright, Kate, what’s wrong?” Remus asked softly as we headed into the stacks. I shouldn’t have been surprised that he figured out something was wrong. I gently pulled him deeper into the books before replying.

“I had that dream again, the one with the burning house and the girl.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. What happened?”

“She said I’m still not remembering her. I told her I didn’t want to remember if it was going to be like last time, but then she said that if I didn’t remember, then no one would. I’ve been waiting all day for something to happen, but so far nothing has.”

“Wow, I…I wish there was something I could do besides say ‘I’m sorry’ again. You know if there is anything I _can_ do to help, I’d do it.”

“Well, there is one thing I can think of that would ease my mind.”

“Kate Potter! I am surprised.” And I was confused. Then he smiled mischievously and whispered. “Snogging in the library stacks is a bit risky, don’t you think?”

I could feel my cheeks burn instantly and I playfully slapped his arm. “What sort of girl do you take me for, Remus? I meant another dinner like the one we had last Monday.”

“Ah, yes of course. Silly me,” he said with a laugh. “Still, my suggestion is not without its merits. It made you smile if nothing else.”

I didn’t respond; I was afraid that if I did I would tell him just how much his suggestion intrigued me. I was saved from our rampant imagination by the Professor walking up.

“This isn’t social hour,” he said in a tone that was somewhere between stern and jesting.

“Oh, we weren’t socializing,” Remus said.

We weren’t?

“You weren’t?” the Professor asked.

“No, Sir. We were trying this new method of book finding.”

“And what, pray tell, is this new method, Mr. Lupin?”

“It’s very modern, Sir, but very simple. One merely has to think about the subject they are looking for, and the right book will find them.”

The Professor didn’t say anything. Really, there was nothing he could say that didn’t involve the word “detention.” I didn’t want to see Remus get another detention because of me. So, I spoke up.

“See, I told you Remus. That new method was rubbish. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find my book the old fashioned way.”

“You were right, Kate. I should have just listened to you.”

I walked away under the pretenses of looking for a book before anything else could be said or done. I’d found a couple of books I thought might work and was heading back to the table when Remus jogged up beside me.

“Did he give you a detention?” I asked.

“No, thanks to you,” he replied.

“You’re lucky…”

“I am aren’t I?”

“Remus, have you ever stopped to consider that perhaps you’ve spent too much time with James and Sirius?”

“You know what Sirius would say to that…”

“‘There’s no such thing,’” we said together before laughing.

“Quiet in the library!” Miss Prince chastised.

 

Remus and I tried to get some work down in earnest after that. We skimmed through books and jotted down notes. We shared ideas and helped each other narrow our topics. I was beginning to form an idea of what I wanted to do; I just didn’t know if I’d be strong enough to do it, mentally, as it involved ancient star charts.

It was nearing the end of class. Remus and I were walking the aisles returning the books we didn’t want to keep when it happened. I saw the spine of a familiar book. At first I didn’t know why it seemed so familiar to me. Then, just like with the ink well in transfiguration, I began to flash between two different places. I was in the library / I was laying a floor / back in the library / I was being pulled across the floor… I dropped to my knees in the library, faintly aware that Remus was saying my name, before I was completely submerged in the memory.

 

 _I was hiding under my bed with my favorite book before me:_ Astrid’s Guide to Astronomy, Volume Three _. I was reading with my hands covering my ears to drown out the noise down below. They were arguing; they were always arguing._

_There was a loud crash downstairs causing me to jump and knock my head on the underside of the bed. As I was rubbing my head, I heard heavy footsteps on the stairs and I knew he was coming up. I squeezed my eyes shut and pleaded with fate that he wouldn’t come for me._

_After a while the footsteps faded away and I thought it was safe to open my eyes. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Without warning I was pulled out by my ankle and my book with me._

_“What’s this? Hiding under the bed like filth? Not in my house!” he spat. Then, noticing my book, he pulled it from my hands._

_“Where did you get this? Have you been going through my things again?”_

_“N—no, Sir. Please, I—I found it. Please let me have it.” My voice trembled with fear. I tried not to look at him, and instead focused on my book dangling in his grasp._

_“Don’t lie to me child!”_

_“I—I’m not lying; I promise. I found it town. Someone else didn’t want it, so they threw it out.”_

_“They threw it out? You brought garbage into my house? Do you know who we are? Our blood is pure! We do not foil ourselves with garbage. I think it’s time to teach you another lesson.”_

_With his hand on my shoulder, he spun me around and forced me to my knees. The fall on my knees hurt, but I knew it would pale in comparison to what was coming next._

_“No, please don’t. I—I won’t do it again.” I tried pleading, but my pleading was never enough._

_The first slash came down on my back, and I felt it through to my chest._

 

I was brought back to the library abruptly, the scars on my back burning as though they just happened. In a way, they had. I tenderly reached back to make sure they weren’t bleeding. Instead of finding my back though, my hand found Remus’ on my shoulder.

“Kate? It happened didn’t it?” he asked.

I managed a nod before the tears came. I clutched the astronomy book to my chest while Remus cradled me to his. I was oblivious to everything that happened around us after that. With each tear that fell from my eyes I felt the sting of his curse.

Eventually, my tears faded into nothing. I felt numb, and a little disoriented. The library was strangely quiet around us, even for a library.

“The muffliato charm,” Remus said, seeming to read the confusion on my face. “I thought it best that Madam Prince didn’t come running.”

“Thanks,” I said, wiping the lingering tears away. “We…we should hurry to the green houses or we’ll be late.”

“It’s too late for that. Class started about ten minutes ago.”

“Oh.”

“We…we can still head over there if you want to. I’m sure if we explained to Madam Sprout she’d understand and be forgiving. I don’t think you’ve ever missed one of her classes.”

“And…if I don’t want to go?” I said with after a slight pause.

“Then… we could go someplace a little more comfortable and private. The dorms or the kitchen perhaps?”

I thought about it for a moment before replying. “Could we maybe do both? Can we go back to the dorms and see if Binky will bring us some cake?”

“I’m sure we could.” He stood and held his hand out for me to take. I kept the astronomy book close to my chest as he pulled me to my feet gently.

“If you don’t mind, I think I’d rather wait to tell you all at once. The less I have to…”

“Stop, Kate. You don’t have to tell me anything…except, what kind of cake you want.”

“Chocolate. No strawberry. Maybe a chocolate-strawberry swirl. Do you think she can do that?”

“This is Binky we’re talking about. She’ll do anything to serve Master Lupin,” he said playfully with the intent of making me laugh. Though I didn’t laugh, I did smile a little.

 

The others had made it to class, so Remus and I had the dorms to ourselves. Other couples may have taken advantage of such privacy, but Remus and I did not. Not that the thought didn’t occur to us; it’s just a little awkward to snog after being whipped, or after the memory of it at least. We simply sat on his bed and enjoyed our cakes.

…Alright, so we _may_ have kissed a little after our cakes when I was feeling better. But we kept the map open so we could see when James was returning.

When James did return, he was shocked to find us alone together. I quickly jumped up however and hugged him. He was more surprised by the hug and thus distracted temporarily from finding us alone.

“What’s all this about?” he asked as I pulled back.

“I had another memory return, at the end of ancient ruins. That’s why I didn’t make it to class. Remus stayed back to try and distract me, with cake. It worked… a little.”

“Well, what sort of cake was it? Maybe it wasn’t the right kind.” Peter said.

“I think you missed the part where she said she had another memory return,” Sirius said, slapping him on the backside of his head.

“Oh…”

“You don’t have to tell us anything, if you’re not ready.” Remus said.

“Moony’s right, Kate,” James agreed.

The thought was very tempting but I decided it was best to go ahead and tell them.

“It all started with this book,” I picked up the astronomy book. “Well, one like it at least. I had a copy of it. I wasn’t really allowed to have things, so they…my parents didn’t know about it.

“I found it one day while in the local town with my mother. Someone decided they didn’t want it, so they threw it away. I remember thinking it was a shame to throw away a perfectly good book…”

“You would…” Sirius interjected with a laugh. I ignored him.

“So I took it home with me, being careful not to let anyone see. It was my favorite thing. I kept it hidden under my bed between two boards. I used to go there a lot, under my bed, to try and escape the world for a bit. My bed was by the only window in the room, and if I lay under it just right I could still see the stars outside; I could still dream of being among them.”

I was surprised to find that I was smiling at that memory. I’m not even sure where it had come from. It was just…there.

“So…you had a memory about a book and decided to skive off herbology. I can’t say I blame you,” Sirius teased lightly.

I glared playfully. “No. The book was a catalyst.”

“A cat-a-what? Is that kin to the tabby?” Peter attempted to joke along. No one laughed, though I tried.

“Uh…no. I missed herbology because I saw the book in the library, and I had a memory about the scars on my back.”

I looked at Sirius. “You were right.” I said. “…about the first memory.”

“Wait! Before you go any further, can you say that again or put it in writing? I rather like the way that sounded.”

“Sorry, Sirius, but if you missed it the first time I’m not repeating it.”

“Oh I didn’t miss it!”

“But… it wasn’t an accident. Unless, you want to call it an accidental miss. I say that because…because there is no way that this was an accident.”

I sat on the nearest bed, Remus’, and told them all of my newest memory.

**XXX**

**_24 November 1976_ **

The sixth year girl’s dormitory was in an uproar. There had been another attack. A sixth year Ravenclaw named Janice; she was a prefect. Lily knew her because they occasionally did rounds together. They were actually going to do their walk through together the night of the attack, only Janice never showed.

Professor Slughorn found her near the dungeons. She’d been knocked unconscious by a blow to the head. Lily was furious they’d attacked a prefect, and one of her friends at that. The Professors were really beginning to worry too. They were considering informing the parents, but that might insight a panic.

The day Ruth and I got together for what had become our weekly meeting, Janice was still in hospital. So we decided to visit her there. Surprisingly, Madame Pomfrey allowed us to enter.

“I will let you in, Miss Potter, if she agrees to it.” She pressed her lips together in a firm, thin line. “If you upset her though, and she asks you leave, then I will insist upon it too.”

“Yes Ma’am. We’ll be considerate,” I said.

“You know,” Ruth leaned in and whispered softly as Madame Pomfrey walked away. “I’m not ashamed to admit that she frightens me a little.”

I smiled. “Maybe, but she’s actually nicer than some of the healers at St. Mungo’s.”

“You were in St. Mungo’s?”

“Yeah, for a bit when I was younger.”

“I didn’t know that. I mean, I guess that’s not surprising, considering…”

“Considering what?”

“You’re a bit of a mystery, Kate. No one seems to know much about you.”

“I suppose that’s because there’s not much to know really; I’m no one special.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” she said firmly. “I think you’ve been pretty exceptional these last few weeks.”

“Miss Potter, Miss Sieber,” Madame Pomfrey said. “She’ll see you.”

Ruth and I walked the short distance down to Janice’s bed. All the while, Ruth’s words replayed in my head. Exceptional? Had I been exceptional? If so, how? When we reached where Madame Pomfrey was waiting, Ruth held back and allowed me to go first.

“Um, hi,” I said. “We…we brought you some cake. Chocolate always makes me feel better. And the cakes here are really good.”

“Why are you here?” Janice asked.

“We came to help you,” Ruth said.

“What can you do to help me that Madame Pomfrey can’t?”

“Well… we’re just figuring that out ourselves,” I said. “But I… I think we can all help each other.”

“How?”

“Because we were attacked too.” Whatever Janice may have been expecting, it wasn’t that. “I…I was on the astronomy tower when they attacked me.”

“I…I think I’ll take that cake now,” Janice said. And so our group of two gained a new member.

 


	17. Birthday Lessons

**Birthday Lessons**

**_4 December 1976_ **

 

Everyone in our section leapt to our feet and cheered loudly as Ravenclaw scored another point.  It was the first Saturday in December, the last Quidditch match before holiday, and the day before my birthday. Ravenclaw was playing Slytherin, and the latter team was playing dirty. Granted, the Slytherins usually played dirty, but they were being especially cruel this game. It seemed the more Ravenclaw scored, the dirtier the Slytherins played. No sooner had we cheered for Ravenclaw and the Slytherins caused another foul.

“That’s rubbish!” James shouted.

“Rubbish!” Sirius exclaimed at the same time.

“They know no bounds, do they?” I asked no one in particular as I rubbed my hands together to stave off the cold.

Remus stood next to me, his arm occasionally brushing mine in the tight quarters. He was looking a bit paler than usual, and I knew it had more to do with the full moon in three days than the cold. He glanced sideways at me and saw me rubbing my hands together. He smiled, took one of my gloved hands, and placed a warming charm on them.

“Better?” he asked.

“Much. Thanks.” I smiled up at him. He didn’t drop my hand until James cried out in another cheer. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.

The match went on. Ravenclaw kept face while the Slytherins got worse. We cheered for Ravenclaw and booed Slytherin. My hands stayed warm. Then things got worse, much worse. The Slytherins were being so dirty the rest of Ravenclaw house started heckling the Slytherin team, and the Slytherin house fired back…literally.

It all happened rather fast. Frustrated and down by fifty points, a Slytherin spectator fired a spell at one of the Ravenclaw chasers. Fortunately, the chaser dodged the spell, but it struck one of the Ravenclaw banners and lit it up in flames. While everyone reacted to the sudden fire, I was quite unexpectedly, and without warning, thrust into another memory.

As quickly as it came it ended, but the pain it brought remained. I screamed; it felt like my arm had suddenly erupted flames. I began clawing and pulling at my sleeve, trying to free my arm from my jumper. The cold air was refreshing against the bare skin. I sat down, panting, trying desperately to catch my breath. James knelt before me, as best he could, and took my face in his hands.

“Kate! Kate, what is it? What happened just now?”

“A… a memory,” I managed. “It was awful, James. I think he must have hated me. How else could he do this to me?” I showed him the burn marks on my arm before dropping my head to his shoulder and crying.

**XXX**

“He called them lessons,” I said.

It was later that day and we were back in the dorm. During the distraction of the fire, the Slytherins had caught the snitch and won the match.

“He caught me playing with a Muggle girl from the town, and he thought…. He’s one of them, the blood supremacists, or whatever. He thinks we’re better wizards because our blood is pure.”

“Well that’s something you can take away from it besides his brutality,” Peter said. We looked at him in confusion. “We know that you’re a pure-blood, like the rest of us.”

“Not all of us,” Remus corrected after a slight awkward pause. “My Mum’s a Muggle, remember.”

“Oh. Right.” Peter looked away sheepishly.

“Not that it matters one lick anyway,” I said firmly. I looked at Remus, who was sitting on his bed looking slightly ashamed.

I continued on, “Our blood is as red as yours, and you know defensive spells better than those pure-blooded Slytherins. So what does it matter that your Mum is a Muggle?”

“Kate’s right. This whole pure-blood nonsense is rubbish.” Sirius said.

Remus smiled faintly. “I’ve learned that Kate is usually right.”

It was my turn to smile as I sat on Remus’s bed. “The more I remember about my childhood, the less I wish I knew.”

“‘The grass is always greener,’” Remus said softly. “My grandmother used to say that, on my Mum’s side.”

“Tell your grandmother she was right too,” I said with a sigh.

There was a moment of quiet before Sirius decided to break it with a little light humor. “‘One lick?’ Sounds like someone wants a bowl of milk.”

“Oh, go fetch a bone,” I retorted before giving into a fit of laughter.

**XXX**

**_5 December1976_ **

 

I awoke Sunday morning to a fresh blanket of snow, the central furnace blazing, the sun shining, and a fierce determination to make the day a good day. I may not have known when my actual birthday was, but the fifth of December was the day I left hospital and went home with the Potters. It was the day we celebrated.

Smiling, I sat up and moved the curtains aside. My eyes spotted the little chocolate cake on my side table instantly. I reached for it without a second thought; chocolate cake covered in chocolate icing was my favorite. As I was enjoying a very tasty cake, I noticed a spare bit of parchment on the table.

I usually made it a point to keep my area clean and to keep my things organized. I didn’t keep spare bits of parchment on my night table. Curious, I picked it up and looked it over. It was empty. I flipped it over and in my hand to inspect the backside; it too was blank. Now very curious, I turned it back over and that’s when the words slowly began to appear. The hand writing was unmistakably Remus’ and the words were simple.

 

**Happy Birthday**

 

It was the perfect start to a perfect day.

 

All morning I received birthday greetings. From Lily’s “Happy birthday” in the dorms to James’ birthday hug in the common room, I was showered with warm wishes. When mail arrived during breakfast, the Potter’s owl arrived with letters from Fleamont and Euphemia. I read both letters quietly to myself over my blackberry toast. They both told me how proud and pleased they were, and how happy and blessed they were the day I joined their family. Eupehmia’s letter also asked about how things were going on the Remus’ front. I don’t know how she knew these things; in all my letters to her, I had never mentioned that Remus and I were together. I quickly folded up both letters and stuffed them in my pocket.

Letters from Fleamont and Euphemia weren’t all the Potter owl brought me. There was also a small brown parcel addressed to me simply as Kate Potter; there was no return address. I opened it carefully, thinking there might be a letter inside to reveal the sender, there wasn’t. There was, however, a single stick of licorice and a bag of tea.

“What’s that?” Sirius asked.

I ignored Sirius and looked to the high table for confirmation. The Headmaster was there, and he was looking back at me. He smiled and raised his goblet to me; I nodded my thanks.

“Did Dumbledore send you licorice and tea?” Sirius asked.

“It would seem so,” I replied.

“Well what’s that all about?” James asked.

“That…” I smiled. “...is between the Headmaster and myself. Top secret stuff of course.”

Peter gasped. “She’s a spy, Prongs.”

“Our little Leo has turned on us,” Sirius said.

“Say it isn’t so, Kate,” James pleaded.

“Now, James, when have I ever been able to keep something from you?” I asked.

“She’s got a point, Padfoot. She’s never has been good at keeping things form me. I think we’re safe.”

Oh what he didn’t know. My heart was racing, and I had to fight myself to keep from looking at Remus. I knew he was doing the same.

“Hey Kate,” Ruth and Janice greeted as they walked up, effectively distracting me.

“Happy birthday,” they said as they handed me a card. “We made it together.”

“Thanks.” I reached for it and was about to open it when I stopped suddenly. “Wait, this won’t explode in my face when I open it, will it?”

“Now, why would we do that to you?” Ruth said a little too innocently.

I smiled back and braced myself as I opened it. Instead of exploding though it flapped its sides like a bird, or a butterfly, and sang “Happy Birthday” in a lovely soprano voice. It flapped around all of us before coming to rest in front of Sirius. Then, just as the song finished, it popped and exploded all over him.

“We thought you’d rather see that,” Janice laughed.

“Brilliant!” I said. Everyone else broke out in laughter as well.

Sirius didn’t think it was so brilliant, however, and he jumped to his feet intent on seeking revenge. I jumped up as well and stood between him and the girls.

“No!” I held up my finger. “Stop. My birthday, my rules. No attacking my friends.”

Friends? Really? Yeah, I guess they were my friends now. I mean, you don’t make exploding birthday cards for just anyone.

“But…” he protested.

“No!” I insisted. I pointed my finger back to his seat and said, “Sit.” He sat and I nearly laughed. It was too irresistible.

“Good boy,” I said, patting his head. He smiled lazily until he realized what he was doing. Then his eyes shot open and he jerked his head away.

“Uh-oh. Run,” I whispered. I turned to the girls. “Run!”

We took off running, fleeing the Great Hall, Sirius right behind us. Janice was leading and she took us out onto the snow covered grounds. Her wand was out instantly, forming snow balls. I followed suite. And we fired them back at Sirius. It wasn’t only Sirius that had followed us though; the rest of the guys had too.

James and Peter let their snowballs go instantly, but Remus stayed off to the side. I could see he was debating on whether or not he should join; knowing that if he did it would be four on three. I made his decision for him as my next snowball hit him square in the shoulder. He laughed and accepted the challenge.

We didn’t remain out numbered for long as Lily and the girls joined us. But then Janice’s boyfriend joined the guys. It was hard to keep track after that. Snowballs were flying everywhere, leaving us all soaked and shivering. No one noticed the cold though, for all the laughter.

**_XXX_ **

After the schoolwide spontaneous snowball fight, we were back in the common room huddled around the fire place with hot coca. I was reading _Astrid’s Guide_ , oblivious to what the guys were doing. But when Remus moved in a little closer, I looked up at him.

“Umm…hi,” I said.

“Hi,” he replied. My eyes quickly flashed over to James, who looked away the moment I looked at him. Remus looked over there too before clearing his throat and speaking loud enough for James to hear.

“How’s your Ruins project coming along?”

“Umm… fine, I suppose. Just doing a lot of research at the moment. How…how’s yours coming?”

“The same. Just… just researching. Actually, I was thinking of heading to the library now to work on it. Did you want to come along?”

“Today? But it’s…”

I stopped short. It was Sunday and my birthday, and for once I didn’t really want to do any actual work. But I knew I couldn’t really turn down alone time with Remus either even if it was via a study session in the library. As fun as it had been to pelt him with snow on my birthday, I imagined it would be more fun to kiss him on my birthday. Maybe we could try that “snogging in the stacks” thing he suggested a while back…maybe.

“I mean… sure. I guess. The library is probably really quiet now. Let me just go get my things.”

On my way up I caught another glimpse of James and saw him smirking. I knew then something was up. I quickly grabbed my things from the dorm and hurried back down the stairs. When I came back, Remus was whispering fervently with James and Sirius. I also noticed that Remus hadn’t gone up for any different books. Something was definitely up.

“Are you ready?” I asked.

Remus suddenly stood up straight. “Yes. Yes. After you, Kate.” He ushered me to the door and we left. We didn’t go far before he stopped us.

“I hope you don’t mind too much if we didn’t actually go to the library?” he asked.

“What? And here I thought you were going to make me slave away on school work on my birthday. It’s just what I always wanted.”

He laughed. “What gave us away?”

“James mostly; he’s not very subtle. And you were just a tad too loud for it to be a normal conversation.”

“Fair enough.”

“So what are they up to?” I asked.

“That I can’t tell you.”

“Not even if I said ‘pretty please?’”

“Please don’t. I don’t think I could refuse if you did.”

I sighed; sometimes it was just best to let James and Sirius do their thing. “Alright, fine, as long as it won’t get me into any trouble…”

“It won’t…it shouldn’t…well, I can’t promise anything.”

I debated again if should run back inside the common room, but I was alone with Remus…on my birthday. I tucked my books into my side and smiled. “So, what do we do then?”

“Well, I was rather hoping you’d let me give you your gift.”

My throat tightened a little and I suddenly found it harder to breath. “Wha-what?”

“Follow me.” He smiled as he took my hand and led me down the hall.

 


	18. Give Me the Stars

**Give me the Stars**

“You know, you didn’t have to get me anything,” I said as Remus pulled me around a corner.

“Good, because technically, I didn’t. It’s more like I found something.”

We stayed on the seventh floor and took a few turns until we came to an empty wall. The empty wall was unusual. Most wall space in the castle was taken up by portraits or tapestries, like the opposite wall that held a tapestry of trolls in tutus. But Remus’ antics when we arrived at the empty wall were more unusual. He left me at one end of the wall with instructions to wait there. Then he walked down to the other end, turned and came back before going back to the other side.

“Remus, what are… Whoa.” On his third trip by the wall, a door had suddenly appeared.

“Quickly, go inside.” We hurried in before the door vanished again.

It was a small empty room about the size of a classroom; although it felt much bigger. There was no furniture, no windows. There was no distinctive light source, but there was light enough to see by. It was almost as though the walls themselves emanated light.

“I said I found something for you, but really it’s more like it revealed itself to me.”

“What is this place?”

“I believe it’s the Room of Requirement.”

“The Room of Requirement? I read about that, back in first year. It seemed like one of those things that couldn’t be real.”

“But enchanted ceilings and moving staircases were?”

“I was young,” I said with a shrug. “So how did you find this room?”

“Last week I was wandering around trying to figure out something to get you and cursing myself because I hadn’t found anything yet…”

“Remus, I told you…”

“I know you said I didn’t have to get you anything, but what sort of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t get my girlfriend a gift for what is arguably the most important birthday for a young witch?”

“Well, when you put it like that…”

Remus smiled before continuing. “So I was walking around, trying to figure it out when suddenly this room showed itself to me. Do you remember reading about what it does? About how it changes based on what is needed of it?”

“I remember something about it, but like I said, I didn’t really believe it was real.”

“Well, let me show you.” He took my books and set them on a small table that had suddenly appeared before taking my hands in his. “Close your eyes.”

“How can you show me if my eyes are closed?”

“Just trust me, and close them.”

I did as he asked and we fell into silence. I wanted to open my eyes and peek so bad, but I didn’t. And just when I thought I couldn’t resist anymore, Remus told me to open them. I noticed the difference immediately.

I gasped and stepped back, my hands covered my mouth in shock. The room was darker than before, but still light enough to see. This time however, the room was lit by thousands of stars that dotted the ceiling like the night sky. It was like standing in the middle of an open field miles away from civilization. It was only the two of us and an endless array of stars.

I turned in a small circle, hands still covering my mouth, to take it all in. The emotions were too much for me to keep inside. I began to cry.

“Kate…” Remus stepped up behind me and placed a tentative hand on my shoulder. I quickly spun around and threw my arms around his neck, hugging him tight. He slowly returned the hug.

“I’m sorry…I thought…If you don’t like them I can…”

“No! Don’t take them away. Please.” I cried into his shoulder and he relaxed a little. “I love them, Remus.”

He held me for a bit longer, letting my tears run their course, before I was finally able to speak a little more.

“How did you know that what I wanted most was to see the stars again?”

“Well, I…I didn’t really. I mean, I didn’t know you would react like this. I knew you dropped astronomy after the attack, but…but I just thought you’d enjoy star gazing together and, well… we couldn’t very well go out on the grounds and do it.”

“Oh, Remus, I…I hardly know how to put into words what this means to me. You’re right; I dropped astronomy, but it was so much more than just a class to me. Star gazing is something I’ve always done, even as a little girl before the Potters adopted me, before the fire that killed my parents. Since the attack though… I haven’t been able to look at the stars. I can’t climb the tower, I can’t get a good view from the common room or the dorm, and I can’t go outside.

“They…they took the stars from me, Remus. Of all the things they did to me on the tower, I hate them most for taking the stars. But now you’ve…” I could feel fresh tears begin to fall again. “You’ve given them back. You’ve given me the stars, Remus, and I… I don’t even know how to begin to thank you.”

“So this was a good gift then?”

“Good?” I laughed despite my tears. “Remus, I don’t see how it’s possible for anyone to have ever, nor will they ever, give a gift to someone that is better than this one.”

He smiled and relaxed even more. I think a part of him still thought my tears were because I was upset and not because I was so completely and utterly happy.

“Well that really puts the pressure on your Christmas gift then.”

I shoved him lightly and laughed.

“Alright, so how do you wish to observe these stars?” he asked.

“How does the room work exactly?”

“Simple. Just think of what you want and it appears.”

“Really?”

“Really. Try it.” I did and Remus laughed. “Of all the astronomical equipment you could have asked for, you chose to go with two mats and pillows.”

“I find there’s something simplistic and natural at simply looking at the stars with my own two eyes.”

“I suppose I can’t argue with you on that. Now, shall we begin?”

We both pushed our mats together and lay down side by side, hand in hand, and gazed up at the stars together. I’d never felt more content in all my life.

 

We lay there for an hour, maybe more, just looking at the stars. The array of stars changed depending on what I wanted to see. If I wanted to see the constellation of Leo, it was there. If I wanted the stars of the south western hemisphere, they were there. All I had to do was think about what I wanted, even if I didn’t know exactly what it looked like the room gave it to me. Skies I’d never laid eyes on before were only a thought away.

Remus and I had changed positions in the hour too. We now lay with his arm around me while I curled into his side. My arm was draped over his chest, rising and falling with his gentle breathing.

“These stars aren’t real, are they?” I asked. “I mean, they’re just an illusion, like in the Great Hall.”

“I’m not sure. Why do you ask?”

“I… I was just wondering.”

We lay there for a few more minutes. I pointed out some of the lesser known constellations, and we made up some of our own. I became more and more curious about how real the stars were, and I put my theory to the test.

“Look at that,” I said with mild excitement as I sat up. Remus didn’t seem to want to let me go. His arm fell from my shoulder to my waist where he attempted to tug me back down.

“Hmm? What is it?”

“They… they can’t be real. These two constellations don’t appear together anywhere, ever. This one here,” I pointed “only appears during late summer. Whereas this one you see during the heart of winter. Because of the Earth’s rotation, it isn’t possible for them to occupy the same night sky.”

“Hmm…” he said again, very lazily. When I looked at him his eyes were closed and his other arm was behind his head. “Must be magic,” he teased.

“Remus,” I shoved him lightly and playfully, making him laugh. He tugged on my waist again and nearly succeeded in pulling me down. “You’re not falling asleep on me, are you?”

“Maybe a little,” he admitted, before slowly opening his eyes. “Sorry. Laying with you is quite comfortable. Please come back.” He tugged again only this time he was successful. I landed with a soft ‘oomph.’

“Mmm…that’s better.” Remus tightened his grip on me; not that I complained.

“You’re not really a fan of astronomy, are you?”

“I can’t say it’s my favorite subject.”

“And yet you’ve spent the last hour star gazing with me.”

“I must be mad.”

“Must be,” I replied with an eye roll. “That’s the only explanation why someone would spend an hour doing something they didn’t enjoy.”

“I was spending time with you; that’s something anyone would enjoy.” He turned so that he was lying on his side facing me. “Besides, it made you happy, and that was well worth it.”

He traced his hand down the side of my face softly, tenderly even.

“I think I could almost spend all night here with you…” he said just as softly.

We lay there like that, on our sides facing each other, and for a moment the stars were forgotten. It truly was just the two of us. I knew if we stayed there like that though, things could become…intense. So, as difficult as it was and as much as I didn’t want to do it, I sat up and Remus rolled back onto his back.

“Have you ever seen the moon?” I asked.

“How do you mean?”

“I mean, you’ve never really been able to see it without…”

“Turning into a vicious monster?”

“A monster should be defined by how it acts, not by how it looks. My dad was a monster, Remus; you are not.”

Remus didn’t say anything; he didn’t need to. He simply took hold of my hand and squeezed it lightly.

“Now…about that moon,” I said as I looked back to the stars. No sooner had I formed the thought in my mind and the room displayed a new moon. Slowly, it morphed into a waxing moon.

“Kate?” Remus sat up. “What are you doing?”

I stopped the moon’s progression just before the half moon.

“It’s all right,” I said. “It isn’t really the moon; can’t you feel it? Or rather, can’t you _not_ feel it? It’s like your Boggart. It takes the form of a moon, but it doesn’t affect you because it isn’t really the moon. Or am I completely wrong and you did feel something?”

“No…no I didn’t feel any worse….or any better.”

“Can I continue then?”

Remus looked at me. He still seemed unsure, but then he squeezed my hand a little tighter and nodded. We turned our eyes back to the moon. Its progression continued from a half moon—three quarters full—until it was a full moon. As it neared its completion I watched Remus rather than the moon. I watched, not for a sign of transformation, but for any sign of discomfort. I saw none. Remus rather seemed at peace.

“It’s quite beautiful, don’t you think,” I said, sliding my arm through his and laying my head on his shoulder. “In its own way. And it’s powerful, not just in its hold over you, but on the tides too. Beautiful and strong. It reminds me of someone I like very much.”

“Oh? And who might that be?”

“You wouldn’t know him,” I teased. Remus laughed softly and looked at me.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

We locked eyes for a moment. A burning desire to kiss him had been growing within me since we started star gazing, and it was becoming harder to resist. I knew he wanted to kiss me too by the look in his eyes. Kissing him was nice, very nice, but we knew we had to be careful with the full moon so near lest we forget ourselves and let things get too carried away. So we fought it.

“Of course, it isn’t my favorite phase,” I said, pulling back a little.

“And what is?”

“The new moon. You can see more stars without that pesky moonlight blocking them.”

“I should have known.”

“Yes, you really should have.”

We locked eyes again and this time we couldn’t resist. We kissed softly, but there was a deep emotion behind it. The arm I was holding slid behind me while his other moved to my cheek and gently pulled me closer. It was so easy to become lost in his kisses; this one was no different. Our lips broke apart, but we were still just as close.

“We…we should probably be heading back soon,” he said. “I was only supposed to distract you for two hours.”

“Well I say you thoroughly succeeded.” As my eyes were still closed, I felt rather than saw his smile. “Do we have to leave? We could say we just got carried away... with our studies,” I quickly added, my eyes popping open.

“And when they go to the library looking for us?”

“When is the last time James or Sirius went to the library on a school day, let alone a Sunday?”

Remus chuckled. "They'll send Peter then."

I pouted.

“You're making it really...difficult to say no to you."

"Apparently not difficult enough if you can still say it."

He raised his eyebrows and my eyes widened. I can't believe I just said that.

"We really should be leaving," he said.

"Yeah...we should."

He stood up and held a hand out for me. "Besides, James has the rest of your presents."

"Oh!" I took his offered hand and he helped me to my feet. "Well if you had said that first..."

Remus laughed as we entwined our fingers and grabbed our forgotten books. Before we left the Room of Requirement, I took one last look at the stars above us and smiled. They were stunning.

**XXX**

**_6 December 1976_ **

My head felt heavy, foggy; I didn’t want to get up. I was comfortable, very comfortable, but the bed continued in its persistent shaking. All Hogwarts beds were enchanted to shake at a designated time to wake the students for their lessons. Some students could ignore the shaking, but I never could.

 My hand brushed against something unexpected causing me to flinch. I pushed myself up with great effort and looked around. I was momentarily confused, but then some of the events of the night slowly came back to me. I wasn’t in my bed; I wasn’t even in my clothes. I was wearing one of Remus’ shirts and a pair of Sirius’ shorts. My own clothes had been soaked through when Sirius had exploded a fizzing soda all over me.

I had never made it back to the girl’s dorm after the party; I had fallen asleep on Remus’ bed. I looked down beside the bed and found Remus lying there. His arm was stretched up, leaning against the side of the bed. My hand had brushed against his. He felt the bed shaking too and slowly opened his eyes. For a moment we just lay there, looking at each other. Then the others began to stir as well.

I sat up completely and groaned as I grabbed my head; it felt like it was about to explode. I tried brushing my fingers through my hair, but it was matted and sticky from the fizzing soda. I looked around at the others as I managed to pull out some confetti from my hair. I smiled slowly.

“Best. Birthday. Ever,” I said.

 


	19. Holiday at Hogwarts

**Holiday at Hogwarts**

**_14 December 1976_ **

“Kate!” Ruth whispered loudly as she and Janice rushed to my table in the library. It was the last week before holiday and Remus and I really were in the library working. Our topics for our Ruins project were due before holiday began.

“Sorry, Madam Pince,” Janice apologized quickly before Ruth could be kicked out. Then she turned her attention back to us. “Hey, Remus. Are you staying for Christmas this year?”

“I am, much to the disappointment of my Mum I think,” Remus replied. “Are you?”

“I can’t, not the whole time at least. My family is going skiing, but I told Professor Flitwick that I can come back right after the New Year.”

I knew I had nothing to worry about with Janice and Remus talking. They were both Prefects so it stood to reason that they knew each other. Not to mention I’d heard Lily telling Emma that the Headmaster had asked as many Prefects to stay that could. Still, I couldn’t help but remember Amelia’s words that she found Remus cute because of his “mysterious air,” and I wondered how many other girls felt the same.

Ruth meanwhile, fell silent at the sight of Remus. She was still jittery though, and I knew she desperately wanted to tell me something. I didn’t want to send Remus away, but I knew it would put Ruth at ease.

“Remus, could you go put this away for me please? I think I’m finished with it.”

“Of course,” he said as he took the book from my hand. Remus was no fool. I’m sure he could see how nervous Ruth was and he knew what I was trying to do.

“He is so cute,” Ruth whispered once Remus was out of earshot.

“That may be,” Janice agreed, “but that’s not why we are here.”

“Is this about the latest attack?” I asked, trying my hardest to keep my voice even.

“Yes. Do you know who it is?” Ruth asked.

“She’s a Gryffindor, fifth year, but I don’t know her personally.”

“Right, well I was thinking,” Janice began, “about our meetings. If we want to keep doing them…”

“And I do,” Ruth interjected.

“Me too,” I agreed to my own slight surprise.

“Absolutely,” Janice said. “I didn’t think that was a question. The thing is though, I think we need to find a new place to meet. We can’t keep meeting in the library, not if all four of us really want to talk, Madam Pince is already wary of the three of us together.”

“But where could we go?” Ruth asked. “The Great Hall is too open. Could we use a classroom?”

“Too risky, I think,” Janice said. “Anyone could walk in. We need some place private.”

“Actually, I…I think I might know of a place,” I said.

“Where?”

“A room on the seventh floor.”

“A classroom?” Janice asked.

“No. It’s…a secret room. Very private; no one will find us that we don’t want.”

“Sounds perfect,” Ruth said.

“It sort of is…”

 

The Room of Requirement was the perfect meeting place. The Wednesday before holiday, Ruth and Janice met me and Emily on the seventh floor by the empty wall, and I turned it into our sanctuary. There were plush couches to sit on, a cozy fire for warmth, and, of course I brought cakes from the kitchens. Probably the best thing about the room though, was that each girl could add their own touch to make it comfortable for them. Ruth had added the fireplace, and Janice added the music of a Muggle composer named Bach. And Emily shared her favorite drink with us.

**XXX**

I didn’t meet with any of the girls during the holiday as they all left. Emma and Amelia had left too, leaving the dorm to Lily and me. All of the guys stayed, even Peter who usually left. James, Sirius, and I usually left for the holidays, but Fleamont had caught a cold and Euphemia thought we’d be more comfortable at the castle.

Holiday of course meant no classes. More importantly it meant no Ancient Ruins. As such, Remus and I didn’t get to spend much time alone together, much to our dismay. However, much to James’ pleasure, since most of her friends had gone home Lily spent the holiday in the common room with us. Surprisingly, James remained relatively cool about it.

Christmas morning I awoke to a pile of presents at the foot of my bed; Lily did too. Lily and I looked at each other across the way and smiled.

“Happy Christmas,” we both said.

“So, what did you get?” Lily asked as she reached for one of her gifts.

“I don’t know; I was going to wait for open them with the guys.”

“Oh…” Lily paused mid tear. “That sounds like fun.”

“Did…did you want to join us?”

“I didn’t get them anything.”

“So? Bring your own gifts and open them. Unless, of course, you want to open them all alone.”

“You sure they won’t mind if I intrude?”

“James mind having you around? I don’t think that will ever be possible. Come on; it might even be fun.”

“Well he has been rather easy to get along with this week.”

We slipped into some real clothes and headed down to the common room with our presents in tow. The guys were already there waiting for us. As most everyone had gone home, we were able to gather on the couches with our presents before us. We drew lots to see who would go first. Peter was the lucky one, followed by Lily, Sirius, me, Remus, and then James. We each opened a gift before the nest person took their turn.

The first gift I opened was from James and the Potters. It was a silver locket ornately engraved on a long silver chain.

“It’s beautiful,” I said softly, taken aback.

“It’s an heirloom,” James said. “Been in Mum’s family for years, passed from one generation to the next. It’s not really my style so I told Mum you could have it.” He finished with a teasing smile.

“How generous of you, James.” I rolled my eyes.

“Open it,” he said.

I did as told and found a picture of the four of us. I was standing in front of Fleamont and Euphemia; they each had a hand on my shoulder, and Fleamont’s other arm was around Euphemia. At first I wasn’t really smiling; I looked more scared than anything. But then James, who was standing beside me, leaned in and whispered something in my ear and I started laughing.

“Do you remember that day?” James asked?

I nodded. “It was the day we left hospital. Euphemia wanted a picture to commemorate the occasion, but I wouldn’t smile. Then you started speaking gibberish in my ear and I laughed.”

“I do believe I saved the day.”

“And you haven’t stopped speaking gibberish since,” I added to Lily’s delight.

“Oi!”

“Thank you, James.” I slid the necklace over my head. “It’s lovely. I’ll owl Fleamont and Euphemia first chance and thank them too. Now, it’s your turn Remus.”

We continued taking turns unwrapping our gifts. I got a Honeydukes chocolate bar from Lily who admitted she didn’t know what to get me. I told her that chocolate was always a good way to go for me. Sirius said it was like my catnip; I couldn’t refute him. I got a ball of yarn from Sirius who thought he’d given the funnier gift until he opened his bag of dog biscuits. (I shouldn’t have been surprised when he actually ate one of them, but I was.) Peter gave me a small glass ball that had a cloud of smoke floating inside it.

“It’s called a remembrall,” he said. “It’s supposed to help you remember if you forgot something. I thought it might help you with your memories.”

I did my best to smile and sound sincere when I said ‘Thank you.’ I didn’t have the heart to tell him that with each new memory I gained I also gained the fresh pain that had occurred during the memory. I noticed Lily looked a little lost at the exchange, but she didn’t say anything of it.

Apart from the Potter’s locket, I think my favorite gift was from Remus.  It was _Astrid’s Guide to Astronomy: Volume Five._

“It’s the latest volume. I thought you’d like to dig a little deeper into the world of astronomy,” he said.

“Thanks. I’m sure I’ll love it. I finished the other one weeks ago, but I couldn’t find any more in the library.”

The guys thought it was lame, and yet slightly funny, that Remus and I had gotten each other books for Christmas. His book was called _Charms of Defense and Deterrence_ by an eighteenth century Professor Catullus Spangle.

“It’s an interesting read, especially his insights on the Patronus Charm, and I thought you’d enjoy it.”

“Thanks, Kate. You know, I’ve always been a bit interested in the Patronus Charm; they say it’s one of the hardest defensive spells to cast.”

“I know, which is…”

“Wait,” Sirius interjected before Remus and I could get carried away discussing his book. “You used his gift before you gave it to him?”

“No! Don’t be ridiculous,” I said. “I…I bought a copy for myself.”

“Of course you did.” Sirius threw his hands up in exasperation. “Can we move on before you two put the rest of us to sleep?”

As James began to open his next gift, Lily leaned in and asked if she could borrow my copy of the book, to which I agreed. I had given James a new pair of Quidditch gloves, much to the assistance of Sirius who suggested he needed a new pair. Peter was the last one to open a gift from me.

“It’s a quill,” he said.

“It’s not just a quill though,” I said. “I enchanted it a bit.”

“Enchanted it how?”

“I placed a little charm on it to help you study. Here, let me show you. All you have to do is point it at something and say ‘lithio photographo’ and it will take a snapshot of the object. Then you can point it at a flat surface and say ‘lithio revelio’ to display the image.”

I demonstrated how it worked by displaying an image of the fireplace on the ceiling.

“I thought you could use it to study for the astronomy exams this year, since I’m not in the class to help you. You can take and image of the sky to compare with your star charts later. Just keep in mind that it only holds one image at a time, so once you take a new image the other is lost.”

“Wow. You’re brilliant, Kate,” he said.

“There’s no need to sound so surprised,” I teased. I was actually very pleased with my work on the quill.     

“Did you say you enchanted it with those charms?” Lily asked. “I’ve never heard of them before.”

“That’s because I sort of created them, I suppose. I mean, Professor Flitwick helped me of course; he guided me through the process, but I did the work.”

“Wow… that is pretty brilliant.”

“Again, with the surprise.”

“Sorry, it’s just…wow. I guess I never realized.”

“That’s alright, Lily. I’ve surprised myself this year.”

By the time we’d all finished opening our gifts we were quite hungry. Fortunately we were able to head down to the Christmas feast.

 

Though we’d been dorm mates since first year, I’d never really spent much time with Lily, one on one or otherwise. I’d always thought she was a bit temperamental and that she didn’t like me because of James. Turns out I was quite wrong. Lily was rather nice and we shared a lot of the same interests and enthusiasm in our classes.

Without any school work to occupy us, Lily and I spent the nights in our dorm talking. She told me about her family, and in particularly about her sister Petunia and how she’d changed since discovering that Lily was a witch. They used to be best friends, but now they barely spoke. And she told me how she and Snape had become friends before attending Hogwarts. The Snape she described did not sound like the Snape I knew…then again, I didn’t really know him.

After she told me that, I began to tell her about meeting the Potters for the first time. And before I knew what I was doing, I told her about my memories and how they’d suddenly started returning. I even confessed to the pain I felt with each new memory. And then I told her why I’d become friends with Ruth and Janice this year; though, I think she already suspected the reason why. The strangest thing was, none of it upset me like it usually did, not the memories, not even talk of the attack.

**_4 January 1977_ **

Janice returned just after the New Year began and Lily and I spent our time with her. I often found myself opting to sit with Lily and Janice at meals rather than the guys. It was a strange, yet refreshing change. A couple of days after Janice returned, she, Lily, and I were standing in one of the crosswalks wrapped in warming charmed scarfs, watching the guys muck around in the snow. Janice was telling us about her ski trip, but my attention was diverted elsewhere.

Remus and I had yet to have any time alone since holiday began, and it was really starting to wear on me. I missed the way it felt when his arm brushed against mine in Ancient Ruins. I missed the way the hair on my neck would tickle when he leaned in to whisper something. I missed the way my heart fluttered when he kissed me. … I did not, however, miss the way he would sometimes look at me and smile in a way that said he knew exactly what I was feeling because he felt it too; I still caught those smiles frequently.

“Kate…”

“Hmm?” I tried to peel my eyes off of Remus, but failed.

“Kate, are you even listening?” Janice asked.

“Yeah… Skiing was fun. You know…I’ve never been skiing; at least, I’m pretty sure I’ve never been.” I’d told Janice about my memories too.

“Sorry, Jan, but I think Kate’s a little preoccupied right now,” Lily said.

“How do you mean?” I asked. Lily didn’t say anything; she just smiled and tilted her head back to the guys.

“Oh yes, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Janice began. “How long have you and Remus been dating?”

I could feel my eyes widen and my pulse quicken. I tried, however, to keep my voice even.

“Wha—what are you talking about?”

Lily laughed making the guys look back over at us. I quickly turned away from them, afraid of catching Remus’ eye and giving it all away.

“You are both mental,” I said. “Remus and I are not… I mean we’re just… We’re not…”

“Wow, you can’t deny it can you?” Janice said.

She was right; I couldn’t deny me and Remus, and I didn’t want to deny us. I couldn’t spill it all so near the guys either. I grabbed both girls and quickly led then further from the guys. I only stopped when we were a safe distance away. I could still see the guys clearly, so I’d know if they were coming our way, but there would be no way they could hear us.

“Please, you can’t say anything,” I pleaded.

“Why?” Janice asked. “I think it’s great he’s found someone, and the two of you are adorable together.”

“James doesn’t know,” Lily said matter-of-factly.

“James can’t know,” I corrected.

“What would it matter if he did?”

“You may not have noticed, but James is a little protective of me.”

“A little?” Lily said incredulously. “He used to not let you out of his sight.”

“Precisely. It’s not exactly easy to find someone willing to date you, _and_ your brother, _and_ his friends.”

“I don’t imagine it would be,” Janice said with a grimace.

“Right, so when I finally convinced James to back off a little he agreed, under one condition…”

“That you not date one of his friends,” Lily finished for me. “That git. He backed off only after he already did the damage.”

“No. I don’t think it was like that,” I defended. “I mean, they’re not just his friends; they’re mine too. I think it’s more of a ‘just in case’ thing. You know, just in case things ended badly, he didn’t want to have to stop being their friend just because I’m his sister."

“I think she may have a point, Lily.”

“I guess so.”

“But you and Remus started seeing each other anyway.” Janice confirmed.

I smiled. “Remus is the reason why I had to convince James to back off. He’s the only boy I’ve ever fancied. He didn’t want to do it at first, go against James I mean. He didn’t want to risk their friendship, but…” I shrugged.

“But you convinced him otherwise,” Lily said.

“So, I’ll ask you again,” Janice said with a smug smile. “How long have you and Remus been together?”

This time I didn’t even try to fight the smile that spread across my face.


	20. Choices

 

**Choices**

_**8 January 1977** _

**It** was the last Saturday of holiday; the rest of the student body would be returning via the train by the following evening. It had been a quiet and uneventful holiday, mostly, but I suppose it wouldn’t have been Hogwarts if things remained that way.

It was early Saturday morning when Lily suddenly came into the dorm looking a bit frazzled.

“Good, you’re here,” she said. Then she hurried over to me before I could think of anything to say. “How is he?”

“How is who?”

“Remus,” she answered like it should have been obvious.

I was confused, and I was about to ask what she meant when it suddenly struck me. She must have meant his absence; it had been a full moon the night before. I smiled, relieved.

“He’s fine. He went to go see his Mum. He’ll be back tomorrow or tonight even.”

“Oh my god, you don’t know.”

“What are you talking about? It’s nothing unusual. He goes home every…”

“I know he doesn’t go home to see his Mum every month…on the full moon,” Lily interrupted.

I opened my mouth to protest, or ask how she knew, but I thought better of it. This was Lily Evans; of course she had figured it out.

“How long have you known?”

“For a while; though, I suspect not as long as you.”

“When you study the stars as avidly as I do, you notice certain patterns. But I’m sure he’s fine. He’s in the hospital wing, sleeping more than likely. He’ll be back tonight. Now, I’m hungry. Did you want to go to breakfast with me?”

I made to move past her, but she stopped me.

“Kate, there’s something you should know. There was an… an incident last night.”

“What sort of incident?”

 

I burst through the boy’s dorm, angrier than I’d ever been.

“Where is he?” I all but demanded.

“Kate!” James jumped and Peter gave a little squeak. But neither said anything more.

“Where is he?” I asked again.

“He’s fine. He’s in the hospital wing recovering. How did you find out already?”

“Not. Remus.” I said firmly.

“Look, everything is being taken care of. Don’t do…”

It became evident that James wasn’t going to give me the information I wanted. So I tuned him out and decided to find out for myself. I moved to Remus’ bed and opened the drawer in his side table. When I didn’t find what I was looking for there, I moved to the trunk at the foot of his bed. I felt bad for going through his things, but I figured I could ask for forgiveness later.

Finally I pulled the map out from under a pile of shirts.

“Kate, stop. Think about what you’re about to do, and then don’t do it.” James reached for the map but I pulled it back.

“Give me the information I want or back off James. The choice is yours.”

“I can’t let you walk out of here with that map, Kate.”

“Fine, then I’m sorry.” My wand was already in my hand and before he knew what hit him, I’d placed him in a full body bind. I looked over my shoulder at Peter. “Unless you want to join him, Pete, I suggest you let me walk out of here.”

Peter’s eyes flickered down to James before back to me. “Mice never fare well against cats.”

I smiled, only for a second, before directing my wand at the map. “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”

Instantly the elegant scroll, that didn’t belong to any of the guys, appeared along with numerous tiny dots. I was only interested in one particular dot. I unfolded the map bit by bit until I found him. And then I set off without a word.

I took the map with me, keeping an eye on the dot to make sure it didn’t move. With every step I came closer to my destination, and the closer I got the angrier I became. I paid little attention to anything else; I was only focused on one thing.

I gave the gargoyle the required password and it moved aside to reveal the spiral staircase. I tapped my wand against the map and muttered “mischief managed” before folding the map up and concealing it. I hadn’t given much thought as to how I would get through the door when I reached the top; I was too focused on seeking retribution. When I arrived, however, the door simply opened for me, and three sets of eyes looked across the room at me. The Headmaster was there, of course, as was Snape, and Sirius. When I saw Sirius standing there all the anger began to bubble and pour out of me

“How dare you,” I said, stepping into the headmaster’s office. “How could you be so reckless? How could you do something so stupid? How could you do this to him?”

“The git’s alright,” Sirius defended, thrusting his chin in Snape’s direction. “James saved him in time.”

I didn’t take my eyes off of Sirius as I prodded his chest. “I’m not talking about Snape; I meant Remus. You remember Remus, don’t you? Your _friend_ Remus? The one with the secret you swore to protect. The one you vowed no harm would come to. _That_ Remus?”

“Kate, I…”

“Don’t ‘Kate’ me, Black! Did you even think of him when you decided to send Snape through the tunnel? Did you think of what it might do to Remus if the wolf had attacked? He has enough shame and self-loathing without you adding to it!”

“Kate, I’m sorry. I was only trying to tea….”

“‘Teach him a lesson?’ Please, tell me you were not about to say that.”

Sirius blinked but didn’t say anything.

“You imbecile! You nit-wit! You complete and utter idiot!” I poked Sirius in the chest. Each poke was gradually harder than the one before until they became shoves. Then someone grabbed me by the elbows and pulled me back.

“Kate, please calm down,” James said from behind me. I continued to struggle against his hold.

“Don’t you see,” I said. “We can’t be like them, Sirius. We can’t be that sort, the sort who teach lessons with violence. We are better than that!” I stopped struggling suddenly.

“We’re stronger than that,” I added.

I gave up fighting entirely against James’ hold. The anger was quickly dissipating. James loosened his grip allowing me to shrug out of it, but I didn’t launch myself at Sirius again.

“Well, Miss Potter,” the Headmaster said after a while. His eyes bored into me, but he almost sounded amused rather than angry. “Do you feel better?” he asked. “Have you said all you wanted to say?”

“Actually, Sir, there is more I’d like to say…if…if you’d allow me to.”

“By all means, Miss Potter.” The Headmaster waved his arm across the room while he leaned back slightly in his chair.

I hesitated a bit. Was he really going to allow me to continue? I looked at Sirius who took a step back so as to be out of me reach. I turned away from him, however, and focused my attention on Snape. He was surprised by my choice of focus, but not as surprised as the others.

“I…I know why you did it. I know why you told Lily.”

“Wait! That’s how you knew?” James interrupted. I flashed him a warning look before continuing.

“Because she was your friend, or she _is_ your friend. I don’t know; that is between the two of you.

“But, you see, he’s _our_ friend. So, please, you can’t tell anyone else what he is. He’s not exactly proud of it, you know. It’s not like he woke up one morning and decided he wanted to be a werewolf. He was five when the wolf that cursed him crawled through his bedroom window. He doesn’t have a choice in the matter.

“But we do. We can choose to be different. We can choose to ignore the prejudices of this world. We can choose to be better.”

Not once during my whole speech did Snape give any indication that he even cared that I was speaking to him. He just looked at me in that same, unwavering sneer he always wore. I don’t even think he blinked once.

“Right, well…that’s all I have to say.” I turned back to face the Headmaster; he still looked slightly amused.

“And I don’t believe I could have said it any better myself.” It’s strange; he didn’t sound patronizing, but surely he couldn’t have meant that.

The Headmaster leaned forward and folded his hands together on his desk. “As lovely as the sentiment was, however, perhaps next time…” He trailed off. He didn’t need to finish his sentence.

“Yes, Sir. I’m sorry.”

“Now, Mister Black, you should know that I take the lives of every student very seriously. Your actions not only endangered the life of Mr. Snape, but also those of your friends Mr. Lupin, Mr. Potter, Mr. Pettigrew and your own life. As such, I shall take fifty points from Gryffindor for each life endangered.”

Sirius opened his mouth as though he was about to protest, but fortunately thought better of it in the end.

“You will also receive detention until further notice,” the Headmaster continued before turning to Snape. “Ten points will be taken from Slytherin for leaving school premises without permission.”

Snape did decide to protest. “But, Professor…”

The Headmaster held up a silencing hand. “Regardless of the incentives, you did not have to follow through with Mr. Black’s directive.” The Headmaster shifted his attention to James and me. “For daring nerve to rescue both friend and foe, twenty points are awarded to Mr. Potter. And for a most riveting speech on friendship and loyalty, I award Miss Potter with twenty points.”

I’m not sure if the surprise registered on my face since I was still very angry.

“Now, I do suggest that you all try to enjoy what is left of your holiday,” the Headmaster continued. With those final words we were all excused. Snape turned on his heel and fled instantly. The rest of us followed at a more subdued pace.

“A measly ten points,” Peter muttered. I didn’t even realize Peter had been in the room with us until he spoke.

“He didn’t have to take any points from Slytherin; Snape wasn’t in the wrong this time,” I said.

“Kate, I’m sorry, all right?” Sirius said. “It was stupid. I…”

“Stop, Sirius! Please,” I said as we reached the bottom on the staircase. “I…I can’t listen to your reasoning right now. I can’t listen to you try to explain why you would use a friend the way you did.”

“Kate…”

“No, Sirius, I mean it! I can’t.” I turned and began walking away.

“You shouldn’t be alone, Kate,” James called after me.

“Right now I have to be, James.”

“Well…can I at least have the map to see where you are?”

“I’ll be sitting outside the hospital wing until Madame Pomfrey lets me in to see Remus.”

**XXX**

I was outside the hospital wing practicing a few charms for nearly an hour before Madam Pomfrey finally allowed me to see Remus.

“Five minutes,” she said sternly. “No more.”

“Yes, Ma’am. Thank you. You won’t even know I was here.”

I calmly made my way past the rows of empty beds. Madam Pomfrey had set Remus up in the back so as to no be seen by anyone who may come in. I had no idea what to expect, but I don’t think anything would have prepared me for what I saw. Half of his face was wrapped in a large bandage leaving only his right eye, his mouth, and his lower left cheek visible. When I arrived, his eye was closed, allowing me time to conceal my shock before he saw me. I smiled and moved to sit in the chair on his right.

“Hey there, sleepy. How do you feel?”

“If I’m being honest, I’ve been worse.” He smiled slightly, which seemed to cause him a bit of pain. “I’ve also been much better.”

I grabbed his hand. “So, spending time in hospital is not your ideal way to end holiday?” I tried teasing lightly.

“I suppose it’s not so bad, if it means getting a visit from you.”

He was teasing and smiling, but I knew he was only trying to mask his shame. I didn’t want him to feel like he had to hide anything from me.

“He’s alright…you know, Snape. He’s still Snape.”

As I thought it might, his smile faded at the mention of Snape.

“He nearly wasn’t.”

“But he is,” I said pointedly. “And that’s what really matters, isn’t it? And I don’t think he’ll tell anyone else…” Too late I’d realized what I’d said.

“He told someone?”

“It was only Lily,” I said quickly, before Remus could panic too much. “And she already knew.”

“Lily knew?”

“It’s Lily, Remus. Are you really surprised she figured it out?”

He sighed. “I suppose I shouldn’t be.”

“No more surprised than I should be that she figured us out.”

“So she knows about us too?”

I nodded. “Janice too for that matter. The two of them cornered me earlier this week. Janice asked how long we’d been together. I tried to tell them that we weren’t, that we were only friends, but I couldn’t say it. I…I didn’t want to say it. I think you should know that too.”

He gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “Does this mean you’re ready to tell James about us?”

“No. No I don’t think I’m brave enough for that yet. I mean, what if he doesn’t change his mind? What if he still doesn’t want us to be together?”

His hand flinched in mine. Apparently I’d said the wrong thing again.

“You mean because I’m a werewolf?”

“WHAT! NO! That’s not at all what I said or what I meant. And don’t you dare go putting words in my mouth Remus John Lupin. Don’t you dare!”

Raising my voice was definitely the wrong thing to do. Madam Pomfrey came hurtling around the curtain furiously.

“Out!” she said. “Now!” She grabbed me by the elbow and pulled me to my feet.

“No, no please. I…I’m sorry.”

“It was my fault, Madam Pomfrey. Please, may she stay two more minutes?” Remus pleaded on my behalf. “I promise she won’t yell at me anymore.”

“Yes…I mean no, I won’t, of course I won’t.”

Evidently his monthly visits had earned him a bit of leeway with Madam Pomfrey. I was sure she was still going to throw me out, but a few pleading looks from Remus and she released my arm.

“Two minutes, no more. And no _yelling_ at my patients.”

Madam Pomfrey left and I sat back down. I was silent for a while, as I stared at the sheets that Remus lay under.

“Sorry, for raising my voice,” I said at last, casting my eyes up to look at him. “But you should know, Remus, I don’t care what people may say or think about you. It won’t ever change the way I _feel_ about you.” Remus reached for my hand again, and I gladly gave it to him.

“And also… I kind of rummaged through your things to find the map.”

He laughed, in earnest, which brought a smile to my lips.

I stayed there, talking quietly, until my two minutes were up. Madam Pomfrey came back around the curtain and gently kicked me out. I made my way back to the common room and ignored all attempts Sirius made to get my attention as I went straight to the girl’s dorm to cry. Remus was in pain and there was nothing I could do to help him.

 


	21. Potter's Place

**Potter’s Place**

 

The start of term started with a new memory: my hand. There was a scar that traveled the length of my right palm and it was caused by my father, however, indirectly. I wasn’t the subject of my father’s anger for once; it was my mother he was mad at. I tried to intervene, only my mother pushed me aside, and my hand went through a class curio. There was a scar simply because my hand wasn’t tended to properly.

The start of term also brought a new attack. It was a double attack this time however, and according to the reports of the girls the attackers had increased in number. I suspect it was to compensate for girls not being alone.

Remus stayed in hospital the whole first week of classes. Apparently, not only had Snape seen the Wolf but the Wolf had seen Snape and caught his scent. Since James and Sirius were busy dealing with Snape, and Peter’s rat did little to assuage the Wolf’s anger, the Wolf turned on Remus.

Remus now had three long scars stretching across his face from where the Wolf had clawed him. They would forever serve as a reminder of that night. The story we were telling everyone was that the guys had been goofing around near the Whomping Willow and Remus had gotten too close. Because of Sirius! I made sure everyone knew it was Sirius’ fault.

Speaking of Sirius, I continued to avoid him. It’s lucky I had made new friends; it was much easier to avoid Sirius when I didn’t have to sit near him at meals.

I visited Remus everyday once term started back…to take him notes from lessons of course. Sometimes my visits were cut short. I left whenever Sirius came around with the guys.

 

**_14 January 1977_ **

“You’ll have to forgive him sooner or later,” Remus said one day towards the end of his stay.

“I know. I just want to make sure he’s punished enough.”

“He has been, trust me. A week without you is punishment enough. A two week break is torture.”

“Torture? Really?” I looked around us. There was no one else in the hospital that day and Madam Pomfrey was in her office in the back. “Was it torture not to do this?”

I stood and gave him a quick kiss. That’s all it was meant to be at least, but as I pulled back his hand caught the back of my head and he pulled me back down for a longer kiss; my stomach twisted in knots. It was the first time we’d been able to kiss like that since the start of holiday.

 

I finally forgave Sirius about a week later. I was at breakfast with Lily, Ruth, and Janice at the Ravenclaw table when mail arrived. Sirius had sent me a card that very loudly, and very publicly, proclaimed that he was an idiot and begged for my forgiveness. I figured after such a public proclamation and self-humiliation, he deserved a break.

The new term flew by quickly. According to the Professors, exams were just around the corner so they piled on the homework. Between that, the Ruins project, meeting with the girls, and the new apparition lessons we all signed up for, there wasn’t much free time.

Before either of us knew it, February and Valentine’s Day were upon us. Remus and I, however, couldn’t go to Hogsmeade that weekend. Only couples went to Hogsmeade on Valentine’s Day, and since Remus and I were only friends in the eyes of James we had no reason to go. With the aid of Lily and Janice, however, we were able to set up a clandestine dinner, much like our first one. It was perfect.

February was over in a flash and March and the Easter holiday followed quickly on its heels. Fleamont had long since recovered from his cold, so James, Sirius and I had all decided to go home for a visit. Remus and Peter were going home too. Holiday began just after Remus’ birthday.

 

**_10 March 1977_ **

“You’ll write to me, yes? Please say yes.” I wrapped my arms around his neck as his made their way around my waist.

“Yes,” he said with a laugh. “It will only be three weeks.”

“If two weeks was torture, what will three be?”

“Misery. Absolute and unbearable misery. We’ll have to get together sooner then.” He pushed some hair behind my ear. “I am going to miss you.”

I gave him a light kiss before shoving a blank piece of parchment into his chest. “Here, happy birthday. It took me a little while to work the charm just right. Don’t read it until you get home though.”

“Why not?”

“Because I won’t be able to stop doing this,” I kissed him again, “once you do.”

“It will be a little hard to hide that from James in the compartment”

“So, like I said…” I wrapped my arms a little tighter around his neck as his did the same to my waist. “Wait.”

We kissed again, and for a bit longer, before leaving the secret passage in different directions.

 

Easter holiday was harder than Christmas holiday. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed Potter’s Place.  It had a nice homey feel. I had my own room with a clear view of the stars, and James and Sirius were very entertaining. But I missed Remus dearly.

At least at Christmas I could see Remus every day and hear him talk, even if it wasn’t to me. But now I only had his letters to sustain me. We traded letters every day, though I claimed they were from Lily, or Ruth, or Janice, or one of the other girls. I didn’t think we would write every day, and I didn’t want to push it, but he kept responding as quickly as I did.

At night I would read over every letter again and keep them close as I slept. I was beginning to realize that Remus wasn’t just a boy I fancied and liked snogging. There was something much deeper between us. I didn’t say any of this in my letters though. It seemed like something that needed to be said in person.

 

**_20 March 1977_ **

One evening, a little over a week into our holiday, we were all sitting in the parlor after dinner. The old record player was playing what the Muggles called rock-n-roll; Euphemia liked to listen to it while knitting. She had once tried to teach me how to knit back in the summer between fourth and fifth year, but I didn’t have the coordination for it. The yarn kept tangling on my fingers and ended in a large knot. I discovered I’d rather read a book on knitting than actually knit.

“Mum, Dad, Sirius wants to know if we can go to London this week,” James said.

“Subtle, James, real subtle,” Sirius said. I smiled.

“Why do you want to go to London, Son?” Fleamont asked Sirius.

“Well, my Uncle Alphard had a flat there, and he sort of died earlier this year.”

“Sirius, I’m so sorry to hear that,” Euphemia said as she stopped knitting. I wasn’t really surprised he hadn’t said anything sooner. Sirius never spoke of his family.

“Thanks. I…I haven’t spoken to him in years. He was always a bit…odd. But it turns out he left the flat to me, along with some money. I’d like to go see it, and if it checks out, I could move in this summer. You’d finally have me out of your hair.”

“Well, seeing as how you are of age now, if that is what you would like to do then we support you, Son. But you should know that our door is always open for you. You have been the best son we could have asked for.” Fleamont chuckled.

“Oi! What about your actual son?” James protested.

“My original analysis withholds.”

We all laughed at James’ expense as he mumbled under his breath.

“Can I come along too? I’m running low on ink. Oh! We could owl the others too; maybe they could meet us at the Leaky Cauldron.” Remus of course, would be the first person I owled.

“Well, I was thinking that…” James began.

“I’ll owl Lily too; though, I can’t make any promises.”

“Sold.”

“When are you going to give it up, Mate? She’s never…”

Whatever Sirius was about to say, I missed. Another memory had come on suddenly and I was fighting to keep the pain away.

“Kate? Sweetheart, are you all right?” Euphemia asked, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Yes…yes I’m fine.”

“Was that another memory, Dear?”

I nodded my head; I was still trying to subdue the pain.

“That’s the third one this week. Maybe we should take you to St. Mungo’s and see if there is anything they can give you,” Fleamont said. For some reason, the memories had been coming on strong all week and I had no idea why.

“No! Please, I…I don’t want to go there. The last time I went there I stayed for nearly a year. Please, don’t make me go back. I’m fine, really.”

“Are you sure?”

“Fleamont, really,” Euphemia called him off.

“Alright, alright.”

“But you know, sweetheart, if there is anything we can do to help you, you need only ask.”

“Actually…there may be something you can help me with.”

“Anything, Dear,” Fleamont said eagerly.

“Well, I…I was wondering… Why do you call me ‘Kate?’” In all the memories I had regained, none of them ever had someone saying my name. “I mean, how did you know it was my name? When I woke up, I didn’t know anything. Everyone kept calling me Kate, so I figured it must be my name and I went with it. But how did you know?”

“To be perfectly honest, I didn’t know it was,” Fleamont confessed with a shrug. “But you seemed to respond to it, so we…went with it.”

“Well how did you get the name ‘Kate,’ Dad? Did you just pick a name at random?” James asked with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

“Kate was the name on her bracelet.”

“Do you mean my I.D. tag at the hospital?” I asked.

“No. I mean the little gold bracelet you were wearing when I found you.”

This was the first time I’d heard anything about a bracelet I’d been wearing. Something didn’t seem right. I wasn’t allowed to have things of my own, so where did the bracelet come from?

“I’m sorry, but I don’t remember ever having a bracelet. Do…do you still have it by chance?”

“Euphemia?” Fleamont asked, looking to his wife.

“Yes, I’m sure I have it somewhere. Let me go find it.”

She must have known right where it was, because she wasn’t gone long. When she returned I held my hand out eagerly. My heart was racing with a nervous excitement. This would be the first time I actually held something that was mine from my old life. Astrid’s Guide didn’t count because it was a different copy and not the same book.

Euphemia dropped the bracelet in my outstretched hand and…nothing happened. I turned the bracelet over, inspecting it. It was a simple gold plated chain; it wasn’t even real gold. There was nothing spectacular about it. It was rather plain actually. On the chain there hung a single gold charm, a star with the name ‘Kate’ engraved on it. It was as I was rubbing my thumb over the star that I suddenly found myself being transported in time.

 

_I was standing in a busy street, with little shops all around me. It was similar to Diagon Alley in a way, but there were Muggles around us. I was with my mother. When she turned around to look at me, it was the first time I got a good look at her face. (Usually if I saw her in a memory it was only the back of her head I saw.)_

_She had the same pale skin I had, and her eyes were the same shade of blue as mine. Her hair was like a dull ash color, and her face was lined with wrinkles that seemed as though they shouldn’t be there. I could see where she had been very pretty at one time, but life with my father had drained her of her own life and color._

_“Come along now, and stay close to me. There are a lot of nasty Muggles here, so you mustn’t tell your father we were here.” She took my hand and pulled me along after her._

_We went quickly from shop to shop buying what we needed; we were never in one shop for very long. I asked for a lollipop in one store, but she said I couldn’t have it. I asked for a pretty purple dress with blue lace in another. Again she said no, and she told me to stop asking for things._

_In one shop, while she was talking to the shop keeper, I stepped away from her. I didn’t go far; I could still see her and hear her. I walked away because I saw something shiny and I wanted a closer look._

_On a little table there was a display of tiny gold bracelets. I thought they were all so pretty. I picked one up to look at it closed and found that it had a little gold star on it. I knew then that I wanted it, my very own star. I wanted it more than the lollipop and more than the pretty purple dress with blue lace. I looked to where my mother still stood with the shop keeper. I was about to ask her if I could have the bracelet, but she had told me to stop asking for things and I feared she’d say no again. I really wanted the gold bracelet; I really wanted my own star._

_While mother wasn’t looking, I pulled off the piece of paper that was attached to it, and slid the bracelet over my wrist._

 

“I nicked it,” I whispered. I looked up at Euphemia and then at Fleamont. “I nicked it. I…I thought it was pretty, and I…I wanted it. So I nicked it. I was going to ask my mother for it, but I was afraid she’d so no again. I didn’t want her to say no, so I…”

I didn’t want to say it again. I dropped the bracelet on the table beside my chair like it suddenly burned my hand.

“I wanted it because of the star. I didn’t even know the name ‘Kate’ was on it.” The truth hit me like a load of bricks and I suddenly felt very lost. “My name isn’t even ‘Kate.’”

“Then what is it?” Sirius asked.

I shook my head. “I have no idea. They’ve never said my name in a memory. Mostly my father just calls me ‘girl’ or ‘child’ and it’s usually proceeded by an adjective like ‘stupid’ or ‘foolish.’”

“You are neither stupid nor foolish! Do you hear me, Kate Potter?” Fleamont said rising to his feet, voice raised to something slightly less than a yell. It was a tone he usually only reserved for James.

“You are the brightest witch of your age I have ever known, the top in your class,” he continued. That wasn’t quite true; Lily was the top girl in the class, but I didn’t correct him.

“And even if you were not, I’d love you just the same. Whoever your parents were before, they didn’t deserve you. Not that we necessarily deserve you either, but we know how lucky we are to have you in our life. The day we brought you home from hospital is one of the happiest days of my life. It’s right up there with the day we brought James into this world and the day I married your Mum.”

By the time Fleamont was finished, I was blubbering like an idiot. I stood on shaky legs and made my way over and hugged him. Euphemia joined us.

“He’s right you know,” she said softly, and I knew she was struggling with her own tears. “We love you, and we couldn’t have a more perfect, or a more beautiful daughter than if we’d created her.”

James came over and joined in to, without a word. He didn’t need to say anything for me to know that he felt the same. The four of us stood there for a while, holding each other close.

Then Sirius piped in with, “Potter Family Hug!” He jumped to his feet and nearly barreled us over with the force with which he hugged us. With him he brought some much needed laughter.

“How about I make us all some hot chocolate?” Euphemia asked.

“Will you make it with milk instead of water?” I asked weakly.

“Of course sweetheart.” She kissed my forehead and walked to the kitchen.

 


	22. Persephone

**Persephone**

**_24 March 1977_ **

I was giddy with excitement, and jittery with anticipation. It was Friday, and James, Sirius, and I were going to London. That alone was not enough to make me so excited, but the simple fact that Remus was going to meet us there was more enough. I had owled him immediately following my hot chocolate. His response was quick and simple: Yes.

I was also slightly nervous because it would be the first time apparating after taking the test. The three of us stood in the center of the parlor. I was muttering the Three D’s to myself while Sirius was laughing at me.

“I don’t want to get splinched; is that so wrong?”

Sirius just laughed harder. “Last one there buys ice-cream!” And in a blink he was gone.

James and I quickly looked at each other, before we both took a step and disapperated. Immediately it felt like my whole body was being forced into a very thin, very long, and very twisty pipe. I was being pushed, pulled, and stretched in all directions. It’s a good thing we all decided to bypass breakfast so as to meet sooner. I don’t think I would have kept my breakfast otherwise.

We landed in a discreet alley just outside of the Leaky Cauldron; Sirius was nowhere in sight. We took off sprinting for the Cauldron doors. I was right on James’ heels, ready to surpass him, when he suddenly fired a leg-locking curse at me. Fortunately his aim was off and he missed. Still, the moment I took to try and dodge his spell cost me; I fell behind.

I ran through the doors a few steps behind James. Sirius was already inside, leaning back in a chair with his hands behind his head. Lily was there too. James threw his hand on the table a mere second before I did.

“What took you so long?” Sirius asked lazily.

“You cheated,” I said between breaths. “You both did.”

“Me? What did I do?” Sirius asked.

“Don’t play coy with me. You left before we agreed to race. And you…” I turned to James. “You tried to hit me with a leg-lock.”

“What? Me? No. There was a bug on your shoulder; I was trying to knock it off for you.”

“A bug? On my shoulder? That you saw while you were ahead of me?”

“Ah-hah! So you admit that I was ahead of you.”

“Oh you little…”

“Hi, Kate!” Lily said loudly, stepping up beside me.

“Hi, Lily,” I replied after a short pause.

“As entertaining as it would be to see you face off with James, how about we go splash some water on your face to cool you down? Hmm?”

My attention was diverted for a moment as another, older, wizard entered the Cauldron. I didn’t recognize him, but he seemed to look at me a little strangely.

“Yeah…sure”

James settled in at the table with Sirius while Lily and I made our way to the girl’s lavatory.

“I’m glad you could make it, Lily.”

“I’m glad I could help,” she said with a strange smile. Before I could ask her what she meant, Lily opened the bathroom door and we stepped in.

“Now, I can only give you a minute, two max,” she said.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, looking at her as I backed into the room.

She was still smiling strangely. “Do you understand?”

“No.”

“I understand; thank you,” a voice suddenly said from behind me.

I spun around with a surprised gasp. Remus was standing in the middle of the room. I ran forward and threw my arms around his neck, and to my great surprise, he lifted me off my feet and spun me around. I didn’t notice Lily backing out of the room and closing the door.

“How did you become more beautiful in the two weeks we’ve been apart?” he asked once he’d put me back on my feet.

“Don’t tease.” I shoved him lightly.

“I’m not; I swear.” He pushed the hair away from my face.

“What are you doing in the middle of the girl’s bathroom?”

“I wanted a moment alone with you, and I didn’t think we’d get it otherwise. Once you owled me that Lily was coming, I owled her for help.”

“I think I’m beginning to love her as much as James does.”

“Should I be worried?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Not at all,” I murmured, leaning in a little closer.

There was a light tap on the door behind us.

“We don’t have much longer,” Remus whispered softly.

“Then we better be quick.” I whispered even softer.

We kissed. And it was spectacular. And it was amazing. And it was…cut short by Lily tapping on the door again.

“I should be going,” Remus said against my lips.

“No, you really shouldn’t,” I protested.

Remus chuckled as he pried my arms off of him. “I’ll see you, soon. I promise.”

He kissed me again, quickly, as Lily opened the door. As I turned to look back at her, Remus disapperated.

“Thank you,” I said. “I needed that, however…” I placed my hands to my flushed cheeks. “Now I can’t stop smiling. Do you know of a frowning jinx?”

Lily laughed. “Sorry, I don’t think I can help you with that. Try some water on your face for real; maybe that will help?”

I was never much a fan of my face being wet when nothing else was, maybe it was a feline thing, but I figured I could always blast some air on my face to day off. So I did as Lily suggested. It helped…a little. When Lily and I returned to the dining area, Remus was there with the guys.

“Alright, so the gang’s all here; shall we order?” Sirius asked.

“Wait, aren’t you missing someone?” Lily asked. Sirius and James looked at each other confused for a moment before Lily continued. “Where’s Peter?”

“Oh, Pete said he wouldn’t be able to make it today,” I answered.

“Like I said, food.” Sirius waved over the waitress so we could order.

 

After swallowing a dry steak and kidney pie, we headed to Diagon Alley for a bit of shopping…and ice-cream. I grumbled again about how it was unfair that I had to buy the ice-cream when both James and Sirius had cheated. I even pointed out that technically Remus had been the last to arrive. Sirius said Remus didn’t count because he didn’t know about the race, but he failed to listen when I said that James and I didn’t know about it either until he’d disapperated.

We spent nearly three hours messing around in Diagon Alley before deciding to make our way to North London to see the flat. London, of course has a very dense Muggle population, so we decided to take the underground to avoid magical exposure. Of course, that was crowded too. All five of us ended up giving up our seats to someone else. Remus ended up standing next to me; I was constantly bumping into him, so he placed a hand on my back to steady me.

I couldn’t help but notice there was one gentleman on the train that seemed rather uncomfortable at the close quarters, if the sneer on his face said anything.

I found the underground to be very hot and stuffy. There was a low heat that rose from my gut to the top of my head; although, that may have had more to do with Remus’ hand on the small of my back than the underground itself. I loved the way his hand felt on my back. Still, I was very glad when we arrived at our station. I discovered I didn’t much like being underground.

We still had to walk from the station to the flat. It had been hours since we ate at the Cauldron, but unfortunately none of us had enough Muggle money to both buy food and a ticket back on the underground. So we pooled our money together and ordered a couple of pizzas. Since it was such a nice day we decided to sit outside.

“Can we get…”

“No!” Sirius said, quickly cutting me off. “We are not getting anchovies.”

“I was going to ask for pineapple, but thanks. Now I do want anchovies.”

“Anchovies?” Lily turned her nose up in disgust.

“You’ve obviously never had them on pizza before.”

“And with good reason,” Sirius said. “Pizza should be good, not loaded with dead fish.”

“Hamburger is a dead cow. Bacon is a dead pig,” I argued back.

“Yeah, but they don’t still look like a cow or a pig. Anchovies still have a tail.”

“He’s got a point, Kate,” Remus said. I wanted to argue back, but found myself unable to do so against Remus.

“Ha! Thanks for the support, Moony.”

“Oh go fetch a bone,” I said.

“He probably can’t find the hole he buried it in,” Remus said. I guess he felt he had to make it up to me.

Everyone at the table laughed except for Lily, who just seemed confused. I began to wonder if we should tell her our secret, since she already knew Remus’. I tried to catch James’ eye and nod my head at her. He was smart; I knew it wouldn’t take much for him to figure it out. He leaned over and whispered something in Sirius’ ear before doing the same to Remus. They nodded and stood up.

“We’ll be right back,” James said. “Go ahead and order.”

“No anchovies!” Sirius called over his shoulder.

“What are they up to?” Lily asked.

“Probably top-secret, Marauders-ears-only stuff.”

“Do they still call themselves that?”

“Yeah, but they’re they only ones who do.” We both laughed.

The guys weren’t gone long, but by the time they returned the waiter had already come by for our order.

“So what did you get us?” Sirius asked.

I grinned.

“You didn’t? Ugh! Kate why?”

“You shouldn’t have teased earlier.”

“Did you really?” Remus asked. Again I just grinned so he asked Lily.

“You know, I think people should always try something new.”

“Oh, Lily, and I thought so highly of you,” James said.

“Who are you kidding, Prongs? You still do,” Sirius said.

“True,” he admitted, with a casual shrug.

“So,” I began. “Did you come to a unanimous decision, or save it for another day?”

“It wasn’t quite unanimous; it was two to one, but…”

“Peter’s not here. We don’t know how he’d vote,” Sirius interjected.

“He’ll do whatever the majority does,” James retorted. “Am I safe to assume that you would be for it, Kate?”

“What? Me? I have a say in it?”

“Well it does involve you as well,” Remus replied.

“What the blazes are you four going on about?” Lily asked.

“Kate?” James asked me, uncharacteristically ignoring Lily.

“Yes. I’m for it.”

“Right, thought so.” He turned his attention to Lily. It was rather strange to see James acting so serious for once, but I knew he didn’t take the matter of his friends’ safety lightly.

“So here’s the thing, Lily,” he said. “You know about Remus’, well… about his fury friend.”

“Do we have to call it a friend?” Remus protested.

“Fine, then you know about his…”

“Lycanthropy?” Lily suggested. “Yes I know about that. I pieced it together sometime during fourth year.”

I gave an unintentional soft laugh.

“What? Why? When did you figure it out?”

“First year,” I said sheepishly. “What? I love astronomy. I told you, when you watch the stars as much as I do, you notice certain patterns.”

“So, you were saying?” Lily turned her attention back to James.

“Well you know about Remus, so we thought we’d tell you about us. We’re Animagi.”

“You’re…what?”

“Animagi,” James said sounding confused. “An Animagus is…”

“I know what an Animagus is, James, but… Really? All three of you?” She looked at me.

“Well, all four of us actually,” I replied.

“Peter too? But that’s…that’s really advanced magic. It’s supposed to be really hard to accomplish.”

“Well, it’s complicated and time consuming. And it very well hurt the first few times we changed, but it was actually much easier than I thought it would be,” I said.

“But why would you risk it? Never mind the risk with the transforming alone, but you do know it’s punishable by a stint in Azkaban for being unregistered.”

“See, I told you we shouldn’t have told her,” Sirius said.

“Lilly won’t tell on us, will you?” James said.

“I…no, of course not. But I still don’t understand why.”

“We did it for Moony, here.” James clapped Remus on the shoulder. “We did it so he wouldn’t have to be alone during the full moon. The wolf’s not so bad when he’s with animals like him.”

“All of you?” She looked back at me again, but before I could respond Remus jumped in and answered for me.

“NO!”

“Kate’s never been out with us,” James said.

“And I’ve come to terms with that, mostly. Though, I still say you don’t know what you’re missing.”

“But I know what you’re missing, and that’s good enough for me,” Remus said. Perhaps we were never going to agree on that matter.

“So what are you? I mean what are your animals? Wait! Let me guess. Sirius, you’re…you’re a…dog.”

I laughed. “Must be the smell that gave it away.”

“Or the ‘go fetch a bone’ you said earlier, or the dog biscuits you gave him for Christmas. That makes so much sense now. So then that must make you, some sort of cat.”

“‘Some sort of cat?’ I’m a great cat. I am _the_ cat.”

“A lion?” she sounded impressed.

“Ok, so maybe not _that_ great cat, but still pretty great in my opinion. I’m a black leopard.”

“Leo the Leopard.”

“Which is slightly ironic because the constellation Leo is actually a lion; though, I doubt Sirius knew that when he gave me the name.”

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.”

“He didn’t,” James and Remus answered together.

“And James, you’re a…Oh what is it they call you?...”

“Prongs,” I said.

“Right, Prongs, which implies something with antlers… Oh god. Please tell me you’re a moose.”

“A moose? A moose? Do I look like a moose to you?”

“Please just lie and say you are.”

“Lie to you? Never! I’m a stag.”

“Oh,” Lily groaned and dropped her head into her hands. “Why?”

“Lily? What’s so bad about James being a stag?” I asked.

“I don’t want to say.”

“Oh now you have to tell,” Sirius said.

Lily bit her lip. “Bambi was my favorite movie as a child.”

Remus laughed but the rest of us didn’t.

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked.

“Bambi?” she said. “None of you have heard of Bambi?”

“It’s a Muggle kids movie,” Remus said.

“Yes, but, you know about it.”

“My Mum’s a Muggle,” he said with a shrug. “Best of both worlds.”

“What’s this movie about?” I asked.

“If you don’t tell, Lily, I’ll have to,” Remus threatened.

Lily groaned but relented. “It’s about… it’saboutayoungdeernamedBambi…”

“What?”

“It’s about a young deer named Bambi, and because of it the deer has always been my favorite animal.”

“Oh, Lily!” James said with wide, dreamy eyes. “It’s fate; you can’t deny it anymore. We’re meant to be together. You love deer; I’m a stag. How can it be any plainer? You must go with me to Hogsmeade now. One day, that’s all I ask for. Just give me one date that will blow you away, guaranteed. If not then I swear, I’ll never pester you again.”

We all waited for Lily to say ‘no,’ but she never did. What she did say shocked us all.

“We’ll see.”

“Yes!” James shouted as he leapt to his feet and threw his hands in the air.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” I said softly.

“I didn’t say ‘yes,’” Lily defended.

“But you didn’t say ‘no’ either, and that’s a victory in my book.”

“James, please sit down; you’re drawing attention to us.”

Our pizza arrived just as James returned to his seat.

“Oh, Kate, you sly trickster!” Sirius exclaimed when he saw there were no anchovies.

“Please, Sirius, anchovies are nasty. I much prefer tuna or salmon.”

“On pizza?”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re such a troll sometimes.”

 

The pizza was good; though, we had to ask for a box to carry it in almost immediately so we could make it to the meeting on time. Along the way Lily asked us more about our Animagi. I admitted that my Leo, as I called her, was a little mad at me at the moment because I haven’t let her out in a long time. I used to change regularly while I was on the tower star gazing, but since I haven’t been back since the attack, she hasn’t been out.

The flat was in an affluent community near the Highgate Cemetery. It looked like an entirely different city than the part of London we were in earlier. From our elevated location, it almost felt like we were looking down on everyone in the city. When I said as much aloud, Sirius said that was probably one of the draws for his Uncle.

The building itself was set apart from other buildings and took up almost a whole block. The Landlady that met us there was a witch also, and she said there were a few other wizards that lived in the building she managed; her Muggle partner handled the Muggle clients. She also said that Sirius’ flat was on the third floor from the top and took up the whole floor.

Sirius decided we didn’t all need to go up. He and James would go, of course. Then at the last minute he decided to take Lily along too, likely due to James’ pleading. Remus and I found ourselves alone…again.

“How did we get so lucky?” I asked as we walked around the side of the building.

“I was just about to ask the same thing with one slight modification. How did _I_ get so lucky?”

He spun me around so that I was facing him. His hands traveled to my waist, as he pulled me close. Our heads tilted towards one another. We stood there a moment, just breathing each other in.

“Tell me about this memory that upset you so much,” he said at last. I’d mentioned in one of my letters the memory with the bracelet. So I gave him the details then.

“I don’t even know my name, Remus. I don’t know who I am.”

“You are…” He tucked some hair behind my ear and tilted my chin up to look me in the eye. “‘A rose by any other name.’”

“Are you turning poetic on me?”

He chuckled. “It means, it doesn’t matter what your name is. A name does not define the person, but a person defines the name.”

A feeling unimaginable and incapable of description overwhelmed me. I knew what I was feeling for Remus was real. How could it be anything else?”

“Remus, I…”

Suddenly the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, like whiskers alerting me to danger. My body tensed. Remus felt it too, and diverted his attention over my shoulder. As he shifted his head, I could see behind him.

“Kate, get behind me,” he said lowly.

“It won’t make a difference,” I replied.

There were two people dressed in long, black robes standing behind Remus. I spun around to find three more behind me. They all wore hoods that covered their eyes and hid their faces in shadow. All but one that is.

“You?”

“Kate? Do you know him?”

“No, but… but I think he’s been following us. He was in the Leaky Cauldron, and he was on the underground. And…and I think I saw him at the pizza parlor too.”

The man sneered. “That train was full of filthy Muggles. How I got the misfortune of following you all day, I may never know. Fortunately, my trouble is nearly over. Come with us, and your _friends_ won’t be harmed. We’ve no desire to spill magical blood, unnecessarily.”

“Like hell she’s going with you,” Remus said taking my hand. Then he whispered to me. “Kate, we need to apparate out of here. You need to go home, now.”

“What about James?” I asked.

“They’re not after James. They want you for some reason.”

“I’m not leaving him, Remus. I can’t.” I pulled my hand from his before he could force me away. “What floor did she say they were on? Third from the top?”

“Come with us now, child,” the man said.

“Remus?” I could feel him shift his body so as to get a better view of the people behind us, and I knew he’d stay and fight with me. I think they sensed we were about to fight too. I could see their stances flex a bit, but they didn’t attack.

“Don’t do anything foolish now.”

“I. Am. Not. Foolish!” I said pointedly.

I took a deep breath to steady my nerves. Then I shot up a jet of red sparks to Sirius’ floor before quickly firing a disarming spell at the man. Instantly they began firing back Remus took on the two behind us while I focused on our front. They really didn’t seem interested in hurting us too badly as the spells they fired were rather easy to deflect. However, they were more skilled at fighting than we were. I ducked, barely missing a spell that would have hit my head when suddenly one of them, who had not been participating in the fight, ran into the midst of firing.

“Stop! Stop! Don’t hurt her!”

They all stopped firing immediately and lowered their wands; Remus and I kept our wands up and ready to fire. I looked to where Remus was, to make sure he was alright. We had separated during the fight. I turned my attention back to the person in the center just as they lowered their hood.

It was a woman. It was a woman with pale skin, dull ashy hair, and bright blue eyes.

“Come along now, Persephone, and be a good girl,” she said as she held her hand out to me.

“What…what did you call me?”

Before she could say anything more though, I was bombarded with memories. They were all short lived, lasting no more than a second each, and they were various in style and nature. Running up a hill laughing—hiding in a closet in fear—dancing in a kitchen covered in flour—cowering in a corner…

I grasped my head at the rush of memories and fell to my knees as I cried out.

“Kate!” Remus rushed over to help me.

“Get away from her!” The woman yelled, and with a loud bang she fired a spell at Remus that sent him flying backwards violently.

“Remus!” I called. I tried to get over to him, but I was grabbed from behind.

“No! Remus! Get off me!” I struggled against my captor but their hold did not break. “Remus!” I called for him over and over, but he lay unmoving.

“NOOO!” I cried. “No, Remus, please get up. Please, Remus…”

He never moved. The last thing I saw before disapperating, was the distant, blank stare on Remus’ face and his unmoving body.


	23. Lost Star

**Lost Star**

 

Lily Evans walked around the luxurious, yet creepy flat alone. Sirius and James were off talking to the Landlady, no doubt Sirius was trying to sweet talk her a bit too. She had no idea why Sirius had decided to drag her along as well. When she asked him, he only smirked and said, ‘Oh you know why.’ If she knew why, then she wouldn’t have asked. She was about to ask him if he somehow knew about Kate and Remus, but thought better of it. More than likely he had brought her along for James’ sake.

Lily was glad she had decided to stay at Hogwarts that Christmas. She finally got to know the dorm-mate that had previously eluded her. Not that Lily hadn’t tried to get to know Kate very early on; Kate, however, had secluded herself. She either wanted to be alone and turned down all attempts by Lily to join her and the other girls, or she was surrounded by James and his friends.

Lily was pleasantly surprised to learn there was more to Kate than a quiet bookworm who loved the stars. She was actually a very talented witch who excelled at Transfiguration and Charms. She also had a playful, teasing side, which, Lily assumed, was likely picked up from spending all her time with the likes of James and Sirius.

It was clear to Lily just how much Kate cared for Remus, and he for her. Lily had first noticed the marked change in Remus towards the end of November. He seemed almost chipper on their patrols. Remus had always been good-spirited, laughing and smiling frequently, but there was a little something extra to his good spirits in those days. The way Kate and Remus had been looking at each other all day, Lily was surprised that James hadn’t figured them out. Then again, it was James so she really wasn’t that surprised.

Lily was strolling by the darkened windows when she saw it. A stream of red sparks had made their way up and were going off like fireworks. She moved the shades aside and looked down at the world below.

“James!”

Lily turned from the window and found James and Sirius halfway across the flat. James looked up at the sound of his name; his hair was askew and he wore a smile on his face.

“Lily!” he shouted in return. “Ready to confess your undying lo…”

“Kate and Remus are in trouble!” Lily cut across him.

“Trouble how?”

“They’re being attacked.”

Without further hesitation, both James and Sirius took off sprinting for the stairs leaving Lily to apologize to the Landlady. By the time Lily reached the staircase, James and Sirius were already two floors down.

“James!” She called after him, but he kept running.

Lily ran down as fast as she could. Though she was young and in relatively good condition, she was no match for two teenage boys who chased after a werewolf every full moon, let alone two teenage boys who took the stairs two or three at a time to reach their sister.

“James Potter! Would you stop for one blasted moment and listen to me!”

“What?” James yelled, finally halting for a moment.

“You’re a wizard,” Lily said simply before apparating outside.

 

Lily arrived just outside the building. James and Sirius arrived a second later.

“Where did you see them?” James asked.

“They were…”

BANG

“…over there.”

The three young wizards took off in the direction of the blast. They rounded the corner in time to see six figures disapperate, leaving one body on the ground.

“KATE!” James quickly fired a spell at one of the disappearing figures but missed.

“Oh God, Remus!”

Lily ran to the motionless body left behind. She placed two fingers on his wrist on two on his neck.

“Is he…” Sirius couldn’t get the words out.

“He’s alive; I can feel his pulse. He’s just out cold,” Lily said.

“Ahhh!” James cried out as he fell to his knees. With tears falling from under his glasses he looked at the others. “They took Kate.”

 

At St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, Lily Evans and Sirius Black sat around the bedside of Remus Lupin. James Potter leaned against the wall across from Remus’ bed. The Landlady, Sonya, arrived at the scene outside the building shortly after the three friends had. Sonya alerted the proper authority and help arrived quickly for the young wizard. At the hospital his family had been notified.

“Where is he? Where is my son?” An aged, balding wizard came into the room with his frail, but pretty wife.

Sirius quickly jumped to his feet. “Mr. and Mrs. Lupin, he’s over here.”

“Oh my sweet boy,” Hope said as she took up Sirius’ empty chair. She gently brushed some hair away from Remus’ eyes.

As though knowing his Mum had arrived, Remus slowly opened his eyes and looked at her.

“Mum,” he whispered.

Hope smiled. “I’m here, Remus. I’m right here. You’re Dad’s here too.” She stroked a hand down his cheek gently.

Suddenly his eyes widened. “Kate!” He tried to sit up but howled in pain.

“Whoa, take it easy, Moony,” Sirius said as he gently pushed him back down. “The Doc said you broke a couple of ribs. They fixed ‘em, of course, but you’re going to be a bit sore still.”

“I don’t care,” he said, biting through the pain as he sat up. “Where’s, Kate? Is she alright?”

“She’s gone,” James said bitterly as he pushed off the wall. “They took her.”

Remus fell back on the bed as James’ words washed over him. He began to cry, but not from his pain.

“How could you let them take her?”

“James!” both Lily and Sirius admonished.

“You should have got her out of there,” James continued.

“I tired,” Remus said through his tears.  “She…she wouldn’t le—leave you.”

“You should have made her!”

“Enough, Prongs! When’s the last time you made Kate do anything? You know she’s as stubborn as a cat,” Sirius said.

“Now you listen here, boy,” Lyle said, turning to James. “I am sorry your sister is missing, but that doesn’t excuse your behavior. And you’re upsetting my wife.”

Hope was indeed upset, but it had less to do with James’ attitude and more to do with her own son’s tears. Remus’ worst fears were coming to light. The girl he loved was missing, it was entirely his fault, and he was losing one of his best friends.

“Sorry, Mrs. Lupin,” James said softly before fleeing the room.

“James! Where are you going?” Sirius made to follow after him but Lily intervened.

“I’ll go after him. You stay with Remus,” she said. Then she leaned in so that only he could hear her. “He really needs to know his friends aren’t abandoning him.”

Sirius nodded and returned to Remus’ side.

 

James left the room at a brisk walk. He knew he was being rude in front of Mrs. Lupin. He knew anything he had to say to Remus should have waited until they were alone. But he couldn’t help it; the words came tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them. And he shouldn’t be blamed for it. His sister was missing.

“James,” Lily called after him.

James ducked inside an unused room and waited for her to join him. Lily closed the door behind her.

“If you’re going to tell me to turn around and apologize to Remus, let me save you the time. I’m not doing it.”

“I…I wasn’t going to say that; though, I think you should.” Lily was taken aback. This was a different James than the one she knew.

James scoffed in disbelief.

“They’re going to find her, James. Dumbledore and the Aurors are out there looking for her as we speak. They will find her. In the meantime, do you really think she’d want you acting like this? She wouldn’t have wanted you to turn on your friend.”

“Oh? You’ve been friends with her for all of three months so you know just what she’d want? Is that it?”

Lily took a step back as her own temper began to flare.

“You’re right, James. I haven’t been friends with her as long as you have, but yes, I know that she would want you to stick by your friends. If I know that from only three months, then how much more do you know about her?”

“I know that she’s terrified of losing me and our parents, and yet somehow…she’s the bravest person I know,” he said. “She’d risk life and limb to see that we were alright. I know she hated the idea of meeting with the other girls that had been attacked; she hated the thought of having to re-live that night. Yet she met with them anyways on the off chance that _she_ might be able to help _them_ ; she never expected them to help her.

“I know that each new memory she gets is more than just a memory. I know she feels the pain associated with it all over again. She tries to hide it from me, but I know. …And I know that right now…right now she’s all alone and she needs me more than ever. … There is nothing in this world that I wouldn’t do for her…but right now…there is..” James was fighting off tears. “There is nothing I can do for her.”

“That’s…that’s not true,” Lily said softly as she approached him. “You can be strong for her. You can have faith that she will be found, and trust that she is taking care of herself. You can not give up on her.”

James could say no more. He could only break down and cry. Lily was there for him. She wrapped her arms around him and let him cry on her shoulder.

 

Back in his room at the hospital, Remus lay in bed with thoughts of Kate running through his mind. He’d finally stopped crying after the nurse had given him a calming draught, but he couldn’t sleep. His parents had stepped out for a moment to speak with the doctor. His Mum didn’t want to leave his side of course, but Sirius promised to stay with him.

“You should tell him, Mate,” Sirius said. Remus looked at him, but didn’t say anything. “You should tell James you’re mad for her.”

Remus looked away, feeling as though he could cry again. “I don’t…” he choked on the words. Now he understood what Kate meant when she said she couldn’t deny them.

“You’ve had puppy eyes for her since fourth year, man, I know. You should tell James; he’d understand.”

“I can’t,” Remus shook his head. “I can’t tell him; she didn’t want him to know. And you can’t tell him either.”

“Ah, Remus, don’t make me do that.”

“You owe me, Sirius. For the stunt you pulled on Snape. You said you’d owe me.”

“Is this really what you want to use that for? I was thinking more like a wild night on the town, just the two of us and lots of birds.”

“Sirius, promise me you won’t tell James that I’m in love his sister.”

“ _In_ love? Really?

“Promise me.”

“Alright, alright. I promise I won’t tell, but you’re wrong about this. I want to go on record with that.”

“It’s recorded.”

The door opened then and Remus’ parents returned, along with Fleamont and Euphemia Potter. They were accompanied by Albus Dumbledore.

“Professor Dumbledore!” Sirius rose to his feet. “Did you…” he began, but one look at the Potters gave him the answer.

Kate was still missing.

“I’m afraid I have not,” Dumbledore said, sighing with great sadness. “But I heard Mr. Lupin was awake, and I came to see for myself how he was doing.”

“I’m here, Sir,” Remus said, pushing himself up, though he was still in a good bit of pain.

“I see that, and I see that you are being well tended to,” the old Professor said as Hope took up her seat on Remus’ side once more.

“You want an account of what happened, don’t you, Sir?”

“Only when you are ready, Mr. Lupin. Your health is just as important.”

“We’ll have to agree to disagree on that, Sir. Nothing is more important than finding Kate right now.”

Dumbledore smiled and drew up his own chair to sit at the foot of Remus’ bed. Remus knew that Dumbledore wasn’t interested in the Cauldron or the underground. He wanted to know what happened at the flat. So that’s where he began his tale.

“We all went to London, to see Sirius’ new flat. It was in the north, over near Highgate Cemetery. When we got there, we decided we didn’t all need to go up. Kate and I stayed outside, while the others went in.”

“Why did you decide to separate? We told James to be careful, to stick together before he left,” Fleamont said.

“I’m afraid that’s my fault, Sir,” Sirius said. “The flat had belonged to my Uncle. He may not have been as bad as my parents, but I didn’t know what propaganda he might have left behind. I knew how Kate felt about the blood supremacy thing, and with Remus’…situation, I didn’t want them to see that side of the Black Legacy.

“I took Lily up with us because…” Sirius looked to Remus for a moment. “Well I took her for James. He’s been chasing after her for years and she finally seemed to be coming around a bit. I was just trying to help a Mate out, you know.”

“Right, so while they were up in the flat,” Remus began. “Kate and I were walking around outside. She told me about her latest memory. She was upset because she didn’t know her real name. I told her it didn’t matter. I told her that a person’s character defines the name, and not the other way around.”

“That is very wise, Mr. Lupin,” Dumbledore said.

“Well, I’ve had good role models, Professor.” Remus replied. “It was after that they showed up.”

“And who were they?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve never met one before, but I think they may have been Death Eaters, or at least followers of Who-Know-Who. They must have apparated in. There were five of them and all but one kept their faces covered. Kate recognized the one that didn’t cover his face. She said he’d been following us all day.”

“And was he following you?”

“I don’t know, Sir. I may have seen him on the underground, but I can’t be certain. If Kate said she saw him, though, I believe her. She’s very observant; she figured me out in first year.”

Dumbledore smiled. “What did the man want?”

“He wanted Kate. He said, if she went with them then they wouldn’t harm us. I don’t know why he wanted her. I tried to get her out of there. I grabbed her hand told her we needed to apparate...I tried to take her home.”

Remus covered his face with his right hand, while his mother gently patted the other. He could feel the tears beginning to fall again, and he saw the grief in Euphemia’s eyes when he looked at her.

“It’s alright sweetheart,” Hope said. “You can finish this later.”

“No! No I need to do it now.” Remus took a deep breath before beginning again.

“I tried, but she wouldn’t leave. She pulled away from me. She said she couldn’t leave James. And then she…she started the fight. She fired warning sparks up to Sirius’ flat, hoping to alert them, and then she disarmed the guy that had been following us.”

“She started the wand fire?” Fleamont asked, sounding surprised.

“Yes, Sir,” Remus nodded.

“I’d believe it,” Sirius said. “You know, I almost feel bad for the people that took her. It won’t end well for them. Kate won’t give up on trying to escape.”

“Let us hope not, Mr. Black,” Dumbledore said. “What happened next?”

“We exchanged fire for a bit. I was focused on the two behind us so I couldn’t see what Kate was doing. Then someone yelled stop, and they did. When I looked back around there was a woman standing in the middle of the cross-fire, and she…She looked a little like Kate. She called her Persephone and told her to be a good girl. The name seemed to do something to Kate, Sir.”

“How do you mean?” Dumbledore asked.

“I think it struck a cord with her. She seemed to remember something. I went to check on her, but… Everything just goes black after that. The next thing I remember, I’m waking up here and Kate... Kate’s gone, and....” The tears were becoming too much to control again, but Remus pushed on. “I…I think the woman may have been her Mum.”

 

Remus was released from hospital by that same evening and he returned home with his parents. Lily also returned home, and James and Sirius returned to Potter’s Place. It was a very somber weekend for everyone.

The following week wasn’t much better. There was still no word on Kate, despite the efforts of Dumbledore and his Order. Remus kept in touch with Lily and Sirius, but James wouldn’t respond to his owls.

By the time school started back, Kate was still missing. The Professors carried on with classes as normal, but they were all aware of the empty seat that her absence presented. Peter seemed particularly put out that Kate had been kidnapped and nobody thought to tell him.

 

**_6 April 1977_ **

When the night of the first full moon arrived, Remus was in the Shrieking Shack like normal. Sirius and Peter were there too; ready to make the change with him. Before the process could begin, they were joined by a mop of messy hair and red-rimmed eyes covered by glasses.

“Prongs, glad you could make it,” Sirius greeted.

“I…I wasn’t sure if you’d come,” Remus said.

“Neither was I, ‘til now. I’m here for her…This is where she’d want me to be tonight,” James said.

As a stream of moonlight began to run across the floor, James, Sirius, and Peter turned into their respective animals. Remus’ transformation was slower, and more painful. It began with his eyes dilating to large black saucers. Then he could feel his bones begin to shift and break as they slide over one another. His shoulders hunched, and his head grew longer. His hands and his feet curled into clawed paws. For the first time in twelve years, Remus felt he deserved the pain that came with transforming.

When the change was complete, the wolf let out a pitiful howl that echoed through the dusty shack.

 


	24. Defining a Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter does depict a bit of torture.

**Defining a Name**

I awoke in a cold, damp room. I was lying, tucked in, on a small bed. There was a single table beside me with a lamp, a picture in a frame, and my wand. The picture showed a family of three in front of an old house. The girl in the picture…it was the little girl from my nightmares. I found the picture unsettling and flipped it face down as I grabbed my wand. To my left there was a solid stone wall with a single window painted on it depicting a sunny day. There were no actual windows anywhere in the room. There were, however, two doors; one sat in the furthest corner from the bed, and the other sat atop a wooden staircase.

I threw back the covers and began sprinting towards the stairs. My bare feet slapped against the cold stone floor. I paused about halfway there to take in my strange clothing. I wasn’t wearing the jeans and jumper I had put on before leaving the Potter’s. Instead, I was dressed in some child-like night dress that looked like it had been stretched with ‘engorgio.’

I decided to deal with that later and continued on towards the stairs. The door at the top was locked, of course it would be. I tried using my wand to unlock it, but the door knob only glowed a bright red for a moment before turning a golden-bronze again. And when I tried to open it again it was hot to the touch. There was more than one way out of a door.

I stepped down a few steps, pointed my wand at the center of the door, and yelled.

“Bombarda!”

The spell bounced off the door and came back at me. I managed to throw myself flat against the stairs just in time. I remained there while the spell continued to bounce off the walls before dissipating. I ran back down the stairs and decided to not use the door at all.

I stood at the foot of the stairs, with a clear picture in my mind of where I wanted to be. I stepped, turned…and fell to the floor roughly. Picking myself up, I tried again with the same outcome. I’d fallen like this before when first learning to apparate, but this felt different. It wasn’t simply failing to apparate. It was like I was hitting a stone wall first and then falling to the ground. I looked around the room. There must have been some type of magical barrier around the room preventing any magic from getting through.

Fine! Then I wouldn’t use magic at all. I ran back up the stairs and began pounding on the door with my fists. I would break the door down the Muggle way if I had to. Though the pounding made a lot of noise, it did little else. After a while my hands began stinging something fierce. I tried to push on, but the pain soon became too much. The door stood as impenetrable as it did before, but along the curve of fists tiny welts were appearing. My efforts had done nothing but to burn me.

That wasn’t entirely true, as I heard the distant sound of someone approaching the door. I decided I didn’t want whoever it was to know I’d been trying to escape just yet. So I quickly made my way back to the center of the room.

The door knob turned slowly before swinging outward and a woman entered carrying a tray. She carefully carried it over to the table by the bed, while the door closed quickly and locked behind her. She didn’t seem to notice me standing in the middle of the room at all, but I noticed her. Her ashy hair trailed down her back to her waist. She wore plain, simple robes. When she stood a little straighter and turned to face me. I recognized her at once as the woman from my memories. She was the woman outside Sirius’ building, and she was the woman in the photo.

She was my mother.

 

She smiled broadly. Though her smile seemed genuine, her eyes had a slight glossy and dazed look about them.

“Persephone…” She reached out a hand to touch my cheek. I pulled back, but that didn’t stop her. She stepped closer and placed a cold, bony hand on my cheek.

“My how you have grown. You mustn’t do that again. You mustn’t run off like that. You had me very worried.”

 _Run off?_ What was she talking about?

“Do you like your new room?” she went on. “I decorated it just like your old one. I even put the window in. Did you see it?” She pointed to the wall and the painted window. She walked to it and looked out as though it were really a widow. “It’s such a lovely day.”

She turned back around to look at me. “Oh! Look at you. You’re still in your night dress. You can’t wear that all day. Have you seen your new wardrobe? It has all your favorite clothes inside.” She went to the wardrobe and opened it. Hanging inside were several children’s clothes. To the far left, I noticed a purple dress with blue lace.

“And you have your own bathroom now. That’s new, but necessary,” she said pointing to the door in the far corner.

“Now, I brought you some breakfast, maple porridge, your favorite.”

 _Breakfast?_ Had I already been here all night? What must the Potter’s be thinking? What must Remus…

At the thought of Remus I suddenly recalled the blank look in his eyes and the way his body had been perfectly still. I gasped in horror at the thought of what that might have meant, and covered my face with my hands.

“What is it dear?” She asked, pausing in the middle of whatever she had been saying.

“P—please,” I stammered. “The boy I was w—with. Please, tell me what happened to him.”

“Oh, you needn’t trouble yourself with that, Persephone. He’s been dealt with.”

“Dealt with? Wha—what does that mean?” I began to cry, but she mistook my tears of great sadness for tears of fear.

“Shh, now my child. Do not worry.” She wrapped her arms around me in a stiff hug. “Those horrible days are behind you. They cannot get to you here. They can never get to you again. You are safe here, Persephone.”

“Stop calling me that!” I pushed away from her. “They are my family. My name is Kate Potter and I want to go home! Take me back!”

I heard the slap before I felt its mighty sting.

“Don’t you ever say that filthy name again!” Her eyes truly were crazed before she shrunk down to her normal height and smiled again.

“I have brought you food now, but if you are a good girl you can join us for dinner. Your Father will be home later. He will be thrilled that you have returned.”

Then she turned and left, walking out the door as easily as she had come. I quickly ran after her and tried turning the knob again, but it merely burned my hand. As I walked back down the stairs, thoughts of Remus filled my head again. I couldn’t shake the image of him lying motionless on the ground. Nor could I shake the sound of her words, _“He’s been dealt with.”_ Dealt with? What did that mean? Was he…was he dead?

I collapsed into sobbing heap on the cold floor.

 

I don’t know how long I lay on the floor, but I had long since stopped crying. I quivered for a bit and my teeth chattered from the cold, but even that had given way to numbness. The numbness had started on the side that was touching the floor and slowly crept over my whole body before seeping into my very soul.

Remus’ blank stare haunted me. With him…with him… “dealt with”… I didn’t have the strength to move. If he was… “dealt with”… why should I even try? Everything I did, I did for him. I read everything I could about werewolves because he was one, and I wanted to know what he went through because I wanted to know how I could help him. I was persistent and diligent when it came to the process of becoming an Animagus, for him. When someone at school suggested a werewolf was responsible for the attacks on the girls, I quickly jumped in and said it was impossible; none of the attacks had occurred on a full moon. I didn’t care how many people were around me at the time.

I began to think of every moment I’d ever had with Remus. From the first time we shook hands across the Gryffindor table after the sorting, to our last, brief kiss in the Leaky Cauldron. I could feel tears begin to run down my face again, and I wished, more than anything, that Remus could be there to make them go away. He always had a way of making me feel better, a way of making me feel stronger. He brought out the best in me.

I rolled onto my back as another memory came to mind.

 

_“You are…a rose by any other name,” he said with a smile._

_I recognized the quote of course. Even the magical community knew of Shakespeare._

_“Are you turning poetic on me?” I accused. I was never much of fan of poetry, but he could recite it to me all day if it meant he’d keep looking at me like he was and holding me the way he was._

_“A name doesn’t define the person, but a person defines the name.”_

Remus was the sort of person who defined a name. He didn’t let his lycanthropy get in the way of being the best wizard he could be. He studied hard, he worked hard, and he loved hard. He loved his friends. He loved me. He may never have said as much, but I knew it. I could feel it; deep in my heart I could feel his love for me burning beside my love for him. He may be dead, but as long as I lived then a bit of him would too.

And just like Remus had, I was going to define my name.

 

It had been hours since the woman, my mother, had come down the stairs. The porridge she brought sat forgotten. I didn’t touch it. I did change clothes, however. I decided that _when_ I made my escape, it wasn’t going to be in some childish night dress. I found the warmest, least child-like clothing I could in my wardrobe and put that on. And I would keep it on so that I’d always be ready.

After changing I searched the room over, looking for any possible way out. I checked by the “window;” it really was only a painting and any attempt to remove it left me with more welts. I looked around and under my bed, along the walls, and in the corners, but saw nothing. Everything appeared to be smooth and seamless.

I wasn’t going to give up though.

 

No one came to see me again for some time. After exhausting myself through crying and searching, I lay on the bed for a moment. I only meant to rest for a bit, to regain my strength to begin looking again, but I must have fallen asleep. I was awoken by the sound of the door opening. I sat up quickly as the woman came down with another tray.

“I brought you some breakfast,” she said after setting the tray down.

Breakfast? Was it morning again already? I looked around the room for a sign of the time, but there was nothing to indicate whether any time had passed at all.

“Please, can you tell me, what day is it…M—mum?” I nearly choked on the word; it tasted like bile in my mouth, but she smiled.

“Why, it’s the twenty-seventh of March of course.”

The twenty-seventh? It was James’ birthday. I had gotten him another pair of Quidditch gloves because he’d lost the ones I’d given him for Christmas already. I’d placed a charm on this pair to always stick with his Quidditch gear or with him.

The woman was already halfway up the stairs before I came out of my stupor.

“Wait!” She turned to look at me. I walked to the foot of the stairs.

“I’ve been a good girl, haven’t I? Can’t I come eat up there with you?”

“Oh, Persephone.” She came down the stairs and placed her hand on my cheek again; it was as cold as it was the day before. “I would love nothing more than for you to join me, but only your father can say if you’ve been a good girl. He’ll be home later today to see you.” And then she turned and left.

If my father was the only one who could say when I left the room, and if he was the same man from my memories, then I knew he’d never let me out.

 

The woman and I fell into a routine. Every morning she’d bring a bowl of maple porridge for me to eat. And every morning after she left I’d eat a few bites, and then I’d begin looking for a way out. I only ever ate a few bites at a time. It became clear quickly, that the porridge was the only meal I was going to get; I had to make it last all day.

Every morning she came to visit, before she left she would say “Your father will be home later today to see you.” But he never came. I was beginning to wonder if he even existed anymore. Perhaps he had already died. Then one day, I guess about a week or so into my capture, I heard someone approaching my door. I knew it was too early for more porridge; I still had half a bowl left.

I quickly stopped what I was doing and moved away from the wall. I had transfigured my lamp into a small spade, like the ones we used in Herbology, and I was using it to try and dig at the groove where wall met floor. All I had succeeded in doing was melt the spade a bit. I transfigured the spade back into my lamp, and I had just returned it to my table when the door opened. The footsteps that came down the stairs were too heavy to be the woman’s.

I slowly turned around to see who it might be. It was a tall, burly man. He had dark hair that curled around his dark eyes. He had a long, pale, and twisted face. I knew it at once as the face that haunted my memories.

He didn’t say anything as he came down the stairs. And I didn’t say anything as he circled around me. I kept my wand tucked up the sleeve of my jumper. I had the distinct feeling that he wouldn’t approve of the woman allowing me to keep my wand. At long last he came to stand before me once more. Whereas the woman was about my height, the man stood a good five inches taller. He smiled a cold and cruel smile that could hardly be described as a smile at all.

“No words of welcome for your dear Dad?” he asked.

I said nothing. I was too afraid to speak.

“Silence? It would seem some lessons did keep.”

His eyes flickered to the scar under my eye, and suddenly I remembered the night I got it. It was another one of his “lessons” he’d been trying to teach me. Only I hadn’t listened. He was hurting the woman; she was withering in pain on the floor. He told me to stay quiet, and to stay out of it, but I didn’t so he blew me back. I’d been so angry I made the house blow up. It must have been the night Fleamont found me.

I was suddenly filled with more anger than fear, and I brazenly took a step forward.

“You won’t get away with this. They’ll come for me. They will find me.”

“Come for you?” he laughed. “A stupid little girl? Let them come. Anyone who tries to save you, I’ll kill them.” He shrugged casually. “They won’t be the first I’ve killed. And then, for your insolence, I’ll kill you, daughter of mine or not.”

My lips trembled a bit and my wand hand twitched.

“Dumbledore will find me. What will you do then?”

This did not frighten him as I intended it to. His smile continued.

“That crackpot old fool? Dumbledore is due for his demise, the Dark Lord will see to that personally.”

The Dark Lord? He was a follower of… _him_? I faltered in my convictions and took a step back, How could I compare to power like that? He knew he had triumphed over me and he took two steps towards me for every step I took backwards.

“Do not make the foolish mistake of thinking you can get by me. Your only chance of survival is to join us. Give up your filthy Muggle loving ways and serve the Dark Lord. Only then may you be freed.”

“I will never serve him.”

“Then you will die with the others.”

I took another step back, only to run into my bed. He looked like he was about to say something else when suddenly his eyes flashed over to my lamp. The top of it was melted just like the spade. He knew what I had been trying to do. He took a step back, looking furious.

“You stupid girl! This will teach you!”

Before I could react he had his wand directed at me. I fell to the floor in excruciating pain as his curse hit me. Every part of me felt as though it were simultaneously being set on fire, stabbed, and torn from my body. I wanted to scream in agony, but my vocal cords had seized up. I could make no sound. I could only wither in pain and pray that death would come quickly.

 


	25. Kate Potter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter depicts mild torture.

****

**Kate Potter**

Death did not come quickly, or at all. It seems I was not meant to die just then. After a few hours, maybe it was only minutes, it’s hard to say, the man left. I was left seizing on the floor. I knew just what he had cast on me: the Cruciatus Curse.

Thought after thought raced through my mind, broken images that didn’t make sense. Sirius turned into a crazed animal that attacked everything. I saw James laughing cruelly over a mangled body. Peter held me close and kissed me with great passion. Remus lay dead with a blank look in his eyes.

Over and over these images played through my mind before they all became contorted and unrecognizable. All the while I continued to shake uncontrollably. 

One image persisted over all the others. One image remained unchanged: a large, muscular, black cat. It was more than just a cat though; it was a great a cat, a leopard. Her spots were visible when viewed at the proper angle and in the proper light. She came bounding in to each image, persistently. Steadily she was growing larger, becoming stronger until hers was the only image I saw.

I focused on her. I focused on how she moved. I focused on the way she flicked her tail. I imagined the way the ground would feel beneath her velvety paws, or the way the wind rushed by her when she ran.

Slowly I could feel my body changing. My legs were becoming shorter but stronger, and they were curving at a different angle. My back lengthened as my head and my neck came down level to it. I sprouted a tail out of my…tail. My ears shifted on my head and became rounder. And whiskers grew out the side of my nose. Perhaps best of all though, the pain weakened considerably.

While in the form of one’s Animagus, one takes on all aspects of their animal: what they like to eat, how they like to eat, what they think, and how they feel. A leopard’s pain receptors are different than a human’s, meaning the same injury won’t affect them quite the same way. The Cruciatus Curse is mostly a mental thing. It causes very little physical damage, but it can destroy the mind if used persistently.

While in my Animagus form, my mind, my emotions were simplified. The change allowed me time to heal the broken images and set them straight. It allowed me time to regain control.

After lying there for a while, I sat on my hind legs. My tail curled around me. I took in the room with my cat eyes, hoping to see some weakness my human eyes had missed. I saw nothing.

My ear twitched. What was that noise? It was a low whistling sound mixed with a soft hum. My ears stood erect as I listened.  I began to follow it. It was coming from the bathroom. I pushed the door open with my nose. It was air, a small stream of air. I could almost feel it move my fur.

I sniffed around the room until I detected the source. The air was coming from behind the water basin I used to wash my body. I pushed it aside and discovered an air vent. I could sense the magic was weakest here. Of course the vent was too small to crawl through, even in my human body. Still, I had found my way out.

 

Digging out the vent wasn’t easy, even in my Animagus form. The barrier still hurt, but my paws were tougher than my hands. I could feel the magic give way, little by little, but I began to wonder if it would be enough. Even if I got out of the room, what would I do after that? I’d still have to escape from the rest of the house; I may need help in that area. Or rather, I might need help fighting the man and woman. If only there as some way I could get a message out or send some sort of signal.

The answer came to me one night in a dream. I was in my Animagus form running across the land. Running next to me was my silver reflection.

A Patronus.

 

I had never cast a Patronus before, but I read all about how to do it in the book I’d gotten Remus for Christmas. The theory behind it seemed simple enough, even though it was supposed to be really advanced magic. Then again, becoming an Animagus was really advanced magic too. The Patronus was also supposed to be unique to the witch or wizard that cast it, so those closest to them would know it was theirs, even if they’d never seen it before.

 

My days were split at working on the vent in the bathroom, and trying to cast a Patronus. The woman continued to bring me porridge every morning. Every so often the man would come by as well. He’d tell me to renounce my Muggle loving ways and join the Dark Lord before it was too late. I’d tell him to go to hell, and he’d put me under the Cruciatus Curse again. I’d wait for him to leave before transforming.

One day my routine was thrown off balance. The door to my room was thrown open. I quickly ran out of the bathroom, in my human form, to see what was going on. The man hurried down the stairs with the woman in tow and threw her on the floor. He yelled and kicked at her before placing the Cruciatus Curse on her. I ran forward to try and stop him, but he threw me against the wall. I tried again, but the strength of his spell held me in place.

“Stop! Stop it! How can you…? You’re a monster! Stop it!” I cried, but he carried on as though I wasn’t there. And with his spell holding me in place, all I could do was watch.

 

After nearly an hour later he left. The woman lay on the floor before me, a distant look in her eyes and a line of drool trailing from her mouth. With him gone I was free of his spell, but it was several minutes before I crawled over to her. As I neared her, she looked up at me and reached a hand up to wipe away my tears.

“Don’t cry…pretty girl.” Her voice was barely that of a whisper.

“How can he do this to another human being? No one deserves this.”

I knew what I had to do now. I couldn’t just escape; I had to rescue the woman too. I had to rescue my mother.

“I’m going to get help for us. I’m going to get us out of here.” I went to stand up but she pulled me back down.

“Don’t go; don’t leave me.”

“It’s alright. I’m going to get us out of here.”

“My daughter…have you seen my daughter anywhere. She…she ran away. My pretty Persephone.” She was talking to someone else now; some memory in her head. I couldn’t leave her like that. So I crawled around behind her and placed her head in my lap.

“It’s alright, Mum. I’m right here. I won’t leave you.”

I gently stroked her hair until she fell asleep. Then I went back to work in the bathroom. The hole was much bigger now, but I had yet to break completely through to the other side. I scratched, and I clawed, and I rammed my shoulder into it. Finally I felt something I hadn’t felt before. The wall gave a little wobble and a trickle of stones fell down. Then one of the most glorious things I’d even seen, a stream of light came flowing through.

A small hole was all I needed to send my Patronus through. I just had to make the Patronus first. I had yet to cast a full bodied Patronus. I’d managed little whiffs of smoke and a non-corporeal shield, but those wouldn’t serve me well in this instance. I needed a distinct, full-bodied Patronus that couldn’t be mistaken for anyone else’s. And if I was going to do it I had to do it now. I didn’t know when the man would come back or when my mother would return to being his loyal servant.

I pulled out of the hole and returned to my normal form. I quickly checked to see that my mother was still asleep and that the man wasn’t returning. Then I took up my wand. The casting of a Patronus required thinking of your happiest memory. I discovered I actually had quite a few of those, and it was hard to determine which was my happiest. So instead, I went to the source of my happiness.

Remus.

I thought of every moment Remus and I had together, and I thought of every moment we could have had. Then I spoke the incantation.

“Expecto patronum.”

I could feel the power surging through me. I could feel all that happiness radiating within me and I could feel it extending outward. I knew I succeeded before I opened my eyes to confirm it. It looked just how I expected it to.

“Hi,” I said. “Come with me.” I lead my Patronus to the vent hole and pointed. “Can you get through there?”

My Patronus nodded.

“Good, then I need you to get a message out for me.”

I told my Patronus what to do and it left. But I knew I couldn’t wait for her to return. So I returned to my Animagus and resumed working on the hole.

 

It took much longer to finish the hole than I thought it might. I worked straight through the night without pause. My adrenaline kept me going. I knew that any minute help might arrive and I had to be ready to fight with them.

At long last, after weeks of trying, with a final shove a bundle of rocks went cascading outwards. I couldn’t spend any time celebrating this small victory however. The noise caused by the falling rocks would have alerted the man to my escape.

I transformed again, and with wand in hand, I ran back to my mother. She was just coming to when I reached her. She saw the rubble in my hair and she understood.

“Persephone, what have you done?”

“I’m getting us out here. You don’t have to stay here. Come with me; we’ll protect you. He won’t ever hurt us again.”

I could hear movement above and I knew I was quickly running out of time.

“I…I can’t. Your father will be here soon.”

I held out my hand to her. “Come with me, please. I can’t leave you to him. He’ll kill you if you stay; you know he will.”

I could see the war raging in her eyes.

“Please, Mum, come with Persephone.”

That seemed to seal the deal. My mother reached out and placed her hand in mine. I quickly led her to the bathroom and out through the hole just as the bedroom door blasted open.

We stepped into another room with another set of stairs on the other end. We ran up them. I just managed to open the door that appeared to lead into a kitchen when the man stepped through the hole. I pushed my mother through the door as he fired a spell at us. Then I ducked inside myself.

I was just about to run for another set of doors when our path was blocked. The man had apparated before us.

“Sito! What’s the meaning of this?” he yelled.

“I…I…”

“Leave her out of this,” I said stepping between them. “It’s over. Help is coming even as we speak. And we’re leaving.” I took hold of my mother’s hand again.

“I knew you were going to be more trouble than you’re worth from the moment you were born,” he said bitterly. “Why do you think we never came for you? I told her you were dead, and she believed me. Until those foolish boys began bragging about how they got the Potter girl,” he spat the name out.

“Boys? What boys?” I asked, unable to help myself.

“Rosier and Mulciber. They wouldn’t shut up about it; their fathers were so proud, but I thought it was waste of time. She overheard them. She never was very good at keeping out of my business. She started asking around after that.” He nodded to my mother. “…behind my back of course. Had I known I would have put a stop it, and to her. She discovered you were still alive and that you’d been adopted by those filthy Muggle-loving Potters.” Again, he spat the name out like it was poison.

“Then she intercepted your owl to that half-blood. I knew then that we’d have to take you. I couldn’t let the Dark Lord discover I had a daughter who mingled with half-bloods and blood traitors. Think of the disgrace you would have caused me. No matter, it’s all about to be over.

“Though…I am curious about one thing. How is it that you managed to escape Rosier and Mulciber on the astronomy tower?”

“Easy,” I said. “They made the same mistake you’re making. They underestimated a Potter.”

I quickly cast a disarming spell at him. I was fast, but he was faster. He blocked my spell and retaliated with a string of his own. It was all I could do to block and keep me and my mother moving towards the door. Our spells were rebounding off of everything, shattering glass and dishes alike, and splintering wood. Shards were flying everywhere. One caught me across the face but I could barely feel it.

“Enough!” he yelled. “Time to end this. Avada Kedavra!”

I heard the words. I saw the flash of green light. But I knew there was nothing I could do. There were no spells that could stop the killing curse. I regretted that I wouldn’t be able to see James, Sirius, or the Potters again. I regretted that I wouldn’t be able to tell them how proud I was to be a Potter. I regretted that I wouldn’t be able to tell them how much I loved them. But, I thought, at least I could be with Remus again.

Suddenly my view was blocked by my mother. She stood facing me. She touched a hand to my cheek, smiled, and said “My pretty Persephone.”

Then, with a small gasp, she arched her back. Her eyes went wide and became clearer than I’d ever seen them. She collapsed to the floor at my feet. And I was still alive.

“Stupid woman,” the man said without any remorse. Then he raised his wand for a second try.

“Ava…”

“Stupefy!”

Our spells collided in a shocking blast that sent us both flying backwards. My head slammed against something hard, and my vision went black.


	26. The Rescue

**The Rescue**

**_29 April 1977_ **

The sixth year Gryffindor boy’s dormitory was not the place it once was. Laughter used to echo off the walls, but lately the occupants barely spoke above a quiet whisper…if they spoke at all. The night of the twenty-ninth of April was no different. The four boys sat on their respective beds. Neither one was tired enough to sleep, though it was well past the new mandated curfew. It was as they sat in silence that they found themselves in strange company.

“What the bloody ‘ell is that?” Peter squeaked as he looked out the window by his bed.

“They’re called ‘stars,’” Sirius said without looking away from the roof of his canopy.

“Those are stars,” Peter pointed. “That silver thing is not.”

“It’s a comet then.” Sirius sounded quite annoyed. “And stop talking about the bloody stars will you.”

“I think I’d know a comet when I saw one, and it’s not that either,” Peter snapped. “Besides, it’s not moving through the sky; it’s moving through the air, and it’s…Oh! Oh no! It’s coming right at us!”

Peter jumped aside as a silver ball of light passed through the glass by his four-poster bed. As it drifted around the room, passing over each bed, it filled the room (and its occupants) with a sort of warmth and hope that hadn’t been present for over a month, not since _that_ day. It came to rest at last at the front of the room. It hovered about a meter off the ground before slowly taking on the shape of a great cat.

Remus sat bolt upright in his bed. “It’s a Patronus,” he said softly.

“A what?” Peter asked.

“It’s Kate,” Remus clarified. This caught the attention of James and Sirius at last.

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, sitting up in bed.

“The book she gave me for Christmas, there was a whole section devoted to the Patronus Charm. This is her Patronus. Look at it! It looks just like her leopard! She’s sending us a message.”

“You’re certain of this?”

“Positive.”

James leapt to his feet, wand in hand, and said to the Patronus, “Take me to her.”

“James, wait! We need to take it to Dumbledore,” Remus argued, getting to his feet.

“She’s my sister! I have to get to her!” James yelled, suddenly turning on Remus.

“I know…I know she’s your sister, which is why we can’t risk it. What if something unexpected happened and it was just the four of us? We need help.”

“Monny’s right, Prongs,” Sirius said.

Remus couldn’t help the little swell of joy he felt at his nickname. It was the first time any of them had used their nicknames for some time.

“Fine, we play this your way, Lupin,” James said through his teeth.

Remus turned to the Patronus who’d been flicking its tail impatiently. “Come with us,” he said.

Together the four marched out of the dorm and down the spiral staircase. They ignored the protests the Fat Lady issued when they left the common room. As they  made their way at a determined pace towards the Headmaster’s office, the Patronus swerved in and out of their legs before darting up the hall ahead of them, only to bound back their way and start the process all over again.

They all blurted out the password at the stone gargoyle before riding the staircase up. Sirius knocked on the brass knocker repeatedly until the door opened. They entered the room just as Dumbledore was descending the stairs to his loft. A red Phoenix dozed on its perch.

“How can I help you…”

“Kate’s sent us a Patronus, Sir,” Remus said.

“Ah. I see.”

The Patronus moved forward with urgency, and leapt onto Dumbledore’s desk where the old wizard could better examine it.

“A very strong Patronus too,” he said. “Quite a remarkable talent she has shown, but then again, I would expect nothing less from her.”

Remus, Sirius, and Peter looked at one another curiously, but James remained intent on Dumbledore.

“Can you use it to find her, Professor?” he asked, almost daring to hope.

Dumbledore looked back at the four boys, a gleam in his eyes.

“Yes, I believe I can. Fawkes,” Dumbledore turned to the sleeping Phoenix who came around at the sound of its name. “Alert the Order, the usual place, as soon as possible.”

There was a loud clap, a puff of a flame, and the bird was gone. Then Dumbledore withdrew his own wand and brought forth his own Patronus, a silver Phoenix.

“Inform Minerva that I will be away from the school for a few hours,” he said. The bird flew off and through the door.

“What can we do, Sir? We want to help,” Sirius said, stepping forward.

“I’m sure you all do,” Dumbledore replied, suddenly looking rather grim. “I think it best, however, that you remain here…”

“That’s not an option, Sir!” James said fiercely. “This is my sister. I have to be there for her.”

Dumbledore sighed. “Meet me back here in twenty minutes.”

“But we’re here now, Sir,” Peter said.

“Yes, and in your night clothes no less. Change and come back. Twenty minutes.”

The four boys all agreed and hurried out the door, eagerness in their steps. They were halfway down the stairs when they heard a small ‘popping’ sound. They turned and ran back up and through the door.

Dumbledore and the leopard were gone.

**XXX**

My head was ringing. My whole body was aching. I coughed and gasped for fresh air, but found none. I was inhaling smoke, and it was sweltering hot.

I opened my eyes; blurry though my vision was, I saw I was surrounded by smoke and flames. Somehow a fire had been set and the whole house was engulfed. I quickly blew the smoke away from my face and cast a bubble-head charm, trapping inside what clean air I could. I had to get out of there, but I couldn’t leave my mother behind. I crawled to where her body lay a few feet from mine.

“Mum? Mum…”

My voice was raspy, and strangely muffled. Even as I called for her, I knew it was useless. I knew she was gone. She had been hit with the killing curse; no one ever survived that. She gave her own life, in the end, to save me.

I rolled her onto her back. Her eyes still looked clear, but there was no light behind them. I tucked my arms under her shoulders and pulled. I paused momentarily to see that the man was still knocked out; seeing that he was I resumed my course. The air was much easier to breathe once I was away from the house. I lay my mother down on the grass and removed the bubble-head. The sun was just beginning to rise.

I only had a second to decide what my next move should be. Help had not arrived like I hoped. I was alone. Perhaps my Patronus wasn’t strong enough to make the journey. I could easily have left then, yes, and I knew I probably should. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t be responsible for ending someone else’s life.

I cast another bubble-head and headed back into the fire.

The man was lying right where I left him. He hadn’t moved at all. Maybe he was already dead, but I didn’t want to take that chance.

“Petrificus Totalus!”

His arms and legs snapped together. I picked up his wand and grabbed his feet. I pulled…but I didn’t get far before I had to stop. My charm was wearing off and the smoke was getting to me again. I coughed viciously. I tried again, but he was too heavy. It would take too long to pull him out.

There was only one thing to do. I shifted into my leopard. I picked the wands up with my mouth, and then I grabbed an ankle. He’d have a nasty bite, but where he was going, he wouldn’t really need his legs.

I pulled again, this time moving steadily across the floor. I just barely got his head through the kitchen archway when a fiery post fell. I grimaced internally as his head went banging down the front steps.

“What is that?”

“Where’s the girl?”

“Is she trapped inside, Albus?”

I heard a string of voices behind me as I pulled the man onto the grass. After dropping his ankle, I turned around to find a group of wizards behind me. One of the wizards, with flaming red hair, took out his wand and shot red sparks my way. I jumped about three meters in the air to avoid the spell and changed mid leap.

“Oi! Do you mind where you’re pointing that?”

“You’re an Animagus!” the sole female exclaimed. Her hair was kept shorter than that of the red-head’s, and she looked slightly familiar.

“What? Oh! Yes…I…I am.” I’d only just realized that I’d transformed in front of them.

I looked around the group while they looked at me in a strange and slightly unsettling way. Besides the female and the guy with red hair, there was another wizard with bright red hair, one with dark hair that stood near the witch, a rough, grizzly looking wizard with a large blue eye that rolled freely in its socket, and…

“Professor Dumbledore!” I ran forward. “James showed you my Patronus! So it worked? It made it?”

“Indeed it did. It was very impressive too,” he said with a slight chuckle.

“Oh…well…I…uh…thanks…”

“Gideon, Fabian, Frank, and Alice, will you see about putting out this fire?” Dumbledore said, while the grizzly wizard hobbled around me to see about the two bodies.

“They’re my parents,” I said quickly. “She’s dead. He killed her. He meant to kill me. At least I’m sure he meant to kill me. He fired the spell right at me. I saw it coming and I just stood there. I didn’t do anything. I couldn’t. I knew I couldn’t block it. Nothing stops the killing curse. But then she was there…she was there and she stood before me. She stood there and….and she smiled.  And he…he didn’t care that he’d killed her. He didn’t care that he’d just killed his wife when he meant to kill his daughter. He meant to kill me…”

My words came out in a jumble and I’m not sure how much Dumbledore or the Grizzly Wizard caught or understood. They shared a look.

“Dolohov,” the Grizzly Wizard said, as if the name meant something to the two of them. Then he turned to me. “We’ve been after him for years. What did you do to him?”

“Me? Nothing! I…I didn’t do anything. He tried to kill me. Again. After he killed her. He tried to kill me, but I reacted this time. I shot a stunning spell at him. That’s all. Our spells collided and the house…the house went boom! And…and…and I didn’t do anything. Well then I used a full body bind just in case. I didn’t want him coming too when I was trying to save him. Why? Is he dead? Did I kill him? I didn’t mean to. Please, Professor…I didn’t mean to…I….”

Dumbledore placed a hand on my shoulder calmly. “Kate, how do you feel?”

“Fine,” I said quickly. “Honestly, Sir. I don’t feel much of anything.”

He turned his attention to Mr. Grizzly. “Alastor?”

“He’s not dead,” Grizzly said as he stood up from where he’d been crouching next to my dad. With a twist of his wand he conjured thick ropes to wrap around the body and tie themselves in numerous knots. “That ‘ought to keep ‘em ‘til we get to Azkaban. Though, it is a shame he didn’t just die. You do know that you just rescued one of the most prolific Death Eaters, Miss Potter, don’t you?”

“Well what else was I supposed to do? Leave him? I couldn’t leave him. He’d of died. He’d of died because of me. I couldn’t do that. I didn’t want to do that. If he died because I left him, that’d be the same as killing him myself. If I killed him myself then how does that make me any better than what he is?”

Dumbledore chuckled slightly and I looked at him puzzled. What was so funny about death? The other wizards made their way back from the house, which was now just a smoldering pile of ashes. One of the red-haired wizards whistled.

“That’s a wicked cut you’ve got there. How did you get it?”

“What? I…I don’t know…” I went to touch my face where the wicked cut apparently was, but stopped short at the sight of my hands. “Whoa…That…that doesn’t look quite right, does it? I mean…fingers aren’t supposed to bend like that.”

“‘Doesn’t look quite right,’ she says.”

“Must be the adrenaline. Look at her eyes. They’re massive.” The two red-heads were going back and forth. I jumped away from them.

“That’s enough looking at me eyes, thank you.”

“Back off from the poor child you gits,” the girl, Alice said, pushing them back. “Professor, that cut looks pretty deep. We need to get her to the hospital.”

“No! No please, not there. Not yet. I need to see my parents. My real parents I mean. Fleamont and Euphemia. And James. I need to see them. I need to tell them I’m alright. I have to let … them… know…” I swayed slightly, feeling light headed all of a sudden. “Whoa…suddenly…suddenly I… I don’t feel so well…”

“That’d be the adrenaline wearing off.”

“Better catch her then…”


	27. Star of My Heart

**Star of My Heart**

 

_“Better…catch…her…then…”_

_The words swam around me, bouncing and reverberating off the walls, echoing off the floor. Over and over they played, mixed and mingled with flashes of light. Until, at last, they subsided, and I was left in silence. I opened my eyes slowly, uncertain of what I would find. I stood in a room of white. The little girl from my dreams was there, and now I had a name for her._

_“Persephone,” I said and she smiled._

_“You remember me.”_

_I nodded. “You’re me. Or, I’m you, or…”_

_“We’re each other?” she offered._

_“Yeah. How could I have forgotten you…I mean me…?”_

_“It was the only way I could protect us,” she said with a shrug. “Do you remember all those nights we used to stare up at the stars…”_

_“…And wish to be among them?”_

_“We would have given anything to have been able to leave that house, to leave our father behind. So when I saw the opportunity come, I did what I thought was necessary. I hid myself and our memories deep inside your mind. At the time, I didn’t know how much grief it would cause you not to know. Then you seemed okay with not knowing, for a while, but when you started growing more curious about the scars. I figured it was time I showed you, only by then I’d realized I couldn’t do it alone. I needed your help to remember.”_

_“That’s when you started calling out to me in my dreams. But I resisted. I wanted to know about the scars, but I was afraid of the answer. Somehow, I think I still knew the truth.”_

_“The mind is funny that way.”_

_“So you just…blocked off the painful memories? I didn’t know I could perform occulmency.”_

_“You can’t… **We** can’t. It’s…complicated and yet it’s not. A child’s magic is different, stronger almost because it’s raw…”_

_“Untamed,” I finished. “It’s the same way they can summon a toy silently or make things appear when they want them.”_

_“They can perform magic with just a thought. So… I did the same. Now that you’re a proper witch, you wouldn’t be able to do it again unless you studied occulmency.”_

_“And have someone perform legilimency on me, invading my personal thoughts? No thanks.”_

_She nodded in agreement._

_“So…what happens now?” I asked. “Now that I know? Now that I remember you?”_

_“And Mum. Please, don’t forget Mum.”_

_I scowled. “I wish I could.”_

_“Don’t say that. I know she wasn’t perfect; she was as much his victim as we were, but she had her moments of sanity. Do you remember the time Dad was gone and we tried to bake a cake?”_

_The memory came clearly and quickly to mind. I laughed despite myself._

_“We got flour all over the kitchen, and the cake was really…”_

_“…really awful,” she finished. We both laughed for a bit, and other happy moments came to mind._

_“Alright, alright. I won’t forget Mum. I’ll remember the fun moments we had, I swear.”_

_“Good.”_

_Suddenly there was a strange, yet oddly familiar sound._

_“What was that?” I asked._

_“That would be your family. They’re all waiting for you to wake up.”_

_“No.”_

_“Kate? You have to wake up.”_

_“Yes, but that’s not it. It’s_ our _family; they’re yours now too. They’re waiting for us._

_Persephone smiled. “Then what are we waiting for?”_

_She held out her hand and I took it in mine._

 

**_30 April 1977_ **

I blinked my eyes open slowly. I was in another white room, but this time I was lying on my back. I looked around slowly and saw Fleamont and Euphemia sitting by my side. Fleamont’s eyes were rimmed in red and his worry showed on every inch of his lined face. It was Euphemia’s look, however, that struck me hardest. She was always in control of her emotions, but this time there was something extra to her eyes that I hadn’t noticed before. Fear.

“Mum. Dad,” I said with a breathy, hoarse voice. I tried sitting up, but groaned in pain.

“Shh, now, darling,” Euphemia said. Even her voice seemed a little strained.

“We’re here, Pumpkin. You’re safe.”

“Where…Where…?”

“You’re in St. Mungo’s,” Euphemia said. “Dumbledore and the Order brought you here after you escaped.”

At her words, the memory came clearly to my mind. I was fighting fiercely against my father. My mother stepping in front of the killing curse to save me. Pulling both her and his body from the fire. And a pair of red-haired wizards who were fascinated by the size of my eyes.

I laughed slightly. “I think I made something of a fool of myself in front of the… the Order? What’s that?”

“It’s…” They shared a look but it was Euphemia that carried on. “It’s nothing you need to worry about right now. We can discuss it later.” Her eyes turned to my left cheek. “I’m afraid they couldn’t do much for the cut you received. They say it was cursed.”

“It’s his, my father’s work then, like the rest of my scars. Where are James and Sirius?” I asked.

“They’re on their way,” Fleamont replied. “They were detained. Hagrid caught them trying to sneak off the grounds.”

 _Caught?_ That seemed odd. I knew for a fact that they successfully snuck off the grounds on numerous occasions, at least a few times a month. So why were they caught this time?

“They’ve all been very worried about you,” Euphemia added.

“Well, I’m glad it’s just the two of you right now, because there’s something I think we need to discuss.” I tired sitting up again; my body was stiff and sore.

“I’m sure it can wait until you’ve had some rest,” Fleamont said, trying to lay me back down.

“No.” I pushed through the pain and finally sat upright. “It's waited long enough. It’s something I should have known all along, and maybe I did, but I just didn’t say anything.”

“What is it dear?” Euphemia asked.

“Well, it’s just… I’ve met my….” I didn’t want to say the word ‘real’ because I knew now it wasn’t true. “…other parents now. My father, there’s no excuse for his actions, but my mother wasn’t all bad. She was…unstable to say the least, but I think it was because of my father. It was because of what he did to her. She was as much his victim as I was. And in the end, she gave her life to save mine.

“But neither of them compare to you. Neither of them did for me what you did. You loved me unconditionally and inexplicably.” I had to pause for a moment as tears filled my eyes again. “You had no reason to want me, but you did. I knew I was fortunate to _have_ you, but I never knew how fortunate was to _be_ yours, until now.

“They may have been my mother and father, but _you_ are my Mum and Dad.”

Both Fleamont and Euphemia were crying along with me.

“So,” I continued through my tears. “If it’s alright with you, I…I think I’d like to keep the Potter name. I will always remember Persephone Dolohov as she helped set the mold, but Kate Potter is who I choose to be.”

I was enveloped in a hug as they both wrapped their arms around me.

“Of course, we would have called you any name you liked,” Euphemia said before kissing my forehead.

“But we are so proud you chose ‘Potter,’” Fleamont finished. “As you have always been our daughter.”

A nurse came in to see how I was doing then and to check on my injuries. Fleamont and Euphemia, or rather Mum and Dad, excused themselves for a moment, but not before they each gave me another hug and a kiss.

The nurse, who really didn’t say much but ‘do this’ and ‘look over here,’ performed a lot of mundane check-ups before examining my hands. My hands had been wrapped in several layers of bandages and healing ointments. I distinctly remembered my fingers being very bent out of shape the last time I saw them and I feared I’d see the same then. I was relieved to find that I was quite wrong.

“Wow! They look like nothing even happened to them,” I said.

“We take our work very seriously here,” the nurse grumbled without looking up. “Now, do this.” She held out her hands palm up, and I followed suit.

“Make a tight fist,” she instructed.

I did so with a grimace.

“Now relax your hand.”

Relaxing hurt worse.

“Press your palms together like so.”

“Ouch! That really hurts.” The door opened then and I looked over to see James and Sirius walk in. I smiled.

“Well there are twenty-seven bones in the hand and you managed to break nearly every one. I imagine your hands will be quite sore for several weeks yet,” the nurse said as though she was bored.

I found her lack of bedside manner infuriating and retaliated as such.

“Right, so the next time I’m being held by a demented lunatic you’re saying I shouldn’t break down a stone wall with my bare hands then. Is that it?”

She didn’t even so much as smile as she gathered her papers and left.

“Wow,” I turned to James and Sirius. “Madam Pomfrey would have at least…”

I stopped suddenly as the next person walked in. It was the last face I expected to see, but the one face I wanted to see more than any other. I couldn’t move; I couldn’t even breathe as I looked at him. For a moment time stood still. The beat of my heart echoed like thunder in my ear. Then it all came rushing by. I leapt from the bed with a stamina I didn’t know I had and threw my arms around his neck. He stumbled back a few paces with the force of my embrace, before his arms finally wrapped around me. I could feel his shoulders shaking as he curled his hands in my hair.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” he cried.

“Sorry? Don’t be an idiot! It wasn’t your fault.”

“I couldn’t stop them…”

“You fought off two Death Eaters. _Two!_ You were so brave.”

“I should have gotten you away from there the moment they showed up. I should have made you leave.”

“It was my choice to stay. They would have kept pursuing us. They’d have killed Muggles to get to me. They’d have killed you! And I…I thought they did, and it…it hurt more than anything else…more than the Cruciatus Curse…it hurt more…because…I lo…I love you, Remus.”

In an instant his lips were on mine, deep and searing. His hands tangled in my hair. I pulled at his shirt, trying to get as close to him as possible. He started laughing with relief. I could feel the vibrations in his chest.

“I wanted to say it first,” he said, his lips brushing against mine. “I love you so much it hurts to breathe without you.” And then he kissed me again. I don’t know how long we would have continued kissing if someone hadn’t cleared their throat behind us.

I pulled out of the kiss, but stayed close to his body. “The cat’s out of the bag now,” I whispered.

Then I firmly took hold of Remus’ hand in my mine and turned to face the others. James stood, gob smacked; his eyes flicking back and forth between us. Sirius stood just behind his shoulder, a grin on his face, and thumbs in the air. Peter was wide-eyed, and ill looking.  

“We’ll talk about _that_ later,” James said at last. “But first…” He stepped forward and pulled me into a deep hug. “Kate, I…”

“I know, James. I’m all right.”

“Alright, Prongs, don’t nick all the hugs.”

James let me go and stepped back so Sirius could hug me too. We didn’t embrace quite as long or quite as tight as James and I had, but it was close. When we stepped back he held me at arm’s length.

“Wow! Kate, you look…different. Good different.”

I could sense more so than hear Remus stiffen and step closer.

“Relax, Moony. I’m not trying to chat-up your bird.”

“You’re right, though,” I said. “I am different. I feel different. It’s like…part of me was missing, locked away, and now she’s free and I’m free.”

He pulled me in for another hug. “Don’t ever leave us like that again.”

 “Duly noted, Sirius.” Then I turned to Peter. “Pete, I’m so glad you came.”

“Of…of course. I’d do anything for you, Kate,” he said, returning my hug.

After leaving Peter, I returned to Remus’ side and took hold of his hand again.

“Right, so I guess you all want to know what happened?” I said.

“Now that you mention it, I am a bit curious about the whole, breaking down a wall with your bare hands,” Sirius said lightly.

“What?” Remus asked, looking at me.

“Oh, you and Wormtail missed it, Moony. Our Leo here was giving the nurse some serious sass about breaking down a stone wall with her bare hands.”

“Is it true?” Peter asked.

“Well, they weren’t exactly _my_ bare hands. My leopard did most of the work, but apparently any injury you sustain while in your Animagus form carries over to your human form when you change. You guys never mentioned that.”

We made our way over to my bed. Remus and I sat on top, while the others pulled up chairs and sat around us.

“I don’t even know where to begin,” I said with a sigh.

“The beginning is usually a good spot,” Sirius said.

I laughed. “Merlin! I’ve missed you lot. Right, so the beginning… My name is…was…Persephone Dolohov, and I’m the only child of Sito and Antonin Dolohov.”

“Wait, your father is Antonin Dolohov?” Sirius asked.

“So you’ve heard of him then?”

“His name may have floated around the Black house. I think he came to dinner one time. He tried to convince my parents to get involved in the war. They didn’t exactly sign up, but they haven’t shown any resistance.”

“Was he kind of pale?” I asked. “He has a long face that seems to be twisted in a permanent scowl because he despises all things Muggle, especially his Muggle-loving daughter?”

“Uh…yeah,” Sirius answered hesitantly.

“Then that was him. That’s the bastard that tried to kill me…twice…and failed…twice.” I said the last part proudly.

I continued on with the story of my capture, and I told them every horrible moment…well _almost_ every horrible moment. Some things were just too horrible to repeat. Those would be the things that stayed with me…always.

 


	28. The Order of the Phoenix

**The Order of the Phoenix**

 

               **I spent** two pointless nights in hospital before being released. Since one of those nights was Saturday though, the guys set up camp and stayed with me. Then we spent all day Sunday together. Lily came by for a bit on Sunday too, before they all had to return to Hogwarts. I wanted to return to the castle too; I was eager for things to get back to normal, but since I had woken up both nights in a cold sweat and screaming bloody murder, Fleamont…I mean Mum and Dad…insisted that I stay out another week at least. I’d taken to calling Fleamont and Euphemia “Dad” and “Mum” since our talk in hospital. It felt strange, but only because I was so used to calling them by their names.

I was going to have a lot of school work to catch up on for the month and a half I’d missed.

               On Tuesday, the Headmaster contacted us and said he’d like to meet with me outside of school. I was sure he wanted my account of my imprisonment as I had yet to see him since my escape. So Flea…Dad and I arrived on Thursday near an empty lot on the South Bank of London.

 

**_5 May 1977_ **

 

 “Are you sure this is the right place, Dad?”

               “This is where Albus said to meet him,” he replied.

               Suddenly there was the tell-tell pop of apparition behind us. I turned on a dime with my wand drawn. However, my disarming spell was blocked by a superior shielding charm.

               “Headmaster! Oh! I’m so sorry. I…I guess I’m still a bit jumpy.”

               The Headmaster chuckled. “That is quite alright, Miss Potter. I should know better than to surprise a talented witch such as yourself. And, might I add, nice reflexes; they will serve you well. Now, shall we proceeded?”

               “I’m sorry, Sir, but where are we going exactly? There’s nothing here.”

               “I’m going to entrust you with a secret, Miss Potter, and it is vital that you keep it.” The Headmaster handed me a piece of paper with an address on it. “Memorize that address, and then give it to your father.”

               “Act…actually, Sir, I don’t think my Dad should come with us.”

               “Kate?” My Dad sounded surprised. “What’s wrong?”

               “Nothing, but if I’m right about why we’re here, then I don’t think you need to know everything that happened to me. And if you’re honest with yourself, I don’t think you _want_ to know everything. All you do need to know is that I’m safe now, and that I will be alright. I think it would be best if I go on alone…Well, not alone, obviously. Headmaster Dumbledore will be there.”

               “Are you certain of this?”

               I nodded. “Go home, Dad, and tell Mum I’d like a slice of chocolate cake when I get back.”

               “You’ll see that she gets home safe?” he asked, looking at the Headmaster.

               “I will escort her myself, if you wish. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to Godric’s Hollow. I should like to see how it’s changed,” the Headmaster replied.

               “Alright, well… if you are certain, Kate.”

               “I am, Dad,” I said with another nod.

               “Very well then. I shall see you when you get home.”

               He gave me a quick hug and a kiss to the top of my head before disapperating.

               “He’s a good man, and a great Dad, but he doesn’t have the heart for war,” I said once he was gone. I held up the paper and looked at the Headmaster. “This is the Fidelius Charm isn’t it? Well, its secret I suppose.”

               “Indeed it is,” the Headmaster replied with a smile.

               I looked at the address, studied it, and memorized it before handing the paper back. As he destroyed it, I focused on the empty lot and thought of the address. A house appeared on the lot as though it had always been there.

               “After you, Miss Potter.”

               “If we’re going to do this, Professor, then I really think you should call me ‘Kate.’”

 

               The house was much livelier inside than its outward appearance made me believe. The interior was brightly lit, though from the outside it had appeared that no lights were on. There was a warm, inviting feeling, and somewhere deep inside a record was playing.

               “Ah, the Prewitt brothers are here,” Dumbledore said.

               As we ventured deeper into the house the music gradually grew louder. I recognized the music as belonging to the Wizard rock group Chimera; their music style was similar to that of the Muggle group, The Eagles. We came at last to the back of the house and a large room. There was a long dining table down the middle of the room, where a few people sat. But along one side there were a couple of people dancing. I recognized some of them as being a part of my rescue team, including the two red-haired wizards and the young Pixie witch. The wizard with the dark hair was there too, dancing with the Pixie. He gave her a rather jubilant spin and she nearly crashed into us.

               “Oh! Sorry, Professor!” she said with a breathless laugh and rosy cheeks. Professor Dumbledore laughed and applauded their dance, to which they both took a bow.

               “If you will excuse me, Kate, I need to have a word with our host before we begin.” Then he walked off before he left me with the young couple.

               “It’s nice to see you looking better,” she said with a pretty smile.

               “It’s nice to be feeling a bit more myself,” I replied.

               “Alice Longbottom.” She stuck her hand out for me to take. “This is my husband Frank.”

               “Kate Potter.” I gave each of their hands a good shake. “You both went to Hogwarts a few years back. You were in Gryffindor, weren’t you? I remember seeing you around the common room.”

               “That’s right! You were the quiet girl that spent all her time with the Potter and Black boys.”

               “Tell me, do they still give McGonagall hell?” Frank asked.

               “It’s their favorite past-time. Really, I’m not sure what she’s going to do next year when we leave,” I replied.

               “Knowing Minerva, she’ll throw a great big party and drink Slughorn’s finest mead,” Alice laughed.

               Just then the two red-headed boys came over and introduced themselves as Gideon and Fabian Prewitt. They had a wicked sense of humor and I knew James and Sirius would get on well with them. I also met an Edgar Bones and his wife; we were in their house. There was an older witch by the name of Marlene McKinnon there too.

               Suddenly the music came to a screeching halt. We turned our attention to the door where Ole’ Grizzly stood.

               “This is a meeting, not a party,” he said.

               “All of life is one big party, Mad-Eye,” Gideon said.

               Mad-Eye, or Alastor Moody was the last to arrive, and with his arrival everyone took a seat at the table. I sat with Alice and Frank on one side and the Prewitts on the other. Professor Dumbledore stood at the front.

               “Welcome. By now I hope you all had a chance to meet our guest tonight, Kate Potter, a fascinating and talented young witch,” Dumbledore said. I wanted to correct him; I wasn’t really fascinating…was I?

               “And we have all heard of her recent ordeal,” he continued. “I am sure some of us have questions we’d like to ask her, but first I would like to give her a moment to ask any questions she may have for us.”

               All eyes turned to me.

               “Oh! Umm…I do have a few, actually.” Dumbledore motioned that I should continue. “I guess, for starters, this… this is some sort of…secret society for fighting…” I was going to say You-Know-Who, but at the last moment I changed my mind. “…for fighting Voldemort, isn’t it?”

               Next to me, Alice gave a little start, but it wasn’t so much as shock as it appeared to be joyful glee. Even Made-Eye seemed mildly impressed that I’d used his real name.

               “Not many witches or wizards, even those closer to my age, are bold enough to use his name,” Dumbledore said.

               “Well, she’s a Gryffindor through-and-through, Professor,” Alice said.

               “I suppose I’ve just recently discovered the power of a name,” I said. “If using a name can give power, then not using a name can take power away. By not using Voldemort’s name we take power from ourselves and feed into the fear that he’s seeking to establish.”

               “You’d think by now I’d know better than to be surprised by you,” Dumbledore said with a smile.

               “Oh! I hope not, Sir. If one becomes stagnant one stops learning, and they stop discovering things about themselves.”

               Dumbledore’s smile grew. “To answer your question, yes. Our main objective here at the Order of the Phoenix is to thwart Voldemort’s rise and protect the lives of wizards and Muggles alike.”

               “Alright. So continuing with the name theme…” I turned my attention to Mad-Eye. “Who is my father?”

               “Antonin Dolohov,” he answered.

               “And he’s a Death Eater.”

               “Not just any Death Eater, he was one of the firsts. He went to school with Voldemort. And he’s one of the more vicious Death Eaters. He takes great pleasure in causing others great pain.”

               “You don’t have to tell me how cruel he is. I have enough scars to speak to that. I also happen to know that he is rather fond of the Cruciatus Curse.”

               There was a silent ring that permeated the room for a bit. Alice gave a little gasp of alarm. Even Dumbledore took to his seat rather roughly. I hadn’t really meant to get into that just yet, but there it was.

               “He enjoys both putting one under the curse and making one watch helplessly,” I said softly, turning my attention back to Dumbledore. “You see now, Professor, why I didn’t want my Dad to stay. I didn’t think he needed to know that.”

               Dumbledore folded his hands together before looking at me over the top of his glasses. “How many times?”

               I shrugged. “I lost count…But it was any time he was home. He wanted me to renounce my ‘Muggle-loving ways.’ But I didn’t; I won’t.”

               I swiped at a few tears that had fallen against my consent. “I am sure I only survived because of my leopard.”

               “Come again?” Marlene asked. I guess the story of my escape hadn’t been completely told to those who weren’t present.

               “I’m an Animagus,” I explained. “I have been for two years now, actually. My animal form is a black leopard. She’s incredibly amazing, if I may be so biased. She’s fiercely stubborn, however, and absolutely despises being caged. She saved my life, in more ways than one.

               “When…Dolohov would leave after…well just after…I would shift into my leopard and ride out the pain that way. I knew that the Cruciatus Curse’s greatest harm was done to the mind; one could quite literally go mad if put under it too long. I figured as long as I could still focus enough to change, then my mind would be alright.

               “My leopard is also physically stronger than I am. And though it still hurt, it was a different sort of pain. I was able to dig a hole in the bathroom wall that was large enough to crawl through. Then, of course, I used the leopard to pull Dolohov out, since I couldn’t do it myself.”

               Mad-Eye grunted, as though he still didn’t understand why I decided to pull him out.

               “I had just witnessed my mother’s death because of me; I didn’t much fancy being responsible for another death. Besides, now he’s in Azkaban where he can pay for his crimes.”

               “‘Cept he’s not in Azkaban,” he said. The way his eye quickly flashed to Dumbledore, and the way Dumbledore’s head dropped, I don’t think he meant to say that.

               “What do you mean he’s not in Azkaban?” Mr. Bones said.

               I looked to Dumbledore for clarification.

               “He escaped, this afternoon,” The Professor replied.

               “I thought it was impossible to escape from there. How did he get past the Dementors?” Fabian asked while Gideon muttered something inaudibly. Apparently the matter of the escape was news to everyone.

               “He didn’t,” Mad-Eye said. “He killed the two Aurors I had escorting him; they never made it to the island.”

               I sank into silence as the Order discussed the matter of Dolohov’s escape, among other things. The Prewitts’s volunteered to lead a party to find him. To say that I was frightened by the fact that he was still out there and still capable of hurting me, or worse, my friends, would be an understatement. Nevertheless, I stood by my decision to rescue him. True, there was nothing I could do to change it then, but still I believed it was the right choice.

               Eventually the topic came back to me and I told them more of my capture and escape. In particular, Dumbledore seemed interested in how they found me after all these years. So I told him what I could, from Mulciber and Rosier’s bragging at Christmas to my mother intercepting my owl to Remus.

               Before the meeting came to an end, I was asked to produce my Patronus so that everyone else could see it and so they’d know it was mine. It didn’t take much to cast it; I simply had to think of re-uniting with Remus. After the close of the meeting, Dumbledore remained true to his word and escorted me home.


	29. Return to Hogwarts

**Return to Hogwarts**

**_8 May 1977_ **

               **Finally!** Mum and Dad were letting me return to Hogwarts. The three of us apparated to just outside the gates with my trunk on Sunday afternoon. Hagrid met us, and he threw my trunk over his shoulder like it weighed nothing at all. Dad wanted to walk with me all the way back to the castle, but fortunately Mum and Hagrid were able to convince him that I would be perfectly safe walking with Hagrid. After a hug and a kiss from each of them, I set off towards the castle.

               Along the way, the large gamekeeper told me all about his new boar-hound pup he’d bought off of some wizard in the Hog’s Head. He also told me of all the trouble that James and Sirius had managed to get into in just the week since I’d escaped. It’s like they were trying to make up for the time I was missing.

               As we got closer to the castle, there were more and more students on the grounds enjoying the warm air. Suddenly there was a loud screech that slightly resembled my name. I didn’t have time to register where it came from before I was slapped in the face with a bush of hair and a pair of arms wrapped tightly around me.  Though slightly startled at first, I quickly returned the hug.

               “Ruth….you’re squeezing me too tight,” I said into her hair.

               “Sorry. Sorry, I’m just so glad you’re back,” she squealed before letting me go.

               When she stepped back, I could see that Janice was there too along with the other girls from our group.

               “Welcome back, Kate,” Janice said as she gave me a hug.

               I took a moment to hug all the girls and receive their welcome. Far ahead of us, Hagrid had continued walking to the castle with my trunk. Ruth was bouncing where she stood and I knew she was eager to tell me something.

               “Please, Ruth, tell me before you explode.”

               “They caught ‘em!”

               “What? Who?” At first I thought she meant Dolohov, but how would she know about him yet?

               “Mulciber and Rosier, they were behind all the attacks. Dumbledore caught them!”              

               “Apparently, Dumbledore called them both into his office Friday and Rosier spilled everything! Of course he tried to put it all on Mulciber, though, said the whole thing his idea,” Janice explained.

               “I bet Dumbledore didn’t fall prey to that,” I said.

               “Of course not! The word is that they’ve been expelled, but none of the Professor will say. They haven’t been seen since though.”

               “We have to celebrate!” Ruth said. “Next week is the last Hogsmeade weekend. We could all go together!”

               I didn’t respond to Ruth because at that moment my attention was diverted as Remus approached. Janice caught my line of sight.

               “Actually, Ruth, I think Kate may be busy that weekend,” Janice said.

               Ruth quickly looked back at Remus. “Ohhh… Do you think he’ll ask you to Hogsmeade?”

               I shared a smile with Janice before she grabbed the young Hufflepuff by the arm. “Come on; let’s give them a little privacy so he can.”

               Ruth broke away from Janice however, and threw her arms around my neck again. “I’m so happy you’re back.”

               “Believe me; no one is happier than I am. If I had to miss another week of school, I don’t know if I’d ever catch up.”

               “School?” Sirius groaned. “You haven’t even made it into the castle and you’re already worried about school?”

               I ignored Sirius’ complaints and let my fingers entwine with Remus’. I stood on my toes and gave him a quick peck on the lips. This spurred more groaning, but this time it was from James.

               “Alright,” he said. “If this is really going to be a thing between you two, we have to establish some ground rules.”

               It was my turn to groan. “No. No rules, James. It was your rules that almost prevented this from happening.”

               “Fine, then we won’t call them rules. We’ll call them mutual agreements.”

               We began making our way towards the castle as James went on.

               “Mutual Agreement Number One: there will be no lovey-dovey, mushy-gushy talk from either one of you. I don’t want to hear it.”

               “James, you’re being ridiculous,” Lily said with a sigh.

               “Mutual Agreement Number Two: (and this one is absolutely vital)…There will be no snogging…”

               “James!” Lily and I scolded together.

               “…Around me. You didn’t let me finish. There will be no snogging around me.”

               “Us. He means ‘us,’” Sirius said pointing to the both of them.

               “Right, us. No snogging…whatsoever…around us.”

               “Fine, then perhaps you should hold on to this,” Remus said as he shoved the piece of seemingly blank parchment into James’ chest. Lily eyed it curiously; she had not yet been informed of the map.

               Remus continued with a smirk, “So you know what passages to avoid.”

               “That’s bold!” I exclaimed. He laughed.

               “Do you object?”

               I could feel my cheeks burn. “Not at all.” I leaned up and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

               “Oi! That’s a violation of Mutual Agreement Number Two!” James exclaimed.

               “What? That was hardly a kiss, let alone a ‘snog,’” Lily said.

               “Besides, James,” I said. “You’ve never been one to abide by the rules, so why should I?”

               “They’re not rules. They’re Mutual Agreements.” He turned to Lily as we came into the entrance hall. “So are you saying if I gave you a quick kiss on the cheek, then it would hardly be a kiss at all?”

               “Try it and see what happens,” she threatened. James seemed to actually be considering the relative risks when Professor McGonagall called out.

               “Miss Potter! I do hope you don’t believe your circumstance warrants a free pass in my class.”

               “Not at all, Professor. Of course it doesn’t. What do I need to do to make up the lessons I missed?”

               “I think an essay will suffice. Two rolls of parchment,” she said in a manner of seriousness, to which both James and Sirius voiced complaints on my behalf.

               “You can’t be serious, Professor!”

               “You do realize she was held captive by a demented lunatic for five weeks!”

               I ignored them. “What’s the topic? ‘Real World Applications of Transfiguration?’”

               “The Animagus.” Her lip twitched as though she was suppressing a smile. “I want explicit detail of the whole process of how one becomes an Animagus, from start to finish. If you so desire, you may also include the real world applications of such…exceptional talent… that is required in order for a transformation to be a success.”

               I, on the other hand, was not suppressing my smile. “Would you also like me to include the numerous benefits of being an Animagus of the feline variety versus, say a canine?”

               “Such an analysis would be welcomed and appreciated. I look forward to reading your insights.”

               “Professor?” I called as she began walking away. “You didn’t say when you wanted the assignment turned in.”

               “Whenever it is complete, Miss Potter, will do.”

               James didn’t even try to muffle his swear once she was out of earshot.

               “Did she just put one over on us?” Sirius asked, gobsmacked.

               “Actually, I don’t think she did,” Remus said. “I think she really wants Kate to write that essay.”

               “I think Kate really _wants_ to write the essay,” Peter grumbled.

               “Numerous benefits of being a feline versus a canine? What’s that all about?” Sirius went on as we began meandering around the castle.

               “Face it, Sirius, cats are better,” I said. “How many times have you had fleas?”

               Sirius and I went back and forth arguing about which was better, the cat or the dog, until Peter pointed out something rather unexpectedly.

               “You do realize that the wolf is a canine?”

               My eyes turned to Remus who seemed somewhat offended by the snide and rudely spoken remark.

               “Yes, but the wolf is the superior canine, much like the leopard is the superior feline.”

               “You might want to leave _that_ out of the essay,” Lily said with a laugh.

               We stopped unknowingly by the astronomy tower. They continued to laugh and mess around, but I drifted into a silent trance as I studied the door. I recalled the panic that had overtaken me the last time I was there. Not only had I not climbed the tower since the attack, but I had avoided that area of the castle all together.

               “Kate? What are you doing?”

               I looked back at James, slightly confused. I had moved towards the door without realizing it. Then I looked to Remus.

               “I have to do it,” I said. He nodded his head.

               I looked to the others; they didn’t say anything. Though I think Peter was about to when Sirius quickly smacked the back of his head. I turned back to the door. I opened it and braced myself for the stench that would follow.

               My eyes flew open! It wasn’t there. The stench of evil was gone! I began to climb, slowly, stepping over the vanishing step. My pace quickened until at last I was running up to the top. I burst through the door; the force sent my long hair whipping over my shoulder. I turned around the viewing deck in a small circle. The sun was still bright so you couldn’t see any stars, but that didn’t matter at the moment. I turned back to the door just as the others made their way up. My hands were covering my mouth as I sobbed quietly. My crying soon turned to laughter.

               “I’m sorry…I just…”

               “It’s alright,” Remus said as he came over. His hands snaked around me as he pulled me to his chest. “You don’t have to explain anything.” Then he leaned close to my ear and whispered, “I’m proud of you.”

 

               After a while we joined the others where they leaned against the outer wall. We stared out over the grounds in a peaceful silence. We could see some of the younger students out practicing spells, though it was hard to tell what spell or even how young they were.

               “Everything is going to be different now, isn’t it? I mean, you can almost feel it in the air,” Lily said softly.

               “Yes,” I replied. “But that doesn’t mean things won’t be just as good.”

               “Better even,” Sirius said.

               “Yes better,” James agreed. “We’ll make them that way.”

               We were silent for a bit, enjoying the view, before I spoke again. “He’s still out there…my father…Dolohov. He escaped before they could get him to Azkaban.”

               “I’m sure they’ll find him, Kate,” Remus said.

               “Yeah, but if they don’t then we will,” James said.

               “And he would have wished Dumbledore found him first,” Sirius added.

               “I think I’m going to join Dumbledore’s group next year, after we leave Hogwarts. I’d join sooner if he’d let us, or if Dad would for that matter,” I said.

               “What is it called again?” Lily asked.

               “The Order of the Phoenix.”

               “That’s kind of a weird name isn’t it?” Peter asked.

               “They could call themselves ‘Dumbledore’s Army’ and I’d still join,” James said.

               “As long as they’re fighting Voldemort…”

               “Ugh, don’t say his name,” Peter grumbled.

               “I will say his name,” I insisted. “I won’t give him power over me.”

               “Spoken like a Potter,” James said.

               “More like a stubborn cat,” Sirius suggested.

               “I think it’s a bit of both,” Remus said.

               “Did you just call me stubborn?” I asked.

               “I wouldn’t love you if you were anything less than what you are.”

               My insides burned and my cheeks flushed.

               “That’s a violation of…”

               “Look a star!” Lily cut across James. “It’s the first star of the night.”

               I looked around and she was right. The sun was beginning to set and the stars were making their appearance. Suddenly Lily started reciting a poem.

               “Starlight, star bight, first star I see tonight, wish I may, wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight.”

               We were all staring at her by the time she finished. Her eyes were pinched shut and her face was scrunched up.

               “What?” Her cheeks turned bright red. “It’s an old nursery rhyme my gran used to say to me every night.”

               “It’s…”

               “I love it!” I exclaimed, cutting off whatever joke Sirius was about to make. Then I too looked back to the star and repeated Lily’s words, and made a wish of my own.

               I wished that no matter how much things changed, that no matter what scars life left behind, that we would always have each other.

...

 ...

 ...

...

...

               “Wait!” I suddenly exclaimed, causing everyone to jump back from the wall and look at me. “Do you know what this means?”

               They all looked confused.

               “I can finally use the new telescope Mum bought me.”

 

 

**End of Part 1**

**Part 2 of the Scars Saga, _Perfect Illusion_ , coming soon.**


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